Midwestern touch

My Canadian jump-off Tara Henley announced today that she’s moving from wherever she used to live to Toronto to be that much closer to yours truly. If that’s not true love, then I’m not sure what is. As such, I figured the least I could do is offer my response to the ten questions she posted today.

1. Some bullshit about MySpace.

I don’t know about the rest of you ‘bags, but I refuse to believe the hype wrt MySpace until I actually score as a result. I could give a fuck if it’s the most popular website or that “Papoose” has written a song about it. It seems like the only dudes scoring on MySpace are child molestors, and that’s just wrong.

That said, I’d certainly be willing to be “swayed” on this issue, if any decent-looking young women are reading this and want to become my “friend.”

2. Is anyone else hyped that Mysonne is out of prison?

No. I could give a rat’s ass that Mysonne is out of prison.

3. Will the Oprah Hates Hip-Hop controversy ever die?

Not if I have any say so. I like how the hip-hop feminist crowd is attempting to twist this into some statement about misogyny in hip-hop. Meanwhile, Oprah is giving interviews talking about how she works out to “In da Club.” Women, man, I tell you.

4. How many more random Saigon features will have to pop up before we get an album?

I don’t know, but his handlers (Sickamore, are you reading this?) would be well-served to work on making him look less like the kind of guy that fucks other guys in prison. There’s a series of photos on Saigon’s MySpace profile where he’s sporting the D’Angelo “Untitled” look that should be removed forthwith. Also, there’s something creepy about the woman with the huge boobs from his top 8.

5. Can someone let The Game know that “I look kinda cute” isn’t the best comeback to the flick of him in a thong on 50’s new mixtape? And is anyone surprised that Game plays the sucker role on Change of Heart?

Honestly, I think 50 Cent might be gayer for putting that shit on his mixtape. A job where you get paid to give women the “whirly bird” > being a crack dealer that got high on his own shit (it’s true).

6. Is hip-hop’s audience 80% white?

Only real hip-hop. Go to any hip-hop show by an artist that’s worth a shit and I bet you there won’t be more than five black people. Meanwhile, I bet the audience at a Yung Joc show is almost all black, with maybe one or two random-ass Asian kids, and it’s not like they count anyway.

7. When are Stans going to learn that the men’s room is not the place to go looking for autographs?

Are we really supposed to believe that sex offender-looking cracka-ass cracka really followed Eminem into the john trying to get an autograph? My theory: they went in there to fuck, and something went horribly wrong. If you notice, the case has already been settled out of court. Hmm…

8. Doesn’t it seem like rapping is just a pit stop now on the way to entrepreneur or Hollywood actor or record label CEO?

You don’t say.

9. Is Tru-Life ever going to get in the ring with Jim “Dirt Angel” Jones?

If he does, my money’s on the Dirt Angel. That Tru-Life kinda looks like a fruit. I’d be more afraid of his boatload of Puerto Rican cousins pointing guns at me than anything else. Jim Jones, meanwhile, looks like a classic drug addict, and those fuckers have been known to fight dirty.

10. Does anyone actually believe that Baby and Lil Wayne are lovers?

You know, the thought had never occurred to me (because I’m not gay like that), but now that you mention it, I don’t see why not. Anytime a parent turns a child over to an older male mentor, there’s almost always some sort of sex involved. Word to Aaliyah’s parents. No wonder Lil’ Wayne is still on Cash Money. Him and Baby are tight like that.

  • http://rockthedub.blogspot.com khal

    “a parent turns a child over to an older male mentor, there’s almost always some sort of sex involved.”

    good point, dog.

  • http://www.trendsettazinc.com DJ Main Event

    foul on all counts hahahaha. whats creepy about that chick on saigon’s page?

  • P-Matik

    LOL

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    >foul on all counts hahahaha. whats creepy about that chick on saigon’s page?

    For one, the photographs all have a weird tint to them, as if they’ve been processed in some way.

    And I think the size of her boobs might have been enhancecd via photoshop.

  • P-Matik

    Who cares about Mysonne. He was wack before he went in anyway. The only one who cares is Jae Millz.

  • pop a poppa

    come on bol when we gonna see yo ass on dateline with the little kiddies?
    damn saigon lookin’ like melle mel and shit in that pic
    wtf… so game was actually a real scripper?
    i thought that wuz sum doctored shit
    asian kids don’t count????
    shit bol thats all they do is count!!!
    haha sorry thatz wrong

  • http://www.xxlmag.com/?cat=29 noz

    i equally disturbed by the comments on that girls myspace: “damn gurl, u shoud go shoppin in my pants.” that’s an actual quote.

    this must be the seedy underbelly of myspace that dateline warned me about.

  • Lee

    Bol your fool for doing this piece your an idiot.

  • yaboy

    dont test me.

  • yaboy

    oh yea. i think youve taken quite a liking to this henley female.

  • Sarutama

    >And I think the size of her boobs might have been enhancecd via photoshop.

    I don’t know about that. If she really doesn have russain in her as her myspace name implies, those broads have been known to have some serious milks sacks. At least all the ones in my 110% Naturals videos do.

    And am I the only one that thinks she looks like the chick from the “Similac Child” video?

