Pop Goes The Weasel…

There’s a saying in psychoanalytical circles that the gun represents a phallic symbol and it’s reverence and worship by some is because of their lack of an actual penis. I suppose if that were true then we’d see way more girl gun freaks but since that isn’t the case why do you suppose so many rappers are enamored with them? Come to think of it, the dude who speaks about guns the least is the only real shooter in the rap game. Everyone else says that they have the Calico on them, but in reality they’re just styling.

I’ve been to a shooting range once. My peeps in Stone Mountain took me to some spot in a strip mall where you could bust your gats like it was nothing. The one thing I learned is how lousy a shot I am. Even with a relatively small pistol like a nine-millimeter you have to hold the firearm with two hands if you really want to hit the target. You could use one hand if you wanted, but then you’d just be styling.

Rappers love to use metaphors to describe how deadly accurate they are when they spit their rhymes. So far Cassidy is the only dude who’s not lying. I wonder if some of these gun-fetishizing rappers would be hardbody enough to pick up a firearm and fight for the freedom to continue throwing their cash up in the air and pouring champagne down girl’s backs? Which gun do you think these posers would be most likely to choose?

Calico – Or the ‘Cal’ as some have taken to calling this combo pistol rifle. The original Calico first appeared in Hip-Hop lyrics in the early 1990’s, but the U.S. based company that was manufacturing them at the time didn’t have the business savvy to capitalize on cross-branding with rap artists. The newly designed Calico is a beast of a submachine gun because it can hold over a hundred rounds in its cylindrical cartridge. Unfortunately, not one of those rounds will be polysyllabic.

AK-47 – Did you know that the AK-47 has been in production since 1940? That means that Jay-Z may have owned one when he as a teenager in the 1950’s. This rifle was designed by some Russian dude named Kalashnikov, and if you know anything about the Russians then you know how hardbody they keep shit. The AK-47 is the most commonly manufactured assault rifle in the world. Yeah, it’s illegal in the U.S., but so is anything that’s any fun.

Beretta – This is one of the favorite weapons for rappers because of it’s rhymeability with words like, ‘go getter’, ‘better’ and the gold standard ‘Jetta’.. Ironically, the Beretta is actually not even the premiere 9mm handgun. The Sig Sauer pistol is more widely chosen for its reliability and ease of use. The biggest advantage that I see for rappers is that Sig Sauer can rhyme easily with ‘needs lawyer’ and that is who you will be on the phone with if the police find this in your car during a routine racial profiling traffic stop.

Mossberg – In the Hip-Hop lexicon every shotgun is called a Mossberg, although they manufacture a specific 12 gauge model. Much like the way all pistols are referred to as ‘gats’ even though I don’t think Gatling even makes guns any longer. Shotguns are good for shit like drive bys when you know you don’t have good aim but you just want to strike some fear in the ‘hood and possibly kill a little girl bystander.

Mac-10 – These are some special forces type joints that only super slick SWAT teams fucks with. If you get that round barrel sound suppressor your joint will make that budda-budda-budda lowkey noise like in the movies. I think that a key element to keeping it real as a rapper is when you can do shit like in the movies.

Smif-N-Wessun – I just seen these dudes do a show with the whole Bootcamp Clik minus Buckshot. The gun company sued these dudes to change their names because they didn’t want their product associated with people dying in the streets, because that’s not what guns do. I hope Disney ends up buying Smith and Wesson.

I won’t get amped when I hear a rapper talking about shooting shit up until someone gets on that futuristic shit and raps about a laser gun. How sick would a laser gun be in the rap game right now? Quiet as it’s kept, I’ll bet you a dime to a dollar that your boy Diddy has one, and he’s just waiting for someone to throw a wad of money at his face so he can pull his shit out.

As your favorite blogger would say, “Nullus to this entire post.”

UPDATE: Charles Bronson from ‘Death Wish’ in the best commercial. Evar!

  • Brodric J. Dudley

    First!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

  • icon

    Damn, this probably the dumbest post on XXL in a hot minute…congrats….

  • thhee

    1st. OZ

  • UziUli

    first mofuers!!! p. diddy has got at least 2 spaceships…

  • thecollinb

    this is completely unrelated but are you planning on doing a blog about how hip hop is still on Jay-z’s dick….i just recently read that bow wow is planning on putting his pennies up to go “dutch” on a basketball team…..niggas are dick riding business moves now with no education.

