It seems as though the bullets in NYC may not have to fly after all because of Tony Yayo’s poor judgment. Maybe Wyclef Jean swooped in at the eleventh hour and convinced Jimmy Henchman to hit the G-Unit where they will really feel pain – their wallets. Actually, I think that there was poor judgment on all sides that led to this situation since the victim was a 14yr old on his way to work at an internship at 9:30pm? What does a 14yr old do at the offices of an entertainment company at that time of night? Maybe showing your kids the nightshift when they’re young is really the way to scare them straight. Since we have a few days off for anyone from Interscope to get arrested or go to court I though that maybe we could talk about, uh, rap music. You know, that shit we all love to curse about to one another.
I was supposed to file my review of the new Redman album on Sunday, because that is my name and shit, but I have been busy conducting interviews and compiling information on all of the G-Unit madness going on in NYC. Just in case anyone expires you want to have the obituary already typed up and edited. True story, I saw three different ages for Tony Yayo posted in newspapers and on television over the past weekend. My favorite is that he is 25. And why not? If Lil’ Wayne can be 24 when his arrest report from the Fulton County Sheriff’s Department says that he was born in 1979, why can’t Tony Yayo be 25 too? You do understand that the Fulton County Sheriff’s Department cross references a national database to check people’s names and birth dates? Especially since jigs have the godawful tendency of giving their children names with too many vowels and other stupid shit like misplaced accents and final ‘E’s. So Lil’ Wayne is still 16 and Tony Yayo is 24. Who gives a fuck anyway?
What if Wayne has that shit the kid from ‘Webster’ had where he stops growing, but he is really like 50yrs old. Like imagine if Wayne is older than Baby on some BabyFace Finster type crime boss shit and the only reason that he calls Baby his Daddy is because Birdman is a top. Who the fuck cares anyway? I agree with you kids. With all these television shows like ‘Queer Eyes’ and ‘Will & Grace’ it was only a matter of time before some rapper got ghey with it. I just thought it would be Will Smith before everybody else. But who the fuck cares? Just ask Noz, he loves Lil’ Wayne, nullus, I suppose but I can’t confirm that much. By the way, this is my like twentieth post here or something. I should do a post about this being my twentieth post, but no, this post is not about me, or Tony Yayo, or Noz, or Lil’ Wayne. It’s about my nigga Redman and Def Jam finally releasing his too long awaited album ‘Red Gone Wild’.
Redman has enjoyed a phenomenal career as one of Hip-Hop music’s most gifted and charismatic rappers. He’s translated that into all kinds of opportunities outside of the recording studio as well, but without a major album to circulate in six years I had turned to looking at milk cartons to see if I could find any news of his whereabouts. I think that the t.I.’s had decided that party rap music with complex metaphorical and simile filled lyrics was no longer en vogue with the kids. Maybe the t.I.’s were having their own backpacker backlash. All I know is that I’ve missed Redman’s zany antics since everyone in his peer group has been forced to become gangster killers. My mind just flashed to the Busta Rhymes video for ‘Dangerous’. Busta Rhymes used to be a cool cat. What happened to him? Yeah, I know… Who the fuck cares?
That’s why I don’t even feel like giving you humps a review. You’re only gonna go DL the album from Limewire or Napster or whatever you effs use to steal your shit. That IS Red’s biggest problem right there. His fanbase is a bunch of thieving humps. When are you shitbags gonna go out and buy some fucking music? Think about all the Carmen Bryans of the world who won’t be getting jobs at record labels because they will all be going out of business. Think about the Mexicans that work in the factory that makes the special jewel cases. How will that dude send money back to his ten children in Mexico City. And what of the Chinese lady that works at the factory that puts the shrinkwrap on the CD’s. Some of you effs argue to me that your poor, but all of you bitches will spend money on piss water and not my favorite rap artist so I admonish you all. Go somewhere else and read a review of the Redman album. Go somewhere else and read of review of his live show. Just don’t come back here until you have bought his new album.
Did I say that this was my twentieth post? Yeah, I know… Who the fuck cares?!?