Sittin’ on the crapper, watchin’ white rappers…and evidently I’m not the only one. That’s right—white, Black, Spanish and Asian (notice white is the only one not capitalized) folks have spoken, and not only can I sell magazines, but I can make hit TV shows, too. In both cases, I do it all with a lot of help from incredibly talented and hardworking people, but I’m the one with the biggest mouth, so I get to talk my ish. I truly am blessed—36 with the hottest Ms. (or Mrs., if you want to get tech). And still-concerned, sensitive thugs and grudge holders take note: My self-esteem is peachy keen. I’m over my nervous breakdown from 30 days ago. Please believe I meant what I said, but maybe I could have said it all a lil’ less harsh. But fuck it. Jigga lives with regrets, so why shouldn’t I? (Don’t ask me when I’m gonna have time to get that book done. I have no idea, son. Give a yellow nigga some more hours in the day.)
I do know that I’m fortunate to have the other Mr. Carter on the cover of the new Double XL. I don’t know what the fuck I was doin’ last year. Lil Wayne was the most in-demand dude throughout the ’06, and guess how many covers he got from YN and company? That’s right, a big zero. Or the donut, as Grandmaster Caz would say. For all those playing at home, the last time N’awlins’ hottest Hot Boy graced the front page of Hip-Hop on a Higher Level was…drum roll, please…November 2005? And we split him with Beanie Sigel? Right on the heels of Hurricane Katrina, he still couldn’t get a cover for dolo? Blasphemy. Guess I had my head up Juve’s ass for so long I couldn’t see the forest for the trees, but I can see clearly now: I’m riding with D’Wayne Carter ’til we crash like Brandy. Given my current status with some big-name rappers, that might come in handy. I got the pom-poms under the desk: We want Weezy!
I want to salute my squad for upgrading us into the future. Shit, where do I begin…
First, I want to shout out Mr. Nah Right Eskay for joining the team and becoming XXL’s new online editor. Yeah, he gets to keep doin’ his underground site. I support a fellow YBE (that’s Young Black Entrepreneur, for those who never listened to a Prodigy solo album before he went to Koch). Plus, Mr. RSS ain’t working alone. I got my whole mag staff invested in our online dominance, now led, of course, by V Satten from Money-Makin’ Manhattan. She’s got the troopers trooping, our computers computing (she’s from Harlem, you know). Seriously, the whole team has stepped up, as we all recognize now that just having the best magazine in the game ain’t enough.
The world ain’t gonna pass us by like the Pharcyde’s career. You want captivating content? We got it. On these pages or on our site, xxlmag.com. If you don’t know, now you know. We got the best bloggers, exclusive interviews, the newest dope music and a desire to kick sohh in their nuts and knock allhiphop off the top of their mountain. Your pass has been revoked, gentlemen. It’s time to face some real competition. Might be time to remix your shit. Seriously, y’all have had the same style since 2003. Bullshit alerts (Diddy invades Miami for Superbowl weekend!) can only hide your problems for so long. I’m the man, and you have no business plan. The site is still so-so like sohh sohh, and you’ll never see YN in a video. There’s always consequences to one’s actions.
Wait, I’m supposed to be Mr. Nice Guy this month. Relax, relate, release… Andre 3000 is rappin’ again, R. Kelly is makin’ it rain on you hoes, The Game’s clownin’ our Eye Candies, Young Buck keeps gettin’ arrested, Rich Boy’s got a hit, Jay-Z keeps sellin’ us shit, Drama’s out on bail—all is right in the world. Say word, I love this game. Even when I cop my first Emmy I’m just gonna take it back to my office at Harris and put it right on top of your favorite rapper’s CD. Is there really any other use for it?
And that’s all,
Elliott “El Capitan, King, Numero Uno” Wilson