The two worst songs ever

Don’t look now, but P. Diddy, or whatever he’s calling himself these days, has somehow managed to get two songs into the top five (yep, the top five) of Billboard’s Hot 100. Yung Joc’s “It’s Going Down” dropped one spot from #4 to #5, while Cassie’s “Me & U” jumped two places to take the #4 spot. Who the fuck are these people, and does this mean Bad Boy is back?

Probably due to the law of averages, if not payola, P. Diddy’s Bad Boy label has had the occasional success since the Notorious B.I.G. was “assasinated” in 1997, and P. Diddy subsequently hopped the first flight out of LA, before the body could even turn cold.

Shyne had a spark before he thought it was a good idea to shoot up the club. Biggie Smalls’ corpse was drug out on two separate occasions and still managed to sell a million copies or so. There was the Bad Boys II soundtrack, even if it primarily consisted of Nelly songs. But mostly, the post-Biggie years at Bad Boy could be characterized as one failed attempt after another to create another Biggie-like success.

As I recall, there was a period earlier in this decade, after Shyne had been locked up, G. Dep had failed miserably, and while Black Rob was probably hopped up on PCP and breaking into someone’s car, when P. Diddy had attempted to sign a buncha pop singers to Bad Boy. There was the group of five pretty ugly white chicks (which would seem less than likely), Dream, and a white rapper, and who knows what else. Still, dead in the middle of the halcyon era of TRL pop singers, Diddy couldn’t do his numbers.

It was widely reported (on my own site), that P. Diddy’s signing a $30 million dollar label deal with Atlantic Records was essentially him selling what was left of Biggie’s corpse; hence, one of his first releases under the new deal being the Biggie Duets album; and hence, Biggie’s mother going on the radio with the Lox trying to pretend as if Diddy gave her a piece of Biggie’s publishing, but not having any actual paper work to back up this claim.

[As revealed in the Chronicles of Junior Mafia DVD, Biggie sold his publishing to Diddy in 1996 for a ridonkulously low (even at the time) $200,000.]

For a while there, it looked like this might be about the best Diddy would be able to do, but now he’s running the Billboard Hot 100 as if he was the Beatles, er, 50 Cent. What gives? As it turns out, both of these artists are signed to vanity subsidiaries of Bad Boy, with Yung Joc and Cassie being signed to some shit called Block and NextSelection, respectively. Despite the fact that P. Diddy’s name is prominently featured in both artists’ videos, who knows what his level of involvement was.

Cassie’s success is being put forth as some incredible coup of Internets marking, primarily, as far as I can tell, because she has a blog, but obviously that’s all a buncha bullshit. Having seen the video earlier today, I think it’s obvious why her single is taking off: That bitch is smokin! I don’t normally dig on broads of indeterminate ethnic origin, but to paraphrase the late Senator Strom Thurmond, my penis knows no color, and it is the bane of my existence.

As far as Yung Joc’s success, I think it’s been proven time and time again that people from the South will buy anything (UGK solo albums notwithstanding), so long as it’s from the South. This would only be yet another example of that phenomenon.

***

Speaking of which, I had been waiting for a while now for the Marshall Tucker Band to get a profile on MySpace. Finally, it’s here. “Heard It in a Love Song” = arguably the South’s finest moment. What you know about that!

  • http://www.allhiphop.com Rey

    *ahem*

    Mr. Crawford, Until 50 duets with Justin Timberlake, the two worst songs ever are “My Humps” by the Black Eyed Peas, and “Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani.

    (Foist!)

    • http://xxlmag.com The Hip Hop Joker

      did you have ANY clue when u WROTE THIS THAT IT WUD END UP HAPPENING! Fifth has done a duet with JT – as is WELL known now – the Ayo Tech LOL. Prophetic all my brother

  • http://www.allhiphop.com Rey

    Also, the Bad Boys II soundtrack was actually pretty good, and Nelly was only on 1 song.

    Also again, “We Invented the Remix” went platinum as well.

    …I’m just nitpicking, but I love Puffy, and always will. (Nullus-but I know I’m gonna get shit for saying that anyway..whatever)

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    Since you went there,

    “Hollaback Girl” > “My Humps” > “It’s Going Down” > “Me & U”

  • http://www.allhiphop.com Rey

    …now you’re just being silly.

    Hollaback Girl & My Humps are harbingers of Armageddon (not that asshole who tried to “ether” me, rather the end of days), while It’s Going Down & Me and U are just bad songs.

