The New King of Pop

Two awful trends I’ve noticed as of late re: “urban” radio:

1) The hip-hop station here in the STL has recently taken to playing Jennifer Hudson’s “And I’m Telling You (How Much I Love Fried Chicken)” as well as Beyonce’s “Listen” from the film Dreamgirls despite the fact that a) the film’s been out of theaters for months now, and b) let’s face it, the film fucking sucked balls[1].

2) You can’t switch the dial to the white station that probably plays just as much hip-hop (there’s a good chapter on this in that Jason Tanz book) without hearing a song with motherfucking Akon. Seriously, if I get in my car and this damn station’s not playing either a song by Akon or a song featuring Akon, it will by the time I get where I’m going, i.e. McDonalds.

Check the stats: In an age when the highest-selling rap albums can only hope to go platinum at best, Akon’s shit has already been certified double platinum, and it hasn’t even been out for six months yet. And it’s not like it’s even begun to slide down the charts yet. To this day, Konvicted remains in the top 5 of the Billboard 200 albums chart. The Hot 100 singles chart is even worse, with two songs featuring Akon currently in the top 5 and two more in the top 50.

Furthermore, Akon was recently named the top-selling ringtones artist in the history of Cingular, with both of his ringtones for “Smack That” and “I Wanna Love You” having been certified double platinum. And I think we all know that’s where all the money is these days anyway. Granted, the guy’s supposedly got a shiteload of wives to feed (and you know how entitled those African broads can be), but the guy must have money out the ass these days. Nullus.

The two big Akon songs right now are “Don’t Matter” and “The Sweet Escape.” The former is a vaguely Bob Marley-esque ballad from Konvicted that sounds enough like R. Kelly’s “Ignition” remix that Arruh should seriously consider legal action, while the latter is the title track from the most recent Gwen Stefani album, where I’m not sure if ‘kon does much other than provide James Mercer-style back-up vocals.

I’m not as crazy about either of them as I was the one-two punch of “Smack That” and “I Wanna Love You,” but I’ll admit it: there’s probably worse things you can hear on the radio these days than an Akon song. As much as I’d love to knock the guy’s hustle, this current state of Akon uber alles isn’t nearly as grating as, say, Nelly or Ja Rule’s similar runs of hits a few years ago.

[1] This is going to sound less than likely, but Dreamgirls seriously brought back my tinnitus for about three months after I saw it. I thought about suing, but I figured I probably wouldn’t get anything anyway.

  • Yezzir

    this is when im suppose to say first…butttt im too cool for that

    Bol your incredibly fat and akon sucks

  • Projectnrm

    I wonder how many people are gonna catch the Shins reference?

  • derfla the hus’la

    dude is entitled to at least 5 wives according to muslim law so get off he’s private life faggot……one thing is for sure tho bol he’s def getting mo pussy than you’ll ever imagin lol

    now you wish you where Akon

  • http://yahoo.com billblackfish

    Hey Bol Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

  • http://www.racialicious.com Carmen Van Kerckhove

    Isn’t Akon just the new Nate Dogg? aka glorified hook singer.

  • these posts are racist

    derfla the hus’la-
    Your analysis of what “Islamic law” entitles someone is incorrect. You have no clue what “Islamic law” means.

    Ignorance is not hot, kid. Read, learn and think critically.

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    >Your analysis of what “Islamic law” entitles someone is incorrect.

    Yeah, I read in the Times the other day it’s four wives, not five. Five will probably get you beheaded.

  • these posts are racist

    derfla the hus’la–
    What is “islamic law”? who makes it? what’s a “school of thought”? how many are there? how many categories of laws are there? how are the “laws” made? What’s the difference between obligatory and permissible and forbidden? Are those the only “categories”? If so, what “categories” are they in? If not, what are the others and what “categories” are they in? Do they even belong to a “category”? Are they relevant to “Islamic Law”? Or did I just make it up?

    Do you know anything about Islam?

  • EReal

    I actually agree. I dont mind Akon as much as Nelly or Ja, LOL.
    I think thats because he dosent try to be a rapper, he just does his R&B thing.
    He’s taken a different approach and kinda become the Un-Sleezy R.Kelly.
    I cant knock his hustle. The album is ok, I liked the tracks with Gauge, Tru Life and Em .. I actually liked most of the colabs except the love song shits. ugh.
    Defs cant hate for havin multi-wives, at least the muslims got one thing right. Zing!

