I only have one thing to say.

 Who in the fuck had a Bedazzler backstage?

I could’ve sworn this was an awards show and not a sleepover for 12 year old girls.  The only people I can allow myself to give a pass to are Busta Rhymes and Spliff Star. They are always rocking The Big Bang cheetahlicious shirts during performances. But the rest of you hipster-meets-Myspace-quasi-gangstas have a lot of explaining to do.

Especially Curtis Jackson. I’m not the richest woman in the world but if there is one thing I can afford its Oil of Olay Quench. Moisturize your situation and please preserve your sexy next time.

One last thing. Nas, I realize you and Jay have kissed and made up but the whole double dating thing is well . . . corny. And it’s messed up Destiny couldn’t get any front row love. It’s bad enough you and Kelis brought her a pair of those two for five slippers they sell at Kai Wong’s Wig & Beauty Supply Emporium.