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    As far as bad songs, I’d say Hollaback Girl and My Humps are at least better crafted than It’s Going Down and Me & U.

    You can at least see a certain level of though that was put into them.

  • bhillboy

    Bol- you a fool wit it. i didn’t know who young joc was back in january but i was at the ritz- t.i. weed handler shootout club- and “goin down” came on and i saw these two girls dancin with each other and they were GOIN’ i started lookin’ around and the club was perkin’ like a mufucka. it’s a hit when the song comes on nobody knows who it is and everybody get’s crankin’.

  • http://www.allhiphop.com Rey

    Arrrggghhh… I’ll concede the point, Mr. Crawford.

    …I think I’m gonna be ill…

  • http://myspace.com/djjaycee jaycee

    the 2 worst songs ever are Laffy Taffy and NY’s answer to snap music “Chicken Noodle Soup”

    i couldn’t believe my ears when i heard that shit today…

  • http://www.allhiphop.com Rey

    WTF?? There’s really a song called chicken noodle soup?

    Oh God…

  • B.

    …they figured we did not have enough with “Laffy Taffy”. There is something very ironic about this garbage coming from NYC. Especially, right in the middle of the “Bring NY Back” campaign.

  • nonofya

    I don’t mean no harm but you a cornball

  • tHe tRaNsIeNt

    u a faggit ass nigga bol

    boyz ‘n’ da hood album on bad boy south wuz da shit

  • Gerald

    >Mr. Crawford, Until 50 duets with Justin Timberlake,

    Remember this?
    http://artists.letssingit.com/50-cent-cry-me-a-river-g-unit-remix-c6jhgpq

  • Morgan Cole

    Marshall Tucker Band > Bad Boy Records’ current roster

  • http://www.myspace.com/therapistmusic Therapist

    actually, read the lyrics to Me and You..

    i’ve heard its some subliminal shit thats really about giving head… if this is true, (see the pre-brain scene in the link below), she’s up for a grammy in my book…

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=Jt2RQXm1n7o towards the end

  • http://www.allhiphop.com Rey

    Gerald–

    I thought that was just a beat jacking thing (nullus)…

    I hate JT, but the beat for Cry me a River was hot.. Timbo re-used the drums for a Bubba Sparxxx song off Deliverance called “Nowhere”–that’s a kick ass song if you’re into Bubba K. (nullus again)

  • Belize

    Bol still sucks….GIVE ME MORE FRESH!!!!

  • Belize

    YALL SHOULD READ TARA’S BLOG..SHE GOT A GOOD ONE ON THERE…betta than this crap…

  • Mrs Damian Marley

    there are too many bad songs out now to just pick two. I am from the south and I would vote for anything from d4l, dfb, ying yang twins, paul wall, chamillionare, or mike jones to be the worst of all times

  • WOW…

    “I would vote for anything from d4l, dfb, ying yang twins, paul wall, chamillionare, or mike jones to be the worst of all times”

    ^You’re high. Ridin dirty is a work of musical genius. And Paul Wall album wasn’t bad at all really.

    “i’ve heard its some subliminal shit thats really about giving head… if this is true, (see the pre-brain scene in the link below), she’s up for a grammy in my book…”

    ^Yo…just read the lyrics myself! This kid is onto something (nullus). Me & U might be in for a SERIOUS upgrade in my book… Shit…in every man’s book for that matter…

  • Ogeezy

    BOL HATES BLACK PEOPLE.

  • Meka Soul

    cassie & yung joc are nothing more thandoppelgangers of already existing artists, cassie [who needs a steak sammich before i'd engage in "16 gets you 25"-type carnal actions] obviously being the love child of brooke valentine and lou bega, whereas yung joc was given the bow wow-esque biting powers of t.i. [but he had to close his eyes and suck it out of a homeless man's hose first].

  • Mrs Damian Marley

    What is genius about riding dirty, with that boring lazy flow? It was good to hear Krazy Bone again but the rest of the song is boring

  • Meka Soul

    however, if cassie’s song is about gettin’ some head, well then she’s definitely onto something.

  • Mikey Ess AKA SukedowN

    “…my penis knows no color, and it is the bane of my existence.”

    That has GOT to be the quote of the millenium.

  • Paul

    I’d read Tara’s blog if you know what I mean.

  • gees dat dude

    fuck that worst songs ever gotta be that pharrell and kanye shit “number 1″ and LL’s “control myself” them shits is far worse than young joc’s shit, and that chicks song is a chick song you aint really supposed to like that shit any way.