  • Reed

    Best, “I just don’t give a fuck post” evar!!!

  • Rizzop

    Hip hop on a higher level? I think not……C’mon man, you were doing so well. There are three less people as im typing this due to the mess you just put on here. And now this idiots actually might know what they’re shooting instead of calling it my “big ass gat”

  • Fin

    Am I the only one who liked this post? Top rap cliches; gun-talk, coke-slinging and no snitching.

  • jacquez
  • RockCity

    Yeah it was a good post to me. What the fuck was ya’ll expectin anyway????

  • daesonesb

    With all this talk about biggie and how special he was, have we forgotten how much gun talk he spit?

    Hip Hop on a higher level involves speaking in a real way about what rappers talk about, and gun talk is huge in rap. Ever seen the footage of tupac at the gun range? He empties clip after clip while talkin to the interviewer.

    Either way, if you were smart youd realize that Bill sunday wasnt entirely serious with everything he said here. There was some well veiled hipster-esque sarcasm…

  • thatwhitedude

    “I think that a key element to keeping it real as a rapper is when you can do shit like in the movies.”
    hahaha great post billy, if people don’t like it i’m wondering if the whole thing went over their heads…plus that line i quoted sorta ties in to bol’s hating on scarface recently, and the scarface lover’s reason for liking it to be because “its real”, i do like scarface although it is a little longwinded…

  • mannyworld33

    shit was funny, b!

    yall need to stop takin’ everything so serious!

  • thatwhitedude

    fin – where was there coke slinging in this post????
    you are right about the no snitching comment though, diddy’s name was mentioned at the end of the post but few people will probably be able to connect the dots and realize that the person mentioned at the very beginning of the post who talks the least about guns but uses them the most is actually diddy…

  • http://www.thinkingfoward.blogspot.com Davinche

    daesonesb = Bill Sunday

    Though I did think the post was okay.

  • Panhco

    lol…I laughed a lil…I WOULD be pissed about all this gun talk, but gun talk is extremely relevent in hip-hop 2day…

    Liking the sarcasm too.

    (XXL, I’d watch out…you know Diddy prolly pissed for that Biggie Pepsi commercial yall put up…that could have been his money. You f*ck with Diddy’s money, expect a laser up the ass…).

  • nation

    >> Calico – Or the ‘Cal’ as some have taken to calling this combo pistol rifle.

    i thought the 40 Caliber was known as the cal. not that i care about guns. plus the cal is on me

  • Malik C.

    Jackie Brown and Lord of Wars were the first 2 movie to come to mind. Chicks with Guns(or was it girls?) part in Jackie Brown is great. I used to have that part memorized. Lord of Wars AK-47 rambling was decent too. Regardless I wouldn’t be to scared to face any of these rappers holding a gun because they’re to concerned with shooting “cool” then shooting straight. That’s why the damn police hit your stupid ass. Rednecks on the other hand have some secret military shit. I try to stay out of the deep south.

  • My Effin’ Opinion

    The post was cool ..

    but I take it that Billy is a big Diddy fan cuz it seems like in every post there’s always a “because this is how “hardbody” Diddy is” sentence interjected somewhere.

    just sayin’ tho’

  • king blair

    i got 7 mac11′s
    about 8 .38′s
    9 9′s
    10 mac 10′s these shit never end
    u couldn’t touch my riches even if u had mc hammer and them 357 bitches….astounding as big was puff never raps about heat and done merked like 5 or 6 ninjas

  • CONTENT

    You should have given examples of each in a verse……or illustrated.

    You get back what you put in.

    Don’t get emotional about negative comments because it’s usually people criticizing your effort not your writing ability.

  • SukedowN

    You should have mentioned a gun that uses .50 caliber bullets (M82), for those big jobs.

  • E AKA THE REAL NORIEAGA

    HA Nice post but Girls actually love guns. I’ve been to shooting ranges a couple of times and there are always women there(although I wouldn’t recommend trying to pick up a chick with shooting skills). I even remember reading somewhere that women represent the largest increase in gun ownership.

