You’re Only As Funky As Your Last Cut

Brokeback-Mountain.jpg

Though I’m still of the opinion that what Jive Records can do with a razored dildo is not fit to speak in front of you children, I’m willing to go public with the fact that I genuinely enjoy “Sexyback.”(a)

Now, the kinds of guys who think their opinions matter simply because they can properly type them out on a keyboard(b) seem to be coming down on Timbaland, saying that the beat is recylcled like so much of SOHH’s news section, but I don’t get it. Granted, “Sexyback” is no “Brush Your Shoulders Off”(c) but it’s not that much more derivative than anything else he’s ever done. Mind you, I’d have to be drunker than usual to dance to something that close to Euro-Wave, but, Hell, what else is alcohol for(d)?

Even if Justin’s voice sounds like he’s going through puberty, his maneuverings are still more impressive than the vocal stylings of, say, Kelis or Cassie, who just can’t sing. At all.

Seriously. The only thing worse than Cassie, who can’t sing, performing live, is Cassie, who can’t sing, performing live and bringing out Yung Joc, who can’t rap.

Now, I’ve never strangled a dehydrated and wounded baby seagull to death under a hot sun, but I’m sure it would sound more melodic than that trick.

Speaking of mercy killings…

How anyone can look at the tracklisting to Idlewild and consider it an “Outkast” album is beyond me. Seriously, The Documentary was more of a 50 Cent album than Idlewild is an Outkast album. Still, the more I learn about this album soundtrack compilation, the more respect I have for these guys and the less I see they have for our intelligence.

Obviously, sometime around Aquemini, their second best album after Southernplayisticadillacmuzik(e), Dre hit Big Boi with the, “It’s not you, it’s me,”(f) and Big Boi countered with the whole “I can change. Just tell me what to do.”(g)

Through Stankonia(h), it was like Cedric and Marla Daniels keeping up appearances for the good of the whole, out of loyalty and obligation, out of love, pride and sensibility. Pun intended, they stayed together for the sake of you, the children. There’s a lot to be admired in that. But now, it’s just, well…

Dudes, it’s past the point of plausibility. No one’s saying that you hate each other or anything. But still. We think it’s time that you moved on. Or at least have Big Boi expand his reading material.

Seriously. A quarter of the album has been “leaked” onto les internetes and I don’t think anyone’s been impressed outside of the apologists and Stans who think that Speakerboxx/ The Love Below was like finding chocolate in their peanut butter, or something. Like, you know it’s a problem when Tom Breihan doesn’t like it. I mean, he even liked “Deja Vu,” which is pretty damned inexcusable.

P.S. — Nas & Kelis: Blindfold me. Then shoot me. She can’t sing. But I’m starting to think that doesn’t matter anymore.

—————————————

(a) And, because I’m actually a racist, you must know it hurts me to admit I like a song where a whyte man talks about shackles, whippings and slavery.

(b) Which, in all actuality, places them rungs above most of you children in intelligence.

(c) Or whatever you children can agree that his good songs are supposed to be.

(d) Think about it.

(e) I have half a mind to explain why I say such a thing. And if I choose to do so, it’ll probably be on the 27th, which will be the 10th anniversary of ATLiens, the third best Outkast album, and two days after the release of Idlewild (the movie), by which time I should have downloaded a bootleg.

(f) Which, unfortunately, never works, even when it’s the truth.

(g) Which they never stick to, anyway.

(h) Six years ago, mind you.

  • Mr.Me

    Kris Ex shut your mouth. Your anti-2pac you fuckin hater. I dont even know what this post is about. Hook me up wit some exclusive Doctor Advocate tracks. I know you got some. Yall review albums months before they come out. Hook me up nig.

  • http://www.myspace.com/kingpaul06 King Paul

    that Cassie performance was garbage…she could still get it anyday though!

  • the dough

    “Brush Your Shoulders Off”? The name of the track is “Dirt Off Your Shoulder”. You children need to get your song names straight. Get your shit together before you start ranting about how us fruitflies can’t put a sentence together.

  • http://xxl 2liveanddieinGA

    kris ex,nigga yous a hater

  • http://www.honorablemedia.com Honorable

    Sexyback is trash.

    JT’s new song – My Love with TI – is amazing.

    Cassie is trash. But damn..she is good looking.

    Outkast haters just wanna hate. Just to hate…

    Kelis new song isnt that bad. She could never really sing sing, but she was an artist.