  • Affili

    Belize fondles himself

  • Rome

    “WTF?? There’s really a song called chicken noodle soup”

    yep, and It’s just as bad as the name suggests. It makes “laffy taffy” look like a lyrical master peice.

  • john cochran

    He cant come back with that shit cause she cant sing and that nigga cant rap to save his life.

  • CobraCommander

    Ridin’ Dirty is a work of musical genius? Man, the future of this nation looks bleak. The bar has been set to a new low.

  • nocal

    HA! You like David Cross

    “I’ll fuck the help, I just won’t pay them a decent wage.”

  • Provokate

    Me+U is the shit…..nuff said.
    Best r+b/pop joint in a minute

  • Omar

    Bol, you’re fuckin’ right………………… for once!

  • Meka Soul

    cassie & yung joc are nothing more thandoppelgangers of already existing artists, cassie [who needs a steak sammich before i’d engage in “16 gets you 25″-type carnal actions] obviously being the love child of brooke valentine and lou bega, whereas yung joc was given the bow wow-esque biting powers of t.i. [but he had to close his eyes and suck it out of a homeless man’s hose first].

    however, if cassie’s song is about gettin’ some head, well then she’s definitely onto something.

  • JML5150

    Yung Joc is another example of the dumbing down of hip hop with simple lyrics and a slow(in speed)/Slow (short bus) delivery. I went to a Ludacris concert and during the DJ’s warm up he played that horse shit. Ho’s lost there mind, dudes were doing that motorcycle crap and dipping and leaning like so little tricks. I was disgusted. And no I’m not hating on the South like alot of you short sighted “can’t think beyond my region” fuckers will say, I like T.I, Banner, Wanye, but if you suck, you suck, North, South, East, and West. That R&B joint semi grew on me, but that Ho can’t sing you can hear in her vocals. It’s a shame how semi sub par production and alot of payola will make you a star, Take Dat, Take Dat!

  • http://www.myspace.com/therapistmusic Therapist

    >>And no I’m not hating on the South, I like T.I, Banner, Wanye, but if you suck, you suck, North, South, East, and West.

    doesn’t this remind you of… “what?? i’m not racist! Like 3 of my friends are black!”

  • 5 STAR X-E-Q-SHUN

    Even tho Cassie iz hot, her fukin song iz B-yond weak.
    Yung Joc iz capitalizing on a weak, watered downed, everything -sounds-the-same hip hop market.
    BTW, what is it w/ Puff,P.Diddy, or whatever his name iz, 2 signning theez weak ass musicianz? None of his recent artists have done particularly well on the chartz.
    Bol, U may B rite on this 1, but U still suck!!!

  • realrecognizereal

    to rey:

    50 did collab with justin timberlake for a remix of some fuckin song, i cant remember what it was called. sad.

  • http://www.hiphop-blogs.com dj mirateck

    that shit about the cassie internet marketing is true to an extent. i heard that single almost a year an a half ago floating on peoples’ myspace pages.

  • UnFaded Disciple

    ahhaha Have yall seen that one unrelease video with Cassie? She actually sings about giving dudes head…

  • Gutta

    once again props to diddy…im sure he like everyone else in this blog knows that cassie and jung joc are talentless artists capitolizing on cathy beats but you have to commend mr combs for hearing these songs and basically signing the artists because of the song,not the artist, then once the album flobs its just a tax write-off for him. no artist besides ppl that are desperate to get on will sign to him,for obvious reasons,so he has to make due some kinda way. but these are the two worst songs out until them chicks from making the band come out with a song.

  • pop a poppa

    young joc at #4… WORD TO PAYOLA!!! lol diddy fucked up on g. dep… the deputy is hot shit

  • Gutta

    catchy*

  • Gutta

    flops*

  • AV

    Fuc this dude for sayin people in the south will buy anything from the south. It’s kinda tru tho

  • Belize

    Yah i fondle myself while affli girl liks my balls..haaaaaaaaa

  • Damon

    i support down south music because its tight. And for that bitch ass nigga that said we buy anything fuck you. I’m from louisiana and ya’ll can’t fuck with the south ya dig!!!

  • TrueLife

    Keep your opinions to yourself Mr.Crawford. Because your verbage is straight garbage.

