Anyone else catch the premiere of ego trip's (White) Rapper Show last night? Of course I did. Being both a fan of MTV-style reality series and a one-time fan of rap music, (W)RS couldn't help but be right up my alley, or whatever the saying is.

Here's my recap of episode one:

The first episode of VH1 and ego trip's (White) Rapper Show begins with erstwhile white rapper MC Serch, from the group 3rd Bass, and his former producer slash black co-signer Prince Paul evaluating a group of 30 or so semi-finalists.

Presumably, these 30 or so have been pre-selected from a series of auditions, but none of that was explained in last night's episode. Clearly, some of these people are there because they possess a certain degree of potential and some of them are just there because they look funny on TV.

A few of my favorites were some d-bag named John Brown who calls himself the King of the Burbs, this broad named Jah Jah who looks like she might bang a lot of black dudes (which is what I look for in a woman), and Jus Rhyme, a ridonkulously earnest ethnic studies major from USC.

The selection process involves Serch and Prince Paul pulling pictures down from a bulletin board not unlike Diddy did on Making the Band 2. Most of the people you'd expect to make it did, except for Jah Jah, which is unfortunate.

Of the four girls they do end up with, none of them are particularly good rappers and three of them are just downright nasty-looking. In addition to the aforementioned Misfit there's the huge comedian Miss CKC and the huge would-be ghetto girl Persia plus some tiny meth addict-looking chick.

Serch leads the lucky 10 to their new home in the South Bronx, which still looks pretty damn shitty a good 30 years after the fact. The house they'll be living in, which looks like some sort of industrial building or garage, is nothing to write about either.

The White House, as it's called, is decorated with what I'm assuming is supposed to be a lot of early '80s NYC-era junk plus some amusing white rapper-related decor, like a big-ass jar of ego trip brand mayonaisse. Heh. Supposed ghetto girl Persia throws a mini bitch-fit upon finding a roach in the shower.

As the group settles in, $hamrock asks John Brown what he means by calling himself the King of the Burbs. What I could gather of his response had to do with something called Ghetto Revival and him being a franchise and a buncha other such silliness.

[My own John Brown question: Is his nom de rap a nod to the mental case who died trying to free the slaves? If so, that's pretty dang meta, even by VH1 standards. Or maybe that's just his real name.]

Their first challenge: split up into teams and rap for the neighbors, as well as hand out bags filled with t-shirts and saltines (get it?). The two most annoying cast members, Persia and John Brown, have been selected as team captains.

We can presume the neighbors have been pre-screened to make sure they aren't violent crackheads or anything. Still, I found the jig with the naked baby amusing. And one of the neighbors is none other than hip-hop pioneer Grandmaster Flash. Really?

Later on that evening, after a hard day of rapping for the natives, the group retires to the White House for a night cap. Persia has one too many and just up and starts trying to battle John Brown while he's sitting there minding his own business.

His response: "Get your weight up, not your hate up." To which she responds by dropping several dreaded n-bombs on him, telling him to get off her dick(?), and waving a dildo in his face, as if to provoke him to knock her fat cracka ass into next week.

Word gets back to MC Serch, who I'm sure has business ventures he needs to maintain with various black people. As such, Persia is informed that she's no longer allowed to use the dreaded n-word and is given a huge chain with a dreaded n-word medallion to wear for the rest of the day.

They head out to play miniature golf, though it's not explained what in the world this has to do with the price of tea in China. You can see the chain wearing down on Persia's neck and afterwards she starts crying and talking about how she has a drinking problem and she used to be homeless.

Later on that evening is the elimination ceremony, which has obviously been cribbed from "The Apprentice" - the main twist being that the rappers are given 30 minutes to sit in an industrial freezer and write a rhyme based on the day's events. The rapper with the wackest rhyme is sent packing.

Persia's team is immune from elimination because they won the rap for the native's event. Dasit - the guy with the shirt and tie - is on John Brown's team and for whatever reason, he doesn't bother to write a rhyme for the final competition.

Serch calls him out for not having anything to say about being in the birth place of hip-hop and meeting Grandmaster Flash, which leads to a staged-looking confrontation between the two of them.

Serch: "Sit the fuck down!

Dasit: "Don't curse at me!"

Serch: "Step off!"

And with that, Dasit is sent packing. Serch tosses his sneakers up on the telephone line, like they do when someone dies in the ghetto (right?), then someone pops out with a can of something called Step Off and sprays Dasit down with it.

NEXT WEEK: G-Child, the little tweaker girl, hates 50 Cent and Dipset.


Avant garde rapper Jamie Radford auditioned for the series and will be doing his own recaps. Here's his recap and review of episode one. Also, the other Fresh checked out last night's episode and didn't like it as much.