It’s a ghetto revival

Anyone else catch the premiere of ego trip’s (White) Rapper Show last night? Of course I did. Being both a fan of MTV-style reality series and a one-time fan of rap music, (W)RS couldn’t help but be right up my alley, or whatever the saying is.

Here’s my recap of episode one:

The first episode of VH1 and ego trip’s (White) Rapper Show begins with erstwhile white rapper MC Serch, from the group 3rd Bass, and his former producer slash black co-signer Prince Paul evaluating a group of 30 or so semi-finalists.

Presumably, these 30 or so have been pre-selected from a series of auditions, but none of that was explained in last night’s episode. Clearly, some of these people are there because they possess a certain degree of potential and some of them are just there because they look funny on TV.

A few of my favorites were some d-bag named John Brown who calls himself the King of the Burbs, this broad named Jah Jah who looks like she might bang a lot of black dudes (which is what I look for in a woman), and Jus Rhyme, a ridonkulously earnest ethnic studies major from USC.

The selection process involves Serch and Prince Paul pulling pictures down from a bulletin board not unlike Diddy did on Making the Band 2. Most of the people you’d expect to make it did, except for Jah Jah, which is unfortunate.

Of the four girls they do end up with, none of them are particularly good rappers and three of them are just downright nasty-looking. In addition to the aforementioned Misfit there’s the huge comedian Miss CKC and the huge would-be ghetto girl Persia plus some tiny meth addict-looking chick.

Serch leads the lucky 10 to their new home in the South Bronx, which still looks pretty damn shitty a good 30 years after the fact. The house they’ll be living in, which looks like some sort of industrial building or garage, is nothing to write about either.

The White House, as it’s called, is decorated with what I’m assuming is supposed to be a lot of early ’80s NYC-era junk plus some amusing white rapper-related decor, like a big-ass jar of ego trip brand mayonaisse. Heh. Supposed ghetto girl Persia throws a mini bitch-fit upon finding a roach in the shower.

As the group settles in, $hamrock asks John Brown what he means by calling himself the King of the Burbs. What I could gather of his response had to do with something called Ghetto Revival and him being a franchise and a buncha other such silliness.

[My own John Brown question: Is his nom de rap a nod to the mental case who died trying to free the slaves? If so, that's pretty dang meta, even by VH1 standards. Or maybe that's just his real name.]

Their first challenge: split up into teams and rap for the neighbors, as well as hand out bags filled with t-shirts and saltines (get it?). The two most annoying cast members, Persia and John Brown, have been selected as team captains.

We can presume the neighbors have been pre-screened to make sure they aren’t violent crackheads or anything. Still, I found the jig with the naked baby amusing. And one of the neighbors is none other than hip-hop pioneer Grandmaster Flash. Really?

Later on that evening, after a hard day of rapping for the natives, the group retires to the White House for a night cap. Persia has one too many and just up and starts trying to battle John Brown while he’s sitting there minding his own business.

His response: “Get your weight up, not your hate up.” To which she responds by dropping several dreaded n-bombs on him, telling him to get off her dick(?), and waving a dildo in his face, as if to provoke him to knock her fat cracka ass into next week.

Word gets back to MC Serch, who I’m sure has business ventures he needs to maintain with various black people. As such, Persia is informed that she’s no longer allowed to use the dreaded n-word and is given a huge chain with a dreaded n-word medallion to wear for the rest of the day.

They head out to play miniature golf, though it’s not explained what in the world this has to do with the price of tea in China. You can see the chain wearing down on Persia’s neck and afterwards she starts crying and talking about how she has a drinking problem and she used to be homeless.

Later on that evening is the elimination ceremony, which has obviously been cribbed from “The Apprentice” – the main twist being that the rappers are given 30 minutes to sit in an industrial freezer and write a rhyme based on the day’s events. The rapper with the wackest rhyme is sent packing.

Persia’s team is immune from elimination because they won the rap for the native’s event. Dasit – the guy with the shirt and tie – is on John Brown’s team and for whatever reason, he doesn’t bother to write a rhyme for the final competition.

Serch calls him out for not having anything to say about being in the birth place of hip-hop and meeting Grandmaster Flash, which leads to a staged-looking confrontation between the two of them.