  • http://crunktastical.blogspot.com Fresh

    “Having seen the video earlier today, I think it’s obvious why her single is taking off: That bitch is smokin! I don’t normally dig on broads of indeterminate ethnic origin, but to paraphrase the late Senator Strom Thurmond, my penis knows no color, and it is the bane of my existence.”

    Ha ha!

  • gluvnast

    i love it when backpack geeks bitch about other people’s success….

    deal with it, it’s pop music

  • armaggedion

    hey rey, fyi armaggedion is a play on words since my name is dion, im pretty sure everyone knows what armageddon is. And you act like your the first one to say that 50 aint lyrical like its a big shocker,everyone knows that his strong points are hooks, charisma , melodies, fake beefs, and good business moves. He makes hot records, period. I like lyrical shit but tupac wasnt lyrical and look at how people worship him. Oh, and you ethered yourself, stupid.

  • Walt

    Who is this nigga???
    And The south is runnin shit… Sorry for Cussin!

  • http://www.allhiphop.com Rey

    Dion– In lieu of presenting counter-arguments to your little note to me, I’ve decided to correct a glaring spelling/grammar mistake:

    “Your” is possessive. “Your hat” or “Your Maycbach.” What you meant to say is “You’re”.. That apostrophe makes it a contraction of the words “you” and “are”.

    There ya go, Fella!

    =)

  • Sucker Free

    saw the Cassie broad on TV the other day saying the song was about “whatever you want it to be”

    well no wonder she played coy!

    Bol wake up son…this broad’s body looks prepubescent. if you think she is smokin, you might be a pedophile.

    nevermind. where are my sardines when i need them?

  • tha young nigga

    To keep it real puffy fell off after lets get it.He saw that millions of poeple did not buy it.So he had to do the weak down south shit and follow trend because he is not realy a producer.Only dr.dre and Jermaine Dupree are the real ones with talent for that era.Plus puffy got cuaght up being a hollywood nigga,throwing all them white party’s and shit.They was not fucking with you in 91.Nigga you weak stop following and help bring new york back.

  • Dipset

    chicken noodle soup and laffy taffy are the worst songs ever!!!… me and you is actually a good song and its goin down doesnt have lyrics but its a club banger so who cares… wat was the last club banger you heard that had lyrics???

  • DCMadeMan

    At the end of the day, Puff is still a millionaire and a smart business man. And as far as that chicken noodle soup shit go, that shit is WORST than Laffy Taffy. New York aint good for shit but mixtapes now.Real talk!

  • Quita P

    DCMADEMAN THAT’s real motherfucking talk.They saying laffy taffy is a terrible song i done heard shit that make laffy taffy like a Biggie or Pac.If the song was that damn bad why the fuck they still talkin bout it.Plus when niggas outside of Ga heard it it was going on 2 yrs old .and really that song was the strip club

  • nonofya

    what the fuck is chicken noodle soup

  • TizzEl-HajjMalikEl-Nasty

    >>this broad’s body looks prepubescent. if you think she is smokin, you might be a pedophile.

    thank God.

    i’ve got more titty than this bitch. i’d rather give out pearl necklaces than white-coated throats.

  • Rudy

    I’ve been feeling G-Dep since his debut. I thought he was a great MC with a distinct voice. The song “Everyday” was an incredible joint. But Diddy just let him sit on the shelf. I would take Dep over Joc or Cassie anyday. Tsk…Tsk.. Puff Diddy.

  • Real Nigga

    Chicken Noodle Poop iz way WAY worser than LAFFY TAFFY

  • DOPEMAN

    DIDDY IS A SELLOUT…..AND A PUSSY……….SHYNE SHOULD BEAT HIS ASS WHEN HE COME OUT…

  • chocolate-ma

    my goodness are you serious??? p-diddy is trash!!!! he aint had a hit of his own in years!!!!! and i guess there be another season of making the band!!! cause all his groups drop!!! cassie was lucky that she young and good!!! yung joc was lucky his first song was catchy!!!!

    http://www.myspace.com/chocolate_doll

  • be-eazy

    only got one thing to say…
    you can say one thing about or to a specific indivdual from the south, but don’t put the whole-south in ya mouth along side such hate words… You can’t say the south will buy anything… that’s a noon-fact generalization basically… Give credit when its due and if you dun’t like a particular someone from tha south then let it be known but don’t say f*%k tha south as a whole… We runnin this game right now… the west had it tha east had it now tha south got it… and we been havin it for a f^&kin minute too… WHAT YOU KNOW BOUT THAT?