    1 hunned.

  • these posts are racist

    BOL-

    Read my comment to derfla the psuedo expert on islam…

    Nice try though BOL.

  • these posts are racist

    BOL-

    You confidence is hysterical. There is no such thing as an “Islamic law”. There are over 1.2 billion Muslims, who have, throughout the years incorporated many different indigenous cultural traditions into the religion.

    “Christianity” justified slavery of our people for over 400 years. So i guess “Christian law” promotes slavery.

  • these posts are racist

    BOL-

    Beheaded? who would behead the person? The central govt. of Islam? Oh, that’s right, there isn’t one.

    And being black will get you hung by Christians.

    See your flawed logic?

  • thoreauly77

    *these posts are racist*

    saving one comments section at a time

  • Kevin

    @Projectnrm
    yea, thats actually a modest mouse reference seeing as mercer sings backup on a couple songs on the new abum in parts where isaac brock could never sing like mercer. but agreed, not many will prob catch that

  • dobydigital

    @ Projectnrm
    yea, thats actually a modest mouse reference seeing as mercer sings backup on a couple tracks off the new cd in parts when isaac brock definatley cant sing like mercer

  • AZ

    If you can sell to thoses crackas do it…not too many brothers cosign on this guy…I personally think his voice sucks, I avoid him and all this other singers who be popping,locking and sliding all across the floor.

  • EReal

    LOL @ These Posts

    “Christianity” Justified slavery??

    Slavery was around since before christianity homey, since before your beloved Muslim religion, even before the jews back when cats were worshiping the sun and snake charming. You talk so much about not being ignorant and then I see you make some seriously ignorant statements. I hope you were drawing a comparison and not serious about that statement, lil homie. I would lose respect.

  • The DJ Formerly Known as N-CREDIBLE

    he is no R.Kelly/NateDogg/DevinTheDude

  • http://www.vibe.com/blog/rapidshare Sean

    “James Mercer-style back-up vocals”

    Ha.

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    Jus Rhyme-

    Do you mean to suggest that there aren’t beheadings and polygamy in Islam?

  • Red

    Akon doesn’t actually have four or five wives, hes not even married. I recently read in a Vibe interview that it was really just a joke that got out of control. I don’t even think hes married to one woman.

  • http://www.myspace.com/brilliance1982 Brilliance

    How in the history of fuck are YOU going to make a fried chicken joke?

  • these posts are racist

    Self Hater-

    Islam is not a place…therefore, “beheadings are not in Islam”.

    I’m suggesting that there are over a billion muslims in the world who have incorporated thousands of different cultural practices in Islam. The fact that a person who designates himself a “Muslim” beheads someone doesn’t mean “Islam” condones. The majority of respected Muslim Scholars across the globe would concur that beheadings, etc. are forbidden.

    Just because some Christian or Jew does something does that make it “in Christianity or Judiasm”?

  • derfla the hus’la

    yo post I did’nt say Iam an expert in Islam besides Iam not muslim but what I know is that a muslim man can marry at least 5 or 4 (whatever) wives and thats only if he’s able to take care of all of em so was I wrong.

    yo I aint about to argue with u especially on such a topic coz Iam not an expert in Islam nor have I read the Koran but what Iam sure of is that most muslim states have to follow muslim law stated by the state. so where is the ignorant part.

  • thoreauly77

    *a long fall from a very high soap-box

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    >Islam is not a place…therefore, “beheadings are not in Islam”.

    ^^^
    The dumbest thing I’ve read all day.

  • EReal

    LOL @ Bol and Posts
    “Self Hater” & “Jus Rhyme” goin at it.

    Posts man, quit beating around the bush man. You know what he’s saying.
    Are you denying that Islamic Countries and Islamic Groups and Religious Factions condone and participate in the acts of beheading and polygamy??
    Just like people associate certin things with Judism and Christianity, be them negitive or positive, people have certin associations with islam because of the acts of the muslims themselves.
    That dosent make a person a bigot because they draw conclusions from what they see.
    Just like all the muslims think everyone in america is an evil fuck like Bush, when most of us are nothing like him and dont share his views or ideology.
    My mother always told me you’re judged by the company you keep. Same goes for those in orginized religion.

    peas.