  • Mikey Ess AKA SukedowN

    When I first heard the verses to SexyBack, I thought that is was either a decent new Cher Song, or some new age cover of one of her songs.

    To my astonishment, turns out to be the new Timbo/JT record, which truly is in the average-mediocre range.

    As for as those say that it is reycled: What radio records aren’t? Nothing new there.

  • Seend aka Da French Doctor

    Cassie is straight garbage, Christina Milan : garbage, Nicole of pussywhateva : garbage, Beyoncé can sing but lost her soul (and her booty)…But they looks good for White people : I’m not racist I’m just sayin’! No wonder Paris Hilton and Brooke Hogan can drop an R&B CD !

    In the r&b business is all about the look ! Can someone give me the name of a succesful r&b singer who is ugly ? pretty face and mixed complexion in r&b is like gun’s n crack tales in rap : u can’t be succesfull without it.

    Like Jigga (could) say : If skills sold, truth be told than Kelly Price had 7 millions album sold !

  • mod


    brokeback
    sexyback
    blatant references to outkast members being homo

    you’re straight as an arrow, ex

  • Dr. Colossus

    8th bitches!

  • http://rockthedub.blogspot.com khal

    i can’t believe you dig sexyback. can’t get into that track at all.

  • Dr. Colossus

    Timbaland is overrated, has anyone here ever heard a samplemix of his? He’s almost never writting anything in his life.

  • http://xxlmag.com exo

    ‘“Brush Your Shoulders Off”? The name of the track is “Dirt Off Your Shoulder”. You children need to get your song names straight. Get your shit together before you start ranting about how us fruitflies can’t put a sentence together.’

    Let that be a lesson to me.

  • rome

    Sexyback is the worst song i’ve ever heard in my life(actually it’s tied with chicken noodle soup). There’s nothing about that song that sounds apealing. I wouldn’t even expect teenage girls to listen to it. But i guess thats giving them too much credit.

  • Pingback: » Talkin’ Jive: kris ex gives his thoughts on “Sexyback” and the new OutKast album - XXL

  • http://hardlyart.blogspot.com Sean

    “Through Stankonia, it was like Cedric and Marla Daniels keeping up appearances for the good of the whole, out of loyalty and obligation, out of love, pride and sensibility.”

    So’s who’s Ced and who’s Marla? And who’s Rhonda? (http://imdb.com/gallery/hh/0522479/HH/0522479/604061_WIRE_004.jpg?path=gallery&path_key=0306414)
    Killer Mike?

  • Belize

    stupid ass…that hollywood divorce song is good enough to hold me till a real album

  • fuckthis bullshit

    stop acting all johnny drama on your posts

  • connie’s b

    and people bite, every time.

  • http://blank Mr. Me Too

    Sexyback sounds like some David Bowie shit without the swag.

  • LBDII

    Man Hollywood divorce is a hot song. So yea im gonna buy it.

  • http://xxlmag.com exo

    “And who’s Rhonda? ”

    Bubba Sparxxx.

  • http://www.allhiphop.com Rey

    SexyBack is awful.

    Long live Outkast, even if it’s just their impact and legacy.

  • http://UG-RS.com Tyler

    Dude, put on SexyBack and listen 2 it 4 an hour straight and after that if U still think it’s hot, then quickly find a 9mm & kill yourself cause U don’t deserve ‘dat job nor 2 be takin’ up space here on earth.

    It’s bad on some many levels it ain’t worth the time but 4 one for all U real music motherfuckers peep the song structure. “Go head be gone wit’ it” . . What tha’ Fuck? It’s got a 16 bar hook ‘dat happens 3 times within the song which is a big no no if U want a song 2 blow which I am sure they did want it 2 blow but that dumb fuck Tim after all this time as a producer still don’t know no better so don’t even come wit’ “he was tryin’ 2 be different” cause he just don’t know any better.

    I thought at least J Terrible would know cause he is a good song writer just not this time around & ‘dat BrokeBack shit had 2 be about SexyWack cause yea’ it’s a gay concept wit’ an even more gay, beat. I can’t 2 see what kind of wackness Tims tricks Jay Z into Rapper over top of. New York with have a hard time coming back Tim drops another Jay Z collbo’ terd. . .

    Peep the heat at: http://www.myspace.com/marcmaysrockandrollthug
    http://www.myspace.com/marcusorealiusmusic

  • tHe tRaNsIeNt

    fuck these washed up niggas anyway

    we all waitin’ on da killer mike mixtape and album

  • Screw Musik King

    Transient, fuck you you bitch. Outkast are legends, most people wouldn’t know who Killer Mike is with out Big Boi and Dre you bitch. Faggot.

