Trife Niggas, Who Produce And Sell The Same Beat Twice

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Okay children, you’re going to have to pardon my French this week, but there’s a lot of bullshit floating around this worldwide web thingamjig. Bullshit websites, corny-ass bloggers, fake “journalists,” creepy-crawly cowards who think they can hide behind the anonymity of an IP address—you know, the usual.

But still. They say a closed mouth don’t get fed. And I’m in the mood to eat faces. So faces will get eaten. (No something?)

Now, I’m under no illusion that my diatribes will make men out of you children or stop the poseurs from being poseurs. I’m just figuring to get this shit off my chest before I do something that has me eating dry cheese and white bread sandwiches until I get a chance to speak to Your Honor. And I hate white bread. Seriously. That shit’s not fit for human consumption.

But, before we get into all that, I must continue with my (self-)righteous boycott of Jive Records and the Apartheid regime they rode in on.

Yeah. Fuck Jive Records. Standard.

Now, because most of you children think you know everything but really know nothing, I’ll have to explain some realities of the big bad music industry to you. Being fair and balanced, a la FOX News, Jive’s position is that the “Mr. Me Too” single is not taking off in the way they feel it needs to in order to release an album that will sell amongst people that don’t spend most of their waking time commenting on websites. My position is that record companies make people like shit they don’t like as a practice, word to Yung Joc. And if Mike Shinoda’s non-rapping ass can be force-fed to the Spring Break-loving masses, so can the Clipse. At any rate, the space monkeys at Jive have decided to either: 1) wait for Zeus to descend from Olympus and pull the single up the charts; or 2) drop the album with the all-important second single.

Funny thing about that second single.

I’m not one to tell tales out of school and the cease and desist requests are flying about at a furious pace, so I’ll just say you have to ask [CEASE & DESIST] what’s going on. Or [CEASE & DESIST]. Or maybe [CEASE & DESIST]. But not [CEASE & DESIST]. He just did the hook.

Some would say (and have said) that someone with the initials [CEASE & DESIST] (who is not down with the LOX) is fucking over his lifelong homies. Some would suggest (and have suggested) that the time for talk is over and someone needs to be dangled from a balcony. I, for one, think that violence solves nothing and only gains you lodging in a room with criminals eating nutrient-deficient sandwiches that come in cheap plastic wrap.

Anyhoo, as you can see from the above list, boycotting Jive is going to be easier than we thought. I mean, seriously, if, after hearing those three “singles,” you’re still excited about that new OutKast record, you’re beyond anywhere that my words can reach. And, of those of you remaining, the majority obviously doesn’t know how to read. Obviously.

Shit. This may be hard after all.

Let me make it simple. It’s common knowledge that every record that comes out in the stores comes out on les internetes a good week prior to its official release date. Rumor has it that some people even download this stuff without paying for it. Well, I’ll be investigating this phenomenon and posting my findings right here on these pages.

Oh, look: You can download the new Justin Timberlake record here and here.

Fuck Jive.

P.S.— Feel free to send in your UserCash links. If that Clipse record’s not out by Halloween, I’ll be investigating Jive’s back catalog as well and somebody should get paid off all this.

TMW: Clyde Smith, who’s rumored to be a woman, needs to sit down and shut the fuck up.

  • rives305

    1st and fuck jive

  • http://www.defjam.com Rey

    Fuck Jive, dammit.

    Fuck Justin Timberlake.

    Fuck 50 too…just cuz.

  • LOL

    fuck justin timberlake

  • TORRY

    when was that clipse song recorded? they sound mad young like they were going through puberty. i’m glad jada got that beat. he did it better justice

  • Meka Soul

    hear me out! jive sucks balls.

  • http://www.myspace.com/cleanzilla Zilla

    God bless the Clipse for the “We Got it 4 Cheap” series. They need to get out of the major label game and go independent. No major will be satisified with them. It ain’t 2002 anymore, when everything the Neptunes crapped out of their ass was the industry’s top priority.
    The Clipse aren’t southern enough or young enough or R&B enough for Jive to give a good push to their album.
    To Jive records, remember “Hell Hath No Fury!”

  • gees dat dude

    fuck jive and they bullshit antics. its like if niggas aint got a fad or gimmick they not going to get no push. i mean fuck last year we got like 40 niggas from houston to drop albums, the year befor that we got all the g-unit shit. i mean damn maybe if the clipse did a snap song then jive would release they shit.

  • BlackBoy

    As one of the few people who will openly admit (after months of struggle and some soul-searching) to buying and liking “Justified”, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT HORSE-SHIT.

    That sounded like Timbaland on some shit that Nelly Furtado ain’t wanna do, and it makes me feel all that much better about still liking “Justified”.

    Don’t you see?! It means I liked everything about that album EXCEPT that it was Justin Timberlake!!! I reall AM going to be alright.

    [disclaimer: NO HOMO on all the above and for all the others above me that said "fuck Justin". I knew what you meant, but just in case...]

  • BlackBoy

    I would LOVE to know all those names that got crossed out though…

  • Danja29

    Sad fukkin’ day when people like D4L and Yung Joc have no problem whatsoever droppin an album, meanwhile Clipse stays tied up in Jive’s red-tape sits on the shelf. It’d be one thing if they’d flopped on their last album or had a bad track record, but neither applies to them- so what’s the hold-up?

    Crackers definitely ain’t playin’ fair.

  • Omar

    Idlewild is going to be the shit!!!! I don’t know what 3 singles you were listening to but The Mighty O, Morris Brown and Idlewild Blues were dope. Why don’t you just go ahead and jump off the ledge and say that Clipse is better than Outkast and we’ll know what your opinion is worth.

  • http://www.myspace.com/Mr_FiTTeDz Edgar Allan Poor

    OMG OMG…Muthafuck a Jive

  • http://rockthedub.blogspot.com khal

    >Sad fukkin’ day when people like D4L and Yung Joc have no problem whatsoever droppin an album, meanwhile Clipse stays tied up in Jive’s red-tape sits on the shelf.

  • http://governmentnames.blogspot.com/ Al

    “Knock Yourself Out” came out FIVE YEARS AGO. If the only potential single the Clipse have lined up is over that beat, isn’t that their fault?

  • http://conniesbitch.org connie’s bitch

    i love it when you ride like this.

  • Global Macro

    what would bumpy knuckles do

  • raul

    the reason why the won’t come out because they have no appeal they are one dimension rappers all the they can rap about is coke name one verse where they didn’t.the neptunes carry them even kris couldn’t tell the malice from pusha t on the tracks. and I’m not hating i acually liked the last album i just telling the truth

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  • Mozeek

    Fuck Jive. I’ve hated them ever since the the late 90′s when they decided they weren’t going to be a hip-hop label anymore.

    Has anyone seen the backstreet boys recently?
    Me, neither.