Serch: “Sit the fuck down!

Dasit: “Don’t curse at me!”

Serch: “Step off!”

And with that, Dasit is sent packing. Serch tosses his sneakers up on the telephone line, like they do when someone dies in the ghetto (right?), then someone pops out with a can of something called Step Off and sprays Dasit down with it.

NEXT WEEK: G-Child, the little tweaker girl, hates 50 Cent and Dipset.

///

Avant garde rapper Jamie Radford auditioned for the series and will be doing his own recaps. Here’s his recap and review of episode one. Also, the other Fresh checked out last night’s episode and didn’t like it as much.

  • bay area

    1st bitch

    bay area stand up

  • http://whocareswhatpeoplethink thecollinb

    *crickets*

  • NSW

    The show is lame as fuck I fell asleep on it, jus like i did this post.Let’s here about weezy’s bitch ass gettin his jaw broke from one of his entourage!!!

  • Belize

    Wash my nuts Bol!

  • Notorious A.G.C.

    *who the fuck is cheesy and FAKE enough to watch that show*=boL

  • THE ONE

    I know white boys that would seriously shit on that show. Fuckin reality tv, so fuckin scripted. That fat bitch Is the nicest on there and she sucks. First and last time I’ll watch that shit. And that god awful “I love NY” show. Damn, tv Is just like hip hop. All the good shows came on back In the day and no one has any type of creativity anymore.

  • Ali

    Another step forward for hip hop!

    Yeah Right

  • http://xxlmag.com eskay

    John Brown’s name is Greg Kaysen.

    Go figure.

  • The DJ Formerly Known as N-CREDIBLE

    Bol is one of those double-filled oreos

  • myzcarter

    this show sound so corny.

  • http://myspace.com/djchase247 Eastside Bread Maker

    Thank goodness I didnt waste my time watching this bullshit.

  • gakfdsp

    1st bitches

  • SONNY CHEEBA

    i laughed my ass off at this show!

    Eminem should be proud he made it, bcuz after this- it’s gonna be hard for a cracka to eat off Hip-Hop…

    Unless he makes beats (Scott Storch, JR Rotem-the poor man’s Scott Storch), is an executive (Jimmy Iovine, Doug Morris), or does ANYTHING other than rap…

    WORD!

  • b-ease

    Did y’all watch this expecting/wanting to see nice white rappers??

    Are you stupid??

    You watch shit like this for unintentional comedy! The fat bitch waved a dildo in dudes face then the other white boy threw a chair and ran around some guy when he didnt even have to.That shit was hilarious!She waved a dildo in his face? The look of the dudes on the stoop after the redneck said “yall know what im talking about” after the “crack” line? Classic. Did you see the cat with the deformed lip? thats not entertaining to yall? we must be on different planets, cuz im checking this shit out next week. not to mention tom sizemore’s meth addicted ass (funny as shit also)

  • chizamp

    Ha…damn…did you really put a post up about that shitty show? It’s all good Bol…but stick to hatin on talented MC’s…that’s “up your alley”

  • b-ease

    And fuck white rappers in general. any white guy that wants to be an MC should be humiliated; another service this show is providing us.

  • LONZO

    And we wonder why Hip Hop is Dying?………cuz of stupid ass BS like that show, and faggot ass niggaz like Bol who actually like it and waste a whole post on it….. R.I.P- real Hip Hop.

  • LONZO

    Fuck Jay-Z blue, fuck post Eminem Show Eminem, fuck 50 cent and the GheyUnit, fuck this post, fuck DFB, fuck snap music, fuck the police, fuck def jam for not promoting talented rappers like Ghostface, Method Man etc., fuck Hip POP.

  • LONZO

    Fuck xxlmag for not postin my other comment.

  • Fernando

    you suck Bol.

    You think its a coincidence that Sick has ovr 100 posts EVEN WITH THE NEW WACK-ASS POST DELAY GOING ON And NOBODY cares about your posts anymore (even Rey & Transient abandoned Bol)????

    Sick actually has a post that spurrs arguments & opinions, not a review of a sh*tty show that I will never watch. Learn about it you fat ugly piece of sh*t!

  • Layon

    “I’m not a rapper I’m an entity” LMAO

  • http://87northmusic.com The Biz

    horrid.