  • pimpincinatl@yahoo.com

    Let’s get one thing straight. Akon is not Muslim!!!!!!!!!

  • Dr Flav

    E Real, I believe he was speaking on the slavery of blacks in America, not all slavery. That post made a lot of sense to me.

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    White people owning slaves 200 years ago > Muslims blowing buildings and cutting peoples heads off and keeping umpteen wives and children in faultily wired Harlem shanty-projects to this day.

  • Dr Flav

    T.P.A.R., I wrote a good response to your question to me in Bols Black people and White music blog, but its no longer there, Im wondering what happened. ***looks @ Bol***

  • these posts are racist

    BOL-

    “Muslims blowing buildings and cutting peoples heads off…etc.”

    So all I have to do is find examples, today, where a “white person” or “Christian” did something horrible and I can condemn Whites and Christians as you condemn Muslims?

    Its funny, I actually grew up in a housing project on the southside of chicago. The chicago housing authority person responsible for our well being was black–and never tended to our needs. the liquor store owner nearby was arab and was really mean, in fact, he would trade food stamps for cash with local crack addicts. the police officer who beat me and my friends up, a lot, was white.

    What does that prove?

  • these posts are racist

    BOL–

    I’ll humor you. Muslims leading the civil rights movement (Malcolm X) and being champions of a people (Muhammed Ali) and donating money to the poor and trying to build a peaceful community.

    Timothy McVeigh-blowing up buildings. White catholic priests-molesting children.

    “White people owning slaves 200 years ago”? Hilarious. What about segregation? What about white supremacy today? Bol-, White supremacy still exists, but guess what, it doesn’t make all white people bad.

    And the whole super/slumlord thing? Hilarious kid. how many countless white/italian/jewish/arab/black slumlords are there? What ghettos have you been to playboy?

  • these posts are racist

    Dr Flav:

    I was wondering why you didn’t respond…I never seen it posted.

  • derfla the hus’la

    post incase you didn’t know Arab muslims have had their good share of the slave trade in Africa too infact them mother fuckers use to behead and amputate niggas for no reason come to think of it that type of shit is still happening in some “Muslim States”

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    >What does that prove?

    That your parents didn’t care enough about you to provide a better life.

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    Jus Rhyme-

    Where at any point did I mention anything about a) white people, b) Christians, c) Muslim slumlords?

    Stop inserting shit into the argument to make it seem as if you have a point.

  • KMJM

    BOL you are so right. Radio here in the STL sucks big time.

  • these posts are racist

    yeah XXl get yo shit str8 cause these muthafuckers names and emails are on my mac when I go to post a comment is this happening to anybody else? my this is wierd

  • http://yahoo.com billblackfish

    Hey Bol Boooooooooooooooo!

  • http://xxlmag.com DC’s Finest

    Akon is on top right now, stop hatin’. If u ask me, hes more hip-hop than Jim Jones. Now thats BAAAAAALLLLIINNN’

  • these posts are racist

    “yeah XXl get yo shit str8 cause these muthafuckers names and emails are on my mac when I go to post a comment is this happening to anybody else? my this is wierd”

    I didn’t say this.

  • Fernando

    These Posts are Racist –

    I have nothing really against Islam. And any religious fanatic is not good. Every religion has its bad components.

    But damn. Muslims have been f*ckin sh*t up for a while now. Cant even turn the TV on now days without seeing one of these fools blowing up a market, taking hostages, or cutting off some journalists head. Im not saying that Bush is good because is a bible thumper, in fact, im not a big fan of crazy Christians at all. But one of these days, some crazy ass Muslims are going to push it too far (bigger than 9/11) and the USA + friends are gonna serve that whole region a fat piece of Nuclear pie.

    And if you sweat Islam so much, why dont you go move to one of those shabby ass countries and bask in the glory of living under Sharia law? It looks so fun doesnt it? And so free of Christian corruption!! The Kings / Princes / Emperors only whord all the money for themselves while their people live in sh*t! So much better than our Judeo Christian set up in the USA where people actually have a chance to make something of themselves. GTFOH

  • these posts are racist

    Self Hater:

    “…and keeping umpteen wives and children in faultily wired Harlem shanty-projects to this day.”