  • http://www.myspace.com Rey

    you a faggot ass nigga bol. Sorry, I don’t feel that way, I just wanted to piss off The Transient. Moving On, I tend to agree with you on all counts. How about a steel cage match where The Game and Tru Life take on Jim Jones & Curtis Jackson? Shit’s all WWE anyway. Um, No homo on this whole comment.

  • http://www.honorablemedia.com Honorable

    nothing is scary about the woman with the big boobs. the boobs (and her face) look lovely.

  • I Fux

    “a parent turns a child over to an older male mentor, there’s almost always some sort of sex involved.”

    that shit is so on point i.e. cub scout leaders, priests, big brother programs, ice cream men and you get the drift

  • nonofya

    some more gay shit from byron. Here nigga have a tall glass of shut the fuck up

  • nonofya

    do your own damn blog fuck boy

  • Mikey Ess AKA SukedowN

    ^ Looks like someone has a secret crush!!!

  • http://www.myspace.com/specialopsbez B-EZ

    ^Byron drops like two blogs a day, hes entitled to half ass it once in a while.

  • nonofya

    Am I talking to you or am i talking to him don’t man up for someone

  • Darryl Williams

    I think every single genre of Hip-Hop is dominated by a white fan base. Especially Southern shit (Has anyone ever went on Xbox Live to find a moronic wigger singing “Ridin’ Dirty”?

    If we’re talking about concerts, I think it’s all a matter of the location of it. If you go to a Mos Def show in New York, your gonna see alot of black people. If you go to one in Salt Lake City, Utah, your gonna see alot of white people.
    Same thing goes for artists like Yung Joc, except since he’s mainstream, he has considerably more fans, mostly white, and 1 or 2 million black.

    But either way your gonna have more white fans then black.

  • Meka Soul

    >There’s a series of photos on Saigon’s MySpace profile where he’s sporting the D’Angelo “Untitled” look that should be removed forthwith…>

    that picture gave me the heebie jeebies, with sai-giddy reaching out to me on some homoerotic maxwell/eric benet shit.

    >Also, there’s something creepy about the woman with the huge boobs from his top 8….>

    if you look at her “view my pics” section, you’ll notice she has a picture w/her friend shopping at marshall’s. if that’s not video chick[enhead] material, i don’t know what is.

  • Meka Soul

    >I’d be more afraid of his boatload of Puerto Rican cousins pointing guns at me than anything else…>

    is there anything more frightening than a shitload of gun-toting latinos?

    *EDIT*

    a shitload of gun-toting latinos fresh off cheap tacos and corona beer [also known as the breakfast of champions].

  • HUH?
  • JES SAIN

    I WAS THINKIN’ THE EXACT SAMETHING (NO LIL WAYNE)

    HEY THAT WORKS BOTH WAYS(NO LIL WAYNE)DAMN

  • http://thewaltreport.blogspot.com Big Walt

    Yo Bol, step your NY mixtape rapper game up.

    Tru Life is Dominican.

  • fresh

    “A job where you get paid to give women the “whirly bird” > being a crack dealer that got high on his own shit (it’s true).”

    Last I heard, Yukmouth was claiming that The Game was a stripper at a male club.

  • Lefty 2Gunz

    Now that’s how you respond to 10 questions. Good look Bol.
    Sh!t was hillarious!

    One

  • UnFaded Disciple

    LMFAO

  • http://UG-RS.com Tyler

    Bol, thanks for hookin’ the niggas in the streets up wit’ some laughs dawg which I agree on most of your points. . Word, but yo man a few of U cats went a little deep on ‘dat one comment of yours “Anytime a parent turns a child over to an older male mentor, there’s almost always some sort of sex involved” . . . the way y’all niggas answered ‘dat shit, 4 sho’ make it sound like y’all are victims or something dawgs. And I mean, if y’all was getting punk out and passed around like ‘dat as a child, if ‘dats the case then all I can do is pray 4 ya’. Ha’ Ha’. . but if U peep the heat at: http://www.myspace.com/marcmaysrockandrollthug
    http://www.myspace.com/marcusorealiusmusic

    U will be alright.

  • http://www.djjazz1.com Jazz One

    “You know how I know you are gay? You call another man Daddy.”

  • http://Grindville.com T-Dubb

    It’ll take a nigga from the Middle to realize all that shit.

  • 5 STAR X-E-Q-SHUN

    Bol, get a freakkin life & post a betta blog. This 1 reeks nothinness.

  • Samhain Misfit

    Whats a whirly bird?

  • http://www.buildthedream.org DGthegreat

    Leave Aaliyah out of this Bol!

  • st.louis mike

    FUCKING HALARIOUS!!!! ALL OF EM!

  • http://rakimfan.blogspot.com rakimfan

    Mysonne looks like Chi Ali’s evil twin. When this cat got locked up a lot of his throw away joints ended up on the Violator compilation. I thought it was Chris Lighty’s way of holding him down. Surprised he aint signed to Violator still. Virtually no buzz for the excon from Rap’s Capitol City. Unprcedented for a hiphop parolee.

  • tHe tRaNsIeNt

    u a faggit ass nigga, bol

    i’d pay sum greast mexicans wit aids 