  • Gama

    Damn LONZO you need some pussy my nigga the show is lame but shout out to serch for discovering nas tho.

  • E AKA THE REAL NORIEAGA

    sneakers up on the telephone line, like they do when someone dies in the ghetto (right?),
    ^^^^^
    On my old block they did that at the drug spots

    And one of the neighbors is none other than hip-hop pioneer Grandmaster Flash. Really?
    ^^^^^^^
    I think Flash lives there because he’s broke not because he love the Bronx

    Any show that makes fun of crakas and jigs is entertaining to me

  • jacquez
  • http://xxlmag.com DARK

    as much of a bitch bol is after dissin muslims even I got to agree with him here fuck this reality show and fuck these punk ass honkies usin racial slurs and shit actually this show is just ruinng the wigger image which is good look how dumb these mafuckas look bitch ass wiggers and anyone got a problem with what I’m sayin fuck you too revoultion is comin.one

  • http://deleted Bama Smacker

    LONZO Says:

    January 9th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
    Fuck Jay-Z blue,

    LOL LOL word up ama fuck up persia ugly ass 4 sayin nigga white cracka

  • E AKA THE REAL NORIEAGA

    FREE JUAN URIBE

  • son boy

    i noticed you said “the aforementioned misfit” but didn’t write anything about her prior to that. you probably meant to write something about how she was hot, but sounded british and wasn’t a very good rapper. that was misfit right?

  • FrostyFreeze

    I caught a few minutes of I [heart] NY last night, and it sucked. I can understand why dumb broads might look at Flavor Flav and assume he has money, but everybody knows Miss NY has no money (she was just trying to gold-dig off Flav like 6 months ago) and she’s the Anti-Cute! I cant understand why any of these dudes want her.

    I’m sorry I missed The (W)RS, sounds hilarious. Of course they’re not looking for ACTUAL rappers, they’re just looking for idiots to make jackasses of themselves, just like every other reality show.

  • Tyler

    Yea’ I peep’d this shit and it was funny as hell. I would love 2 bang the shit outta that meth chic and who gives a fuck if she could rap or not keep her around yo. . I can’t believe that this is the best of all the white dude they could find but still a couple of them have heart and some skills. Bol, what about the I Love New York show? Peep the musical heat and vibes at:
    http://www.myspace.com/marcusorealiusmusic
    http://www.myspace.com/marcmaysrockandrollthug

  • http://WWW.MYSPACE.COM/LARRYBRITE Larry_Brite

    i herd an interview w/ dude from 3rd bass yesterday morning before the show aired last night & wasn’t too excited to watch (so i didn’t). Dood from 3rd bass made it sound like white people were ‘oppressed’ in the rap game & it was there ‘responsibility’ (unlike my need to spell correctly) to put white people on the map again for ‘RAP’(W.T.F.?). OKAY – Than let’s have Quincy Jones & LA Reid host a show called ‘The Black A & R’, because sooooo many minoritys get a chance to ‘put it down’ for the music biz. (W.T.F.?)

  • http://asudiha,cim Anton

    hahaha, your hillarious, i actually appreciated this

  • Malik B

    Jah Jah has a nice rack.

  • Cuban Link

    ….wow

    First off John Brown was a genius.He did the smartest thing ever and if it wasnt for him all them black peoples would still be slaves.In fact, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. swagger jacked him.But honestly, who cares about that?

    Anyway, if u had any intention of becoming a rapper, why would you ever go on that show?Those shows are suicide for any career outside of television, because if the winner (or anyone else on the show for that matter) did actually manage to make it in hip hop, they wont be known as who ever they are, like The King of the Burbs.They would just be known as that dude from the (White) Rapper show.His shit wouldnt ever make it to anywhere else but VH1.

  • SONNY CHEEBA

    Bol is a “white rapper”…

    the picture above is a fake!

  • coach k

    Was it me or was Mr. Ghetto Revival cockeyed(cross eyed).

  • Danja29

    If you’re over 20 and you still think hip-hop is this Temple that can never be satirized or laughed at, then you should consider COMMITTIN’ THAT. I love it to death, but Hip-hop music in and of itself is a got-damn looooong joke. Anything that happens to it at this point should not shock or anger any of us, because it’s entirely too late to save this shit.

