Contact Us

Sealing the deal

As tonight’s episode begins, the white rappers are sitting around discussing last week’s episode, in which Dasit was sent packing. What was with that, anyway? Obviously there was something going on other than him being a wack rapper. After all, look at the rest of these d-bags.

Last week, it seemed like all the guys were drooling over Misfit, but this week, it looks like they’re all over it (I know I’m not), except for Sullee. Only thing is, Misfit tells Sullee she only goes for black guys with a little thug in them. It especially helps if you look like Juelz Santana.

The next day, Serch takes the gang to the park where they meet Kurtis Blow and some other aging hi-hop jigs. One of them is kinda dressed like the cop from the Village People. They go to a park and do some break dancing. One of the white guys and the little meth chick were that bad.

Later, they go to some sort of church in a public housing complex. I notice Misfit is so not dressed to be going to church. I also notice Misfit is so my new favorite which chick evar. Hopefully, she reads this and decides to do the nasty with me. After all, I am pretty thugged out.

At the project-church, they play a hip-hop trivia game. Grandmaster Caz from the Cold Crush Bros. plays the Dick Clark or whatever. Amazingly, none of these d-bags (other than of course Misfit) can name the group that did “Shook Ones Pt. 2.” That’s just wrong.

John Brown, 100 Proof (the biker looking guy), and Persia make it to the finals. John Brown is quick on the buzzer, but he doesn’t know any of the groups or songs by their real name. 100 Proof is a bit slower, but more knowledgable and ultimately ends up winning the final round.

For winning the contest, 100 Proof is presented with a ghetto pass. He’s immune from elimination this week. Afterwards, G-Child worries she might be the next one sent home and goes on a rather staged-looking tirade against non-Juggalo rappers like Fiddy and Dipset.

Elimination time: Serch has everyone give him their right shoe and stand in a line. He randomly pulls shoes out of the bag to pick teams. Grandmaster Caz arrives and kicks some freestyle rhymes with Serch. The elimination round involves the teams rhyming as a group.

So they go off to separate rooms, and from the editing it looks like they’re setting up either G-Child or Misfit to be eliminated. Ruh roh. Which I took to mean that G-Child is going home, since sending Misfit home this early on would obviously be a ratings disaster.

The team with G-Child ends up winning (Caz said they sounded good as a group), which means that either Persia, Misfit, Sullee or $hamrock is going home. Persia! Persia! Persia! Later that evening, Sullee and Misfit get drunk and do a little spooning. Damn.

(During the final commercial break, there’s a commercial for the University of Phoenix with a New Pornographers song. I hope they were paid exceedingly well.)

The final elimination round involves writing a self-deprecating verse. Sullee’s verse was hot! Persia starts alright, then can’t finish. Misfit’s verse isn’t even self-deprecating. John Brown’s verse isn’t as amusing as Sullee’s but it’s still pretty decent.

It looks like it’s actually going to come down to a choice between Persia and Misfit, which is going to be a bad look for the series either the way: the best-looking girl vs. the most obnoxious girl. It’s too bad G-Child’s team won the other contest.

And, damnit, Misfit is sent home. As Gerard would say, fuuuuuck. It’s going to be hard bringing myself to watch the rest of these episodes knowing those fake boobs aren’t going to be on display. Jay-Z, if you’re reading this, sign her to Def Jam already.

NEXT WEEK: John Brown is forced to explain Ghetto Revival to Lord Jamar from Brand Nubian.

Recommended For You

Around the Web

Best of XXL

Leave a Comment

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing VIP profile. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to http://www.xxlmag.com using your original account information.

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

(Forgot your password?)

Not a member? Sign up here

Sign up for XXL Mag quickly by connecting your Facebook account. It's just as secure and no password to remember!