  • John Brown

    “You ever come my way, it’s gon’ be gunplay
    HEEEYYY.. I ride wit’ a AK, get high and spit five out the AK
    Ok, let a nigga play and watch T-Double-D knock ya ass of the free seat”

    Trick Daddy-What’s Happnin’!
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    Now if there is anyone who is close to Diddy on the hardbody shit gots to me my mayor, the mayor of miami, T Double D. Fuck them other guns its all bout the AK-47 aka THE CHOPPER.

    If I ever do decide to go insane and rob a bank I wanna have about 2 AK’s and a bullet proof vest (no maurice clarette) and go out like Latifah did in Set it off.

  • me

    “Did you know that the AK-47 has been in production since 1940? That means that Jay-Z may have owned one when he as a teenager in the 1950’s” LMFAO……..

  • ME

    ” Did you know that the AK-47 has been in production since 1940? That means that Jay-Z may have owned one when he as a teenager in the 1950’s” LMFAO….

  • derfla the hus’la

    ………funny how the Ak47 is illigal in the U.S but they still sell the shit to third world country’s

  • Beantown

    What about the ‘ GLOCK’? Or even better the ‘Rueger’? Or Mass.’ own Smith n Wesson. Those are the premier 9s. Don’t but Jennings cuz they stay jamming. Taurus is good too. But the ultimate is The Desert Eagle .50. That could take down a wild bull. Investigate on the FN-57. Fat joe calls it the faggot nigga gun. That lil gat will pierce thru vests. Trust me.

  • thoreauly77

    i have shot plenty of guns: my father and i shot cans off of rail-road tracks in the desert in texas (somehow seems appropriate doesnt it?); shotguns and rifles in michigan and california. his idea was that if i ever needed to use a gun, i would know how to hit my target.
    personally, i think guns are stupid, but at least my dad taught me instead of some lying, gun-toting drug-dealer… you know, like our current president.

    as asimov put it, “violence is the last refuge of the incompetent”.

  • Beast Wit THa Glock

    glock is used more than most

  • http://xxlmag.com Billy X. Sunday

    Beantown,
    Youre right that I needed to include the Desert Eagle. My bad on that. Google it.

    Somebody mentioned the .40 caliber Glock and the Ruger which I also left off. Look for all the unrepresented guns to be part of the second drop.

    Lastly, don’t give hipsters credit for sarcasm.  That shit is called speaking the truth in joke form. 

  • http://www.sungmusic.blogspot.com short sleeves

    cause I bear arms…
    stay away from heron,
    clear?! Gone!

  • LONZO

    LOL at that jayz line.

  • http://dman8784myspace.com dubldealing

    380? wheres the tech9 at? these are some serious questions that i need answered and i dont think that ja rule has the answer’s..lol

  • EReal

    AK 47s are legal in the US but only Semi Automatic.
    You can buy semi auto Ak’s and get the kit to make them fully auto. Its usually because they want you to buy the US made AR-15 (M-16 sub) instead.
    Also Ak’s are made in several countries including China. The best are made in Isreal tho.

    I also thought ‘the cal’ was a 40 Cal. Which I like the glock 40 cal. Its alot lighter than the 9MM and has better stoping power with hollow point ammo.

    Yall watch that show future weapons?? Thats my shit. Yall should peep it if you havent, str8^ dude show. Blowin shit up, and guns that cut thru kevlar helmets like butter.
    They even have that lazer thing that makes you feel like you’re burning but you’re not. Hows that for stylin on ya??

    1 hunned.

  • FLIP

    awesome post

  • Meka Soul

    >I won’t get amped when I hear a rapper talking about shooting shit up until someone gets on that futuristic shit and raps about a laser gun. How sick would a laser gun be in the rap game right now? Quiet as it’s kept, I’ll bet you a dime to a dollar that your boy Diddy has one, and he’s just waiting for someone to throw a wad of money at his face so he can pull his shit out.>

    LMAO.

    does anybody know the name of the blammer castor troy used in face/off? it was shaped like a 9, but it sprayed like an uzi. if there really is a gun like that, that has got the gulliest heater ever made.

  • John Cochran

    Me and my homies used to bus off this old wooden daisy shot gun. We loved bussin that shit off in the middle of the night. Thats hood. I think rappers like talking about guns so they can live out thier fantasies. We all grew up looking up to Sly stylone, van dam, arnold and shit. Honestly, I wouldn’t want to listen to somebody that really killed some one rap about guns. If Cass comes back and raps about how he merc folks off he’s disrespecting that young boys fam.