    That bein’ said, this train wreck of a show is gonna make for some classic comedy. This shit ain’t killin’ hip-hop, it’s just killin’ the rap careers of 10 people who don’t stand a chance in hell at actually being famous after this show is over. Any self-respecting black hip-hop fan who can’t find anything funny in this shit needs a sense-of-humor bypass.

    Oh, and I’d fuck Persia… dreaded n-words aside.

    Ghetto Revival, son.

  • dat coonz nigga

    I IZ SAYZ “FUCKZ DIZ WIGGAZ”

  • Stax On Deck

    Kinda Funny Show, but that Fat Bitch said the N-Word jus a lil too many times. Since when can white people say nigga jus like us and mean it in the same way. The world is so mixed up

  • Hurricane Game

    This posts gay like the doc dropper.
    And nearly all White rappers suck.
    Heres a list of gay white rappers.

    Kevin Federline=teh ghey back up dancer.
    Vanilla Ice=Benchmark for all wiggaz.
    John Cena=Muscly Homo.
    50 Cent?

  • TS

    lol@angry “hip hop is dead” posts

    anyway, yeah, amusing show. they better keep that british broad around though, talent or not

  • Kevin Federline

    You noiggaz are proud to be noiggaz?

    watch at p diddy, that noigga is sooo wack man, he has to be white fo real my noiggaz

  • http://none killa black

    ITS sad that MTV would want too belittle hiphop and have the nerve to do the show in the home of hiphop with wack white so called rappers, but it also shows how powerful hiphop is to our culture. Thats why am glad to be a part of the FUTURE OF HIPHOP
    (myspace,com/Blu-Black)(myspace.com/ATLAS)

  • http://none killa black

    ITS sad that MTV would want too belittle hiphop and have the nerve to do the show in the home of hiphop with wack white so called rappers, but it also shows how powerful hiphop is to our culture. Thats why am glad to be a part of the FUTURE OF HIPHOP
    (myspace,com/Blu-Black)(myspace.com/ATLAS)

  • Mndl

    Is it me or does Jigga go after Weezy on Trouble.

  • mannyworld33

    E AKA THE REAL NORIEAGA Says:

    January 9th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
    FREE JUAN URIBE
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    co-sign, cause i’m a sox fan!

  • mannyworld33

    LONZO Says:

    January 9th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
    Fuck Jay-Z blue, fuck post Eminem Show Eminem, fuck 50 cent and the GheyUnit, fuck this post, fuck DFB, fuck snap music, fuck the police, fuck def jam for not promoting talented rappers like Ghostface, Method Man etc., fuck Hip POP.
    LONZO Says:

    January 9th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
    Fuck xxlmag for not postin my other comment.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    DAMN HOMIE, YOU ON A ROLL(NO BIG TYMERS) BUT YOU 4GOT FUCK BOL!(NO BOL)

  • mannyworld33

    Mndl Says:

    January 10th, 2007 at 7:37 am
    Is it me or does Jigga go after Weezy on Trouble.
    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    IT’S EITHER HIM OR BOW WOW, SUMBODY “LIL” WHO WAS TALKIN’ SHIT

  • EReal

    Bol you make me sick. Is this the fuckin TV GUIDE??
    Write about something worth while. If you dont know that this show is a fuckin joke youre a retard like John Brown, that cross eyed retard cock sucker(No Cash Money Homos). And that Misfit bitch looks like shes fuckin 30 or someones mom or some shit, just with a rack. Then theres a couple rednecks, a fat white bitch with a big black dil, and a little rat girl who loves vanilla ice yet hates 50 cent and Dipset, thats the jist. Now, Can you PUH-LEASE find something meaningful to write about for us?? Theres only like 100 other bloggers doing weeklies on this waste of time show. 07 isnt a good look for you so far Bol.

  • let the game begin

    this show is sad them white people know that they can’t take over hiphop like they did with Rock and Roll this is jus one of they attempts to and getting white people disguise as blacks to talk about it in they blogs might work.

  • let the game begin

    this show is sad them white people know that they can’t take over hiphop like they did with Rock and Roll this is jus one of they attempts to and getting white people disguised as blacks to talk about it in they blogs might work.

