Speaking So Freely

When it comes to my thoughts about the Grammy Awards, I’m mostly anti-Kanye and pro-Chubb Rock—fuck ‘em, they don’t mean shit to me. I know less than a handful a folks who actually vote in the damn thing and it seems like just a bunch of old clueless White farts trying to tell me what’s hot. But fresh off the plane from Canada, I decided to give this overblown spectacle a chance before some much-needed shut-eye.

In case, you were smart enough to pass this by, here are the highlights: Rocking the ill fake eyelashes, Mary J. Blige did get her due. JT the Bigga Figga proved he’s running this music shit. Pilot Cee-Lo Green almost slipped and busted his ass. Rhianna’s green dress. Chris Brown was outshined by a lil’ munchkin dancer. And the Dixie Chicks won all the big awards. Didn’t know Rick Rubin (who beat Will.I.Am for best producer) was behind the boards on their shit? So I guess in some bizarre way with the former Def Jam co-founder co-signing these country gals, hip-hop won! Yeah right.

The big rap winner of the night (at least on camera) was a very emotional Ludacris. Like Mary he finally got his shine on and won best Rap Album and proceeded to thank everyone from his ailing father (no jokes—we extend our prayers) to playful shout-outs to Bill O’Reilly and Oprah. The Ludameister came away with 2 awards, Chamillionaire got some hardware to join his MTV award and T.I. matched his former rival with a couple of trophies his damn self. Too bad the trap star was too Black for CBS.

That’s right, the best-selling rapper of the year got the shaft like Richard Roundtree. And with no acceptance speech for us to see, YN has taken the liberty to present to you what he feels like Tip’s one would be. And it goes a lil’ something this:

“Hey, bruh, ah man, when I said I was the king of the south, a lot of people doubted me especially this lil’ leprechaun-wearing dude who’s career I murdered. Hey Flipper, I seen your new video with Lyfe Jennings, and it’s hot garbage, patna. You ain’t never coming back. Anyway let’s keep the proceedings positive, I don’t want to say anything that may violate my probation, ya dig? I wanna thank Tiny I know I’ve put you through hoops but I love ya gurl. To all my kids, Tip is for the children. I wanna thank my partner Jason Geter. The Grand Hustle staff. The entire Atlantic Records staff. Lyor Cohen, Julie Greenwald, Kevin Likes, Mike Kyser, Craig Kallman, my publicist Sydney. And speaking of media, I just want to thank the boy YN and the entire XXL staff, for putting me and my crew on the cover. Your timing was impeccable. To all my artists Big Kuntry Caine, Young Dro… B.G. get your mind right bruh, do as I say and do as I do and I’ll take your career where it needs to be. To DJ Drama, we got your back there, patna. We got the best lawyers behind you and we will be exonerated of any and all charges there, bruh. Federal agents mad but we ain’t flagrant. You can’t stop the King and you can’t stop his patnas, patna. Rest in peace, to Philant Johnson, all you disrespectful cats on the Internet, like ole boy on the Parker Report, die a thousand deaths. To Justin, hey who was shawty no-name on stage with us? She’s no Jennifer Hudson or Jennifer Holliday… Anyway, stay up, it’s The King!”

P.S. I guess Wyclef and his new haircut are riding with Shakira til the wheels fall off. I don’t blame him. She can really shake that money maker.

  • The DJ Formerly Known as N-CREDIBLE

    B.G. get your mind right bruh, do as I say and do as I do and I’ll take your career where it needs to be
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    this raised my brow…wonder what he means by this…if BG gonna bow to another nigga thats lame…fuck with Baby man…

  • John Brown

    you forgot to mention “I got a new album coming out later this year be on the look out, Drama’s album is coming soon as well, B.G. coming out in March, Grand Hustle V. 1 in store during the summer, Is Grand Hustle baby, keep it pimpin, shawty”.

  • thatdukeSuave

    Damn YN picked TIP’s pockets for sho’. Sound just like him on the real, bruh. But you can keep dreamin if you think you gonna get shouted out in a Grammy speech. Not that you’re not deserving, but 1)Artists ain’t that damn grateful to be on XXL, but they should be & 2)They got a whole list of folks put together ‘just in case they win’, and still forget some of the most important people in their life. But to paraphrase the title of Billy’s post, ‘Who Gives a Fuck About a Goddamn Grammy Speech?’
    Also you forgot to mention Common telling Kanye that we all tired of hearing his crybaby ass everytime he don’t win an award! Funny shit!

  • EReal

    LOL @ The Jab at Jabba teh Bol.

    Patna! When I read that all I hear is Michael Rappaport’s voice sayin:
    “You dont hafta send your possie out here to do a 187 in my ass, PATNA!”
    Did anyone catch that Michael Rappaport is the molester in runaway love? Creepy like a mofo!

    1 hunned!

  • northern califoria

    ay i didnt see that shit but you said jt tha bigga figga was involved somehow do any of yall know whatsup with that…

  • yung ceasa

    >>>>>>>To DJ Drama, we got your back there, patna. We got the best lawyers behind you and we will be exonerated of any and all charges there, bruh. Federal agents mad but we ain’t flagrant.

    ———-

    yn is crazy for that one, but t.i.p. might actually have said that….but thanks to tha fcc, cbs, and grammy committie we will never know

  • jacquez
  • alleyeCNtower

    That’s simply fuckin’ hilarious, Elliott.
    About 3/4 of that would really be what T.I. would slur out, ha ha!

    And you are right about “Chris Brown was outshined by a lil’ munchkin dancer”, that’s all my girl was talking about for his whole performance, LOL

    Plus that girl that sung with JT was surely forgettable… who’s duck did she sick to get chosen over the other two?

    Ludacris gets NUFF respect for his “special shoutouts to Oprah and Bill O’Reilly”, that was done with subtle ghetto class.

    but ultimately, yes: who gives a fuck about a Grammy?

    not I.
    peace, bruh.

    p.s. The Stop Using The Word Swagger Campaign should be in full effect!

  • Belize

    haaaaaaaaaaa

  • projectnrm

    That sounded pitch-perfect.

    Sure Clifford didn’t have anything to do with that?

  • blergmatic

    “Hey Flipper, I seen your new video with Lyfe Jennings, and it’s hot garbage, patna.”

    Boy you wrong fa dat shit!!! LOL

  • SONNY CHEEBA

    TI looked tight when Luda won!

    Aha…

  • E AKA THE REAL NORIEAGA

    The DJ Formerly Known as N-CREDIBLE Says:

    February 12th, 2007 at 11:25 am
    B.G. get your mind right bruh, do as I say and do as I do and I’ll take your career where it needs to be
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    this raised my brow…wonder what he means by this…if BG gonna bow to another nigga thats lame…fuck with Baby man…
    ^^^^^
    Maybe B.G dosen’t condone the Cash Money code of gay marriage

    LOL at the shot you took at Bol. TI got robbed he should have won for best album.

  • PoppaHot1

    TI album was definitely better than Luda’s

  • nation

    all you disrespectful cats on the Internet, like ole boy on the Parker Report, die a thousand deaths.

    haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

  • Hurricane Game

    TIPs beef wit Flip is over and a song wit the two will be on T.I. vs T.I.P.
    Get yo facts right doggie.