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Tuffest Jew evar

First of all, I’d just like to put this out there: If Paul Wall is the realest nigga in hip-hop because he’s married to a black woman, then what does that make Scott Storch? Lest we forget, Scott Storch has a black baby!

According to a long-lost news item here at XXL, the baby’s mother tried to sue Scott Storch for child support, but Storch was too busy off making it rain somewhere to show up in court that day. Hence he was named the child’s “legal, natural, and biological” father by default.

Which I didn’t even know was possible. I suppose if he wanted to, Scott Storch could have a blood test to prove the baby isn’t his, but if it turns out it is, he’s just going to have to pay money out the ass. My advice to Scott Storch: don’t ever go to court again. Ever.

At any rate, I’d say that automatically qualifies Scott Storch as one of the realest jigs evar, let alone in the history of hip-hop. What’s more real than dropping babies left and right and not taking care of them?

(I’ve also read that Dr. Dre has 13 kids, including Hood Surgeon, who could very well be older than I am, and some broad who turns tricks on MySpace. I’d bang her just to say that I banged one of Dr. Dre’s kids (no R. Kelly), but I don’t really have the means. Maybe I can talk Elliott into funding it as an adventure in Hunter S. Thompson-style “gonzo” journalism, not to mention gonzo pr0n.)

In case you haven’t heard, Scott Storch is beefing with Timbaland. Timbaland took some subliminal shots at him (“I’m a real producer, you’re just a piano man”) on this new song “Give It to Me,” from his forthcoming Timbaland Presents: Shock Value. Supposedly the album will include even more of such zingers.

Storch struck back yesterday with a dis record of his own called “Built Like Dat,” in which he actually raps along with a guy named NOX. It’s not very good, but it is kinda funny, especially the part about Tim havin a neck like a pack of franks. Damn.

If you haven’t heard it yet, you can stream it from the new Scratch site:

Scott Storch’s Timbaland Diss Song [Scratch]

I wonder though: what’s the real nature of this beef? Does it have to do with Tim jacking credits back when Storch was doing ghost production on that first Justin Timberlake album? Or Maybe Tim is disturbed by the rash of violence inspired by Fat Joe’s “Make It Rain,” especially since it’s occurring during black history month.

You don’t see Timbaland making it rain on these hoes during Rosh Hashanah, now do you?

At any rate, I’d say this definitely has the potential to be the hip-hop beef of the year, even more so than Cam vs. Fiddy. Neither one of these two can rap, which just makes it that much more hilarious. Even Scott Storch’s piff pocketer/black cosigner isn’t very good. Maybe Timbaland can bring Magoo back to go at him.

According to Sean “Interscope” Fennessey, Timbaland won because Scott Storch’s beat wasn’t very good, but I don’t know. The fact that he’s managed to build such an empire having produced so very little of any real value is actually kinda gully to me. And I think he brings up some good points as far as Tim not even being able to maintain his own vanity label.

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