  • http://urlwww.young-e.de.tl Playa=50=

    some whitez has more skillz than black has. look at eminem for example.

  • That dude

    Yeah the White Rapper show was right after that flavor of love show(which had King Queer, and made fun of hispanic stereotypes), I guess to balance out the coonery. What is the world coming to? I couldn’t believe the stupidity till I saw it for myself.

  • Prince Of The South

    That shit was crzy when the girl held that dildo up to his mouth. It’s only one of them that can spit a little bit, but the blonde haired girl without the pigtails is cute, I don’t know what you talking about.

  • b.sea

    call it over and just hand the grand prize right over to John Brown, right now.

    he’s the only guy with game and marketing skills that are so deep, it’s passing y’all right by.

    some day, when you’ve all done blasted enough revival classics to finally get where he’s at, well, it’s you who will be converted to a witness.

    Ghetto Revival, it’s happeneing right under your nose, on a global basis, baby.

    there’s no hate in his heart.

  • http://WWW.BALLSTARRECORDS.COM J Book

    I don’t know if anyone told ya’ll but most of the cats on this show had deals and sh@t before they even got on.
    Misfit got her name from Proof.
    Dasit was signed with Hammer and now has a multi-million dollar deal.
    Sullee has had an album awaiting release under the production of Teddy Riley since 2004
    and that’s just to name a few. I found this all out on myspace in a matter of 15 minutes.
    Crazy huh?

  • http://www.myspace.com/nativesun803 NativeSun

    Did you say “Jig” with the naked baby!?

    What the Fuck!?

  • THE REAL BIZ

    I dont know about these cats……but who is SERCH to cosign anybody……fuck…look back at hip-hop history…have we forgotten….he was Corny as fuck to….he wasnt no Bestie Boys….if any one was gonna do this show it should have been them….Serch was corny and is Corny!!!

    Lets keep it real…….Persia is tryin a little too hard to represent the hood!! Once John Brown is able to explain what the fuck he is talkin bout “ghetto revival” he may make it…but he’s just talkin Jibberish!!!

    These folks need help…not a show exploitin em……..

    Check out some real bosses….The Biz.com

    you can find it on youtube.com

  • THE REAL BIZ

    G-CHILD…..are you fuckin serious????

    It’s a wrap!!!!!!!!!

    get her off the fuckin show

  • http://myspace show discipline nigga

    yo jon brown and ghetto revival is baptising the nation with something new. after checking out there myspace pages i think its right to say that they’re gonna be the faces of 2007 hip hop scene…….hallelujah holla back

  • http://www.vicchristopher.com Vic Christopher

    John Brown is the King of the ‘Burbs!

    It’s all about Ghetto Revival!

  • http://xxlmag.com DARK

    King of the burbs?so dis white cracker ass crackety ass crackea wigga is sayin ghetto revivel and sayin he king of da burbs.LOLOLOL he sayin he king of the suburbs.And fuck that fat ass white bitch usin racial slurs yall come down to the hood dressin like us and say nigga you’d get fucked up in 15 diferrent ways yall bitch ass wigga honkys need to go like over there>>>>>>>>>>>and fuck off.

  • king of the crakas

    take a chill black man and look at it as what it is…. entertainment!!!

  • http://GhettoRevival King of the Burbs

    Yo this is John Brown from the White Rapper show I just gotta explain that I’m bringing the Ghetto Revival because I’m King of the Burbs!

    Hallelujah holla back!

  • BROWNPRIDE

    DARK.IS A FUCKED UP PIECE OF SHIT……THAT SHOW IS WACK

  • Jessica Hauk

    hhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy every one John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    John brown is going to win!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Fly away

    Fly away, Fly away, and get the hell out my way. Thats right the only one with a little talent won the show. But if sully stayed than he would have won

  • Christian

    You should not be so quick to judge the characters on these reality shows. Only about ten percent of the footage taken is used. The final product of these reality shows is a result of extensive editing. VH1 is going to show the characters how they want them to be shown. Do a little research on the web (Google) and see what John Brown is really about. He does a better job explaining his “Ghetto Revival” on his site and in interviews. He is the real deal, and was even hesitant to do the show. They had to beg him to come at the last moment. That’s it. Hallelujah Holla Back! Im out.

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