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Prodigy’s solo music on Koch > Mobb Deep’s music on G-Unit
My reality show > Rappers pretending they have reality shows
Hallelujah Holla Back > Stylin’ On You
MC Serch > Carson Daly and that nigga Simon from A.I.
Rick Rubin > Any other whitey in the history of hip-hop
Rappers ex-ladies writing books > Rappers ex-ladies goin’ on TV shows
R&B singers always sleeping with rappers > Female rappers turning gay or crazy
Videotapes of rappers arguing > Videotapes of rappers fornicating
Bol unmasked > Ghostface unmasked
Kingdom Come (A cappella) > Kingdom Come
Joe Budden writing a blog for xxlmag.com > Joe Budden doing an album for Def Jam
Ricki Lake re-runs > Pretty Rickey
R Kelly droppin’ another album > R Kelly’s perverted-ass getting locked up like Akon
“Throw Some D’s (Remix)” > “Make it Rain (Remix)” (It’s close though)
Spending dough on bootleg CDs on Canal St > Downloading “free mixtapes”
Bury James Brown > Free DJ Drama
Potential G-Unit vs. Dip Set Beef > Tru Life and Jigga vs. Dip Set Beef
Rappers fading off into the sunset > Nas single-handedly ruining our Milk Carton column
Copping CD’s of old rappers in their prime > Pretending said rappers sound better today
Staying home and digitizing Lakim Shabazz and Cash Money and Marvelous LPs > Goin’ to work on a cold-ass Tuesday

Next Time: I know I said it was all about the Benjamin but I can’t get over the fact that Bol ain’t a cracker. I might have to cut his salary.