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Young Hov’s Midlife Crisis

Jay-Z 

The ’69 Baby just dropped the most anticipated rap album since…well, The Black Album. So due to popular demand, I’ve decided to bend my ear and listen to see what all the hype is about. Kingdom Come features a new Jay-Z, a grown (read: old) man who “doesn’t surf the net” and has “never been on myspace” but still talks to chicks on “Ichat” for “computer love”. By now you’ve heard the presidential waving anthem “Show Me What You Got”, the Rick James sampled “Kingdom Come” and the Beyonce dumping “Lost Ones”. Two songs that come across very Jordan on the Wizard-ish are “Anything” featuring Usher and Pharrell and “Hollywood” featuring his boo boo “Be-Be”. Even the biggest Jigga enthusiast can’t stick up for these two ear bleeders. They show a more wack and sell outty grown and sexy side of Shawn Carter that no one really wanted to see.

“The maturation of Jay-Zissou” is best vocalized on the album’s stand-out track “30 Something”. Hov reminisces on when he wore hoodies (November XXL Cover?), warns his foes to not “let the patent leather shoes fool you”, brags about good credit and how he “doesn’t have the bright watch” but the “right watch”. Though since he’s closer to 40 then 30,  I personally think it would be smart move to make a “30 Something Remix” called  “40 Something” featuring Dr Dre, Big Daddy Kane & Ice-T just to have in the stash. On “Trouble”, Jay-Z wins the Kurupt Young Gotti Award for the most use (19) of a derogatory term (“little nigga”) in a single verse. The youth bashing seems to be a reoccurring theme on Kingdom Come.

The LP gets better when El Presidente’ takes the ascot off to throw subliminals shots at everyone who’s been attacking him since his retirement. Hov warns Doug Morris, Jimmy Iovine and LA Reid that he’ll be “letting it blow” on a youngin if they get out of line. Then proceeds to diss Dame retrospectively on the aforementioned “Lost Ones”, Game gets a slap on the wrist (“I used to think rapping at 38 was eww/but last year alone I grossed $38 Mil”), R. Kelly gets a straight jab, (“When the singer Rob calls the police on me/y’all niggas went out and copped the CD/see what I’ve discovered is y’all some snitch lovers”), 50 Cent gets a left hook (“I’m from the era where niggas don’t snitch/You from the era where snitchin is the shit/I’m afraid of the future/Y’all respect the one who got shot/I respect the shooter”)and throws the former 106 & Parker under the bus, saying fuck a skee-o the day “he has a baby by Free”. But Jay dedicates a whole song to Cam’Ron. “Dig A Hole” is one big lackluster subliminal to King Joffie Joe:
 
“Hov gonna get you I ain’t forget your little disrespect

No hoe daddy gonna spank you for your that shit you said

It’s hard to do when you got nothing to prove
Everybody know you better you in a lose/lose
Cause even when you win ultimately you lose
Real niggas like ‘Why Hov Talking To Dude?’

He sellin a little tools only time he went plat 
My chain was on your neck that’s an actual fact
SO I’m praying that it spills outside of the booth
That’s when y’all niggas outside of your truth
Outside of your league that’s not what you do
Niggas throwing Roc signs outside of your coupe!”

Jay’s lucky he didn’t drop this right after “You Gotta Love It” because Cam would’ve definitely one any battle of the beats anywhere inside the 50 States. Chancletas!
But Jay’s biggest beef on Kingdom Come isn’t Katrina, Killa, Ferrari F-50 or The Pied Piper: It’s the youth. He hates them now that he can see over the 40-year-old horizon. Jay even hates Beyonce for being 23 on “Lost Ones”. So on this album he tries to do the impossible, something no one could do in the history of popular culture: make being old cool. Though it’s a valiant effort, Mr. Carter will find out quickly that not even the most influential black man in America (Sorry Diddy, even though you did put out a better album) can make kids want to act like a bunch of grandparents. The youngin’s won’t be able to ride with you on Kingdom Come. I have a more suitable name for this album: Midlife Crisis.

Jay’s lucky he didn’t drop this right after “You Gotta Love It” because Cam would’ve definitely one any battle of the beats anywhere inside the 50 States. Chancletas!But Jay’s biggest beef on Kingdom Come isn’t Katrina, Killa, Ferrari F-50 or The Pied Piper: It’s the youth. He hates them now that he can see over the 40-year-old horizon. Jay even hates Beyonce for being 23 on “Lost Ones”. So on this album he tries to do the impossible, something no one could do in the history of popular culture: make being old cool. Though it’s a valiant effort, Mr. Carter will find out quickly that not even the most influential black man in America (Sorry Diddy, even though you did put out a better album) can make kids want to act like a bunch of grandparents. The youngin’s won’t be able to ride with you on Kingdom Come. I have a more suitable name for this album: Midlife Crisis.

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