    How does one do this without being responsible for the building they live in, unless they are the super/landlord?

    In any case, its a small point. And as far as my paretns…you don’t know anything self hater. I grew up in some harsh circumstances and still graduated from an ivy league graduate school…my parents did pretty well. Their economic situation is says nothing about how much they cared for me. You saying this is simply demonstrative of your self hate.

    And you never answered my question. Does white supremacy still exist in America? Or was slavery the last evidence of this? Jim Crow laws? Segregation? Did it end in the 60′s then (i.e. not 200 yrs ago)?

  • http://www.first.com billblackfish

    F*ck Buck F*ck Buck

  • Fernando

    Akon needs to slow down.

    If he justs waits a while before his next album. Maybe does a few comeos here and there, he could last for a while. But people will definitely get sick of his sound if he keeps up this pace.

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    >How does one do this without being responsible for the building they live in, unless they are the super/landlord?

    Um, because people can live in the projects without being the landlords of them. In fact, I’m not even sure if it’s possible to be the landlord of the projects. You’re the expert – why don’t you enlighten us?

  • http://www.first.com First

    HEY BOL booooooooooooooooooooooooo!

  • these posts are racist

    Self Hater-

    I obviously misunderstood what you were saying re: the slumlord, etc. and thefore retract my comments relating to that particular topic.

    Why do you dodge my questions re: white supramecy?

  • OnE3nD

    Ok everybody les get back on subject and talk about Black Ass Akon because thats what this blog is about right?

  • che

    lmao at fernando actually commenting on the post amidst all the beef.

  • derfla the hus’la

    derfla the hus’la
    stfred2000@hiphophavoc.com

  • these posts are racist

    Che,

    What up man? What are your thoughts?

  • cd

    Ya seem to have forgotten muslims owned slaves in Africa that were black

  • Meka Soul

    >Do you know anything about Islam?>

    islam = peace?

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    >Why do you dodge my questions re: white supramecy?

    I don’t see what this has to do with the price of tea in China.

    Yes, there’s white supremacy in the US.

    Yes, there are beheadings in Islam.

    and

    Yes, there is polygamy in Islam.

  • Meka Soul

    >Its funny, I actually grew up in a housing project on the southside of chicago. The chicago housing authority person responsible for our well being was black–and never tended to our needs. the liquor store owner nearby was arab and was really mean, in fact, he would trade food stamps for cash with local crack addicts. the police officer who beat me and my friends up, a lot, was white.

    What does that prove?>

    that nobody likes muslims.

  • Meka Soul

    >Muslims leading the civil rights movement (Malcolm X) and being champions of a people…>

    didn’t the same muslims pop shabazz’s kufi off?

  • http://www.myspace.com/thaanswermikeyd Dip Set City

    the Sweet Escape song has got to be the absolute worst song of the year

  • FuckYouPayMe618

    Akon=new school nate dogg

  • dolo

    Lol @fernando saying : if you love islam so much why don’t you move there.. Akin to folks saying if you hate america so much why don’t you leave .. Lol .. Of course if you turn on tv all they gonna show is muslims blowin shyt up .. But the majority of terrorist attacks in the world occur in latin america (who are probably christian) by paramilitary guerillas .. But of course some of you sheeple tend to gobble up foxnews ..

  • http://dsf honkie hater

    Is JUS RHYME the dude from the white rapper show; he was crazy.

  • http://www.byroncrawford.com Honkie hater

    Racist guy, what ivy league school chu go to (fucking Affrmitive action)

  • http://yahoo.com Slim Pickens

    Hey Bol Booooooooooooooooooooooooo!

  • http://yahoo.com billblackfish

    Akon f*cked brook hogan

  • Dr Flav

    Well T.P.A.R., the gist of it was that I agree with your posts for the most part, but I felt you wasted too much (spiritual, intellectual, emotional and physical) energy on small issues…, BUT TODAY YOU ARE @ THE TOP OF YOUR GAME! LOL! I see you focused on a minute portion of this blog and flushed out replies conveying a myriad of thoughts, opinions and ideas. I do think you can achieve twice the results with half the posts. (I do understand though)

  • these posts are racist

    Dr Flav,

    Thanks for the feedback man. I agree with you.

  • Dr Flav

    Muslims do not equal terrorists, if that was the case, call the troops home the biggest threat lives here. The Koran is not a law book, its a religious doctrine as is the Bible. America allows for religious freedom, therefore if the millions of Muslims in America are scrutinized to the point of deportation, due to the acts of a possibly misguided few, then surely other religions can be bought forward to justify themselves due to the acts of a few fanatics.

  • EnglandRepresent

    Muslims smell funny and dodgy facial hair.

    That is all.

  • EnglandRepresent

    Muslims smell funny and have dodgy facial hair.

    That is all.

  • jacquez
  • derfla the hus’la

    @ Dolo but do these terrorists in latin America go half around the world blowing inoccent people up? do you think these muslim terrorist are a threat only in the u.s?

    do you know how many other country’s these muslim activists have struck? or are you jus dumb like that

  • EReal

    Extremists of any religion = Cowards.

    They use their religious ideology to hide behind the Koran or the Bible to do sick twisted shit for their own means.

    As far as the muslim extremists, they have indoctrinated into every man woman and child in their sect or tribe or w/e the fuck that the West are the devil and we are responsible for all their pain and anger and all that, when their own countries are fucking them over and torturing them, hoarding the money, fueding with the West in some form of “Jihad” over bullshit, while their people starve. In my eyes these arab countries are still living in persian empire times. They refuse to allow peace to happen, they treat their women like shit, refuse education to women and some children, its dusgusting. They refuse to evolve, and therefore look to us for all their problems. Is it the Wests fault that you have no running water and your husband beats the shit out of you? Is it the Wests fault that your government or factions thereof continue to carry out terrorist attacks and are subsequently sanctioned by the UN, causing food shortages and shortages of aid to your country?? If their people would have the balls to rise up and take control, it would be a different world. Look at Pakistan, China, Russia, India, shit even Lebanon and the more and more western influence and views of westerners in those countries, despite their hardline leaders. These extremist countries are the few fucking it up for the many. The US and the West and Isreal have been targeted not for attack, but DESTRUCTION by these countries and groups. They want us dead, and people like Posts wanna come in here and try to make us feel bad for wanting to protect our country, our children and families and interests abroad?? Fuck that. Your religion isnt outdated, but the doctrine in which it’s taught is. Your religion needs to be revamped for a different type of world, much as many other religions have evolved. You stay living in arabic times, and its 2007.. Im done listening to guilt trips about the way people feel about muslims. If anything, they should pity US and be angry at those who CAUSED this shift in view, their own people.

    peas.

  • MANNYWORLD33

    TOILET BOL! GOOD POST

    THESE POSTS VS. TOILET BOL> CAM INTERNETS BEEF

  • dubbadub

    @these posts are racist…

    get a fuckin life homie

  • massive_mike

    hey bol, i’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now and you’ve managed to surprise me with your knowledge of german expressions quit a a few times. newest example: “akon uber alles”. where do you learn all that german? the reason i’m surprised is that i’m from germany (don’t hate me for that…) and i always thought americans only know: oktoberfest, kindergarden, rucksack and maybe zeitgeist…
    greetz from bavaria

  • DSlim

    Bol…the word nullus..is getting old..seriously

  • outya’ self

    dat’ nigga bol ownin’ you niggas right now! haha! fuck all dis shit! jews suck,muslims suck,and any other religion that don’t put god first!

  • St. Gangsta

    Akon is like the 21st Century Nate Dogg…except he sounds like he needs a Sudafed

  • fade

    that chicken joke was on point
    fuck acorn tho

  • http://www.king.com fernandez

    you hating bryon if akon was black american you would not write this, that is the thing with stupid black americans always ready to hate on an african trying to get his hustle on. black americans still think like slaves, weak minded blame the white man for all problems motherfuckers

  • Dipset

    thoreauly77 Says:

    March 28th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
    *these posts are racist*

    saving one comments section at a time

    ^^^ LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Dipset

    BOL might have some retarded views on Hip-Hop but he sure does a good job in getting your attention!!

  • http://www.mostlyblack.com/sexhinam.com Haywood Hervert

    That’s some inspirational stuff. In no way suspected that viewpoints might be this different.