  • rec

    nice post to the literalists outhere…get a clue…pick up a book…something!

  • Meka Soul

    correction, that dirty harry burner was the gulliest blammer ever.

  • jburg

    You forgot the Desert Eagle!!!

  • http://DAHSHYT.BLOGSPOT.COM BELIZE

    WERE’s THE SIG-SAUER luv NEGROE????

    I fuck with p-239.

    Same shyt like the colt, just cheaper.

    Smith and Wesson SUKCS BALLS. Use it if you wanna die. Real Talk.

    Step ur Gun game up!

  • http://DAHSHYT.BLOGSPOT.COM Belize

    AR-15…where’s the love

    basically the M-16…
    WHAT DAH FUCK SUNDAY??????

    *smh*

  • http://dahshyt.blogspot.com Belize

    Finally:

    AK-47 has the worst long distance aim in the game…fuk outta here

  • rec

    “well if you got a 9 and…you got a 9…and he got a 9 and…she got a 9…and we got a 9 and…they got a 9…well it’s a moth#$%*&in party yo ’cause i got mine”

  • derfla the hus’la

    m 16 is the shit…..

  • http://myspace.com/twerkolator twerkolator

    “My peeps in Stone Mountain took me to some spot in a strip mall where you could bust your gats like it was nothing.”

    i’m quite sure there is more than one gun range in stone mountain, but i think i’ve been to the one you’re talking about (right off hwy 78 – you can see the mountain from the parking lot; survivalist-looking sales clerks…). i remember there was this one ofay in there shooting a fucking cannon – that shit was loud as fuck (even with the headphones on)…

    btw, guns are wack…

  • Cashus Clay

    LMAO at the jigga line niggas cant take everything on here so serious it was a decnt post

  • http://myspace.com/twerkolator twerkolator

    “The biggest advantage that I see for rappers is that Sig Sauer can rhyme easily with ‘needs lawyer’”

    i heard freeway pronounce it this way (‘sig sawyer’) on some song, but it’s german, so it actually rhymes with ‘power’ (like the word sauerkraut)…

  • THAT_BOY_NOAH

    haha good post good post! im looking to buy a small lil .38 special. just a lil somthin that can cripple somebody so they wont get away…………..oh yeah anybody with gats on their myspace page is a pussy also.

  • Ace

    yo, this shit was hilarious. Did you dismiss the glock because the only thing you can rhyme it with is block. Also, a shotgun’s useful if you decide to do a creative re-interpretation of the finale of menace II society!! old school bitch!

  • FUCK Cuban Link Pt.II

    Fuck that shit im too gully I go straight to the minigun, bazooka and old skool chain gun.Thats what the REAL hardbodys are rocking these days.

    Also C-Murder backed his shit up too.But hes a pansy because hes been out for like a year and hasnt shot anyone else.Faggot.

    Lol Nice post (no jacquez)

  • FUCK Cuban Link Pt.II

    jburg Says:

    March 13th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
    You forgot the Desert Eagle!!!

    ^Thats for sand niggas.Desert Eagles and Bombs.

  • CUBAN FUCKING LINK

    FUCK THIS COUNTRY AND XXL COMMENT SECTION FOR SWITCHING MY FUCKING NAME AND CONFUSING THE FIZZACK OUTTA ME!

  • http://www.myspace.com/theanticorp SONNY CHEEBA

    Bang Bang!

  • Hurricane Game

    Dumb Fuck Didnt even include Desert Eagle.
    Hip Hop On A Higher level my Balls(No Homo).
    Ur such a fuck boy Sunghey its not even funi anymore.

  • Tag

    Where’s the magnum son, you can’t forget that dirty harry shit haha

  • jay

    it was an ok post but i didnt like 2 things when for the shotgun it said kill an innocent bystanderd girl thats shits fucked up.. whoever wrote that yah ur a fuckin faggot and the mac -10 do it like that movies do its like they tellin ppl 2 shoot other ppl FUCK U BITCHSSSSSSS

  • jasper

    People have already been rhyming about laserguns in the mid-eighties. Check “Space Cowboy” by the Jonzun Crew.

  • TOTALPACKAGE

    “Jay-Z may have owned one when he as a teenager in the 1950’s” lol