Pleased to Meet Me
Branching off from Friday’s post about popular myths having to do with black men, I thought it’d be interesting to create a similar post addressing several myths about yours truly.
I’ve resisted writing about myself too much here because a) XXL is a hip-hop magazine, not a Bol magazine, b) I invariably end up writing so much about myself anyway while ostensibly discussing hip-hop, and c) I’ve got my own blog in which I’ve already written quite a bit about myself.
Indeed I imagine hardly any of the following will be news to anyone who’s been following my shit for the past year or so. But based on some of the claims about myself that I’ve seen bandied about in the comments section here, I’m sure there’s at least a few of you who could stand to learn a thing or two.
So, without further ado.
Myth: Bol is a white guy.
Truth: Does Bol look like a white guy in his pictures? Obviously not.
Here’s the thing: from the time my own blog started – about three years ago – up until about a year ago, there weren’t very many photographs of yours truly on the Internets. There was a picture of me drinking a beer on my roommate’s blog about two years ago, but it’s long since been taken down.
Except for a brief period in which I pretended to be a 60-year-old white guy (and was subsequently threatened with a lawsuit), I never claimed to be anything other than a twenty-something black guy. But because so many black people obviously struggle with the English language, people assumed that I couldn’t possibly be one of them. I’m at a loss though for how this is my fault.
Myth: Bol lives in his mom’s basement.
Truth: As amusing as it is to think of a grown-ass man living in his mom’s basement, playing on the Internets at all hours of the day and night, this is just patently untrue. I haven’t lived at my parents’ house on a regular basis since I was 18 years old, way the fuck back in the 1990s.
I started out blogging from my dorm room, out in Chicken Switch, MO, and then I lived with my parents for about two weeks after I graduated from college, about two years ago. Since then, I’ve lived in a series of shitty apartments, surrounded by people’s filthy pets and Indian and all of the other bullshit you have to put up with when you rent.
My parents’ basement is shangri-la by comparison.
Myth: Bol is a failed journalist.
Truth: This one was actually put forth most recently by underground rap legend Slug. It goes a little something like this: Bol studied to become a journalist, but he sucked so bad the only job he could find was writing about rap music for the kind of imbeciles who read XXL.
Again, there’s just not a scintilla of truth to this claim. First of all, my degree is in business, not journalism. The only writing classes I took were the same shit everybody else had to take freshman year, assuming you went to college. Blogging is just some shit I did to pass the time during my epic, marathon senior year; and for what it’s worth, I’ve had some success at it.
If Bol is a failed journalist, what does that make the legion of d-bags who studied this shit and aren’t even as prominent as Bol?
Myth: Bol attacked your favorite rapper.
Truth: Quite the contrary. Take for example the case with Bun B. I brought up what I thought was an interesting point having to do with the campaign to free Pimp C, as if he didn’t deserve to go to jail for the shit he did. Next thing you know, Bun B was on here ordering me to shove things in my pussy. No Siobhan from the Wack Pack.
In the case with Lupe Jihadist, all I did was note that it seemed silly of him to complain about his album getting leaked when that was the best publicity he’d received up until that point. Next thing you know, he was on here calling me all sorts of dreaded n-words and threatening to jump off in my ass. No Luther Vandross.
Noticing a pattern?
Myth: Bol gets paid on a per-comment basis.
Truth: Bol receives his monthly shipment of peanuts and remaindered XXL Raps CDs (of which I’m sure there’s plenty) regardless of whether you d-bags run up the comments score with your bullshit.
I think my go-to guy Noz addressed this one before, but basically, XXL management doesn’t meddle with your blogging at all, except when you step over the line. (Then they get all Orwellian on you.) I’m sure management appreciates the time you all spend reading and commenting on this shit, but that’s definitely not why I write what I write.