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The source of Persia’s swagger

Last week, Persia couldn’t even remember her raps, but she got to stuck around. Misfit’s shit wasn’t particularly on topic, but it was hot! I definitely would’ve found a way to keep her around until the last couple of weeks, if I was the one in charge.

At the beginning of tonight’s episode, G-Child mentions how Vanilla Ice is the biggest influence on her career. Having lived through the original Vanilla Ice era, I’ll at least give her props for staying true to her roots. I know mad people who had that album back in the day who try to front about it now.

This week’s celebrity guest is Brand Nubian. Er, Sadat X (apparently out of jail) and Lord Jamar from Brand Nubian. Serch introduces them as OGs: Original Godbodies, which I found somewhat amusing. Persia claims they were “who she got her swagger from in 1991.”

The funniest though was when they got on John Brown for that Ghetto Revival bullshit. They ask him what exactly he’s trying to revive and he’s like, “Uggh… the ghetto,” as if no one had ever asked him that question. I wish they would’ve asked him if his nom de rap was a nod to the crazy abolitionist.

They split into groups (Persia’s pissed about hers) and Serch announces this week’s mission, which will involve “going into a real studio.” As it turns out though, the studio is not a recording studio, but a TV studio. They’re going to be on some sort of black history game show.

Also, they’re led on to believe that they might be rhyming over a Prince Paul beat (as if people are knocking down his door for production), but it turns out he’s the host. The game is a sort of Family Fued knock-off, except all the questions are about stereotypes.

Or, as I like to call them, “truisms.”

Admittedly, some of the questions stumped me. Do black barbershops really have portraits of Martin Luther King and Malcolm X, let alone Tupac Shakur and Bill Clinton. It may have actually been funnier if they had to answer real questions about black history and culture.

What’s weird about the show so far is that it’s obvious the contestants aren’t really in on joke. They really think they’re on here to outrap one another and become the next Eminem. Dasit was the only one with sense enough to realize that from jump.

Persia’s team wins. They’re prize is spending an evening (including a delicious soul food dinner!) with Juelz Santana, whom Serch calls “Jewels” Santana. You wonder Serch, in his old age, is really that out of touch. Or maybe he just got some bad cue cards.

I didn’t catch the name of the spot they went to, but that shit looked good like a mofo! It actually kinda looked like the spot where Wesley Snipes took that white chick in Jungle Fever, for all of my early ’90s heads. (It’d be weird if it was the same place.)

It looks like they’re setting G-Child up to go home, but they might be pulling the old Road Rules-style switcheroo. The next day they’re visiting a barbershop in the Bronx, but G-Child can’t go because she doesn’t feel well.

At the barbershop, they rap for some guy who could very well be Mike Tyson’s long lost brother and another guy with a militant streak. Jus Rhyme, the ethnic studies scholar, does really well with the militant guy.

Elimination: The team that faces elimination includes Sullee, G-Child, 100 Proof, $hamrock. They pick pieces of white bread with topics on them (e.g. white trash) and head into the Ice Ice Chamber to write rhymes about them.

G-Child writes a relevant-enough verse, but stumbles a bit on the delivery. 100 Proof’s was aiight, but at least he had it memorized. Sullee’s verse on white power was weirdly defensive. $hamrock’s verse struck me as genuinely thoughtful.

In the deliberation stage, you get the idea that Serch has an issue with G-Child, especially with her Vanilla Ice fixation. He actually goes off on Sullee pretty hard, but then he sends G-Child home. To her credit, she seemed like a good sport about it.

NEXT WEEK: Jus Rhyme kicks some knowledge on white supremacy.

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