  • Mikey Ess AKA SukedowN

    The Transient = Leading Hater of the Year Candidate 2006

  • King Of NY

    Seriously. The only thing worse than Cassie, who can’t sing, performing live, is Cassie, who can’t sing, performing live and bringing out Yung Joc, who can’t rap. LOL

  • Udontneedtoknowmydamn name

    LOL..Now…all of thses people that said Sexyback is wack..i wanna see you post a comment about a song you like..SINCE..you talk like you know what real talent and music is…Sexyback is tearing up the charts…when it coems on in clubs chicks go nuts,and im pretty sure thats the whole intent..so while your saying its wack..somewhere in the world JT and Tim are laughing all the way to the bank…You go out and make a classic song or something ‘hot(and not the shit your boys tell you is hot..half of you prolly think you are rappers..spitin that crack huh?..LOL.Wack Niggas..Put up or Shut the Fuck up!

  • H-man

    Brokeback mountain???? lolol
    Cassie iz hot…
    Outkast iz ahead of their tyme
    Kelis can sing
    Yung Joc can do hiz damn thang

  • http://UG-RS.com Tyler

    yo playboy ^^^^^^^^^ up top 4 the record, I live and roll around here on South Beach and I was in one of the hot spots on the beach not 3 weeks ago with mad stars up in the mix and what not up ‘dat night. . and boom! they put ‘dat record on U tryin’ 2 defend right. . . well I peep’d the crowd cause I wanted 2 see the reaction 2 see what the streets were feelin on “SexyWack” and boom! the DJ drop the record . . the crowd kinda stood around and just look’d at each other, . .the DJ let it roll 4 about 30 to 45 seconds with not one positive vibe coming back the Dj then took the joint off and didn’t play it again 4 the rest of the night so I don’t know what clubs or bars U are chillin’ in but this area has become one of the hottest “taste maker spots” on the planet, much like New York. The charts and MTV are controlled by the labels so don’t buy “believe the hype dude” . . But It’s all love. Peep the heat at: http://www.myspace.com/marcmaysrockandrollthug
    http://www.myspace.com/marcusorealiusmusic

  • http://UG-RS.com Tyler

    And fuck Justin Timberfake for ‘dat superbowl bullshit he pulled on Janet Jackson yo. She was singin his song his lyrics when ‘dat shit went down and when he backlash came he let a blackwomen take the fall 4 ‘dat shit so I do give a fuck what his songs sound like, he a straight bitch!

  • Katari

    I thought this was the soundtrack to the movie, so its not really a outkast album, and this whole post is invalid because of that fact

  • tHe tRaNsIeNt

    # Screw Musik King Says:
    August 11th, 2006 at 2:08 pm

    Transient, fuck you you bitch. Outkast are legends, most people wouldn’t know who Killer Mike is with out Big Boi and Dre you bitch. Faggot.

    ^^^ shut da fukk up n get wit da times faggit

    andre gayer den bol now and he ruinin’ outkast wit his homo musik hall singing wunnabe prince shit..big boi need 2 dump his wack ass like rey girl dump him n do mo purple ribbon shit

    killer mike new shit gunna be bangin’ as fuckk..outkast new shit gunna be gay as fuckk

  • http://xxlmag tiffany

    what i think about cassie she is not all that.She is very fake and she want to be like Aaliyah the singer,and trying to dance like ciara cassie is just ugly and can’t sing and got a body like a 11 year old

  • http://xxlmag tiffany

    cassie is the next ugly hoe thats out. She think she all that just because some body giving her some attention. SHE LOOKS LIKE A HALF MAN AND HALF LIL GIRL UGLY BITCH

  • http://xxlmag tiffany

    CASSIE IS A STUPID BITCH CAUSE I USE TO KNOWN HER AND SHE SLEPT WITH EVER BODY I KNOW. cassie is very fake she is ugly so she need to take that off her eye cause she dont look like Aaliyah.

  • http://xxlmag tiffany

    ever body want to call they self the queen of the south ok ever body cant be the queen of the south some people need to step they game up to be walking around saying queen of the south. Khia need to step her game up cause we still dont even know who she is all we know is her NECK MY BACK ok is there any thing else dam MY NECK MY BACK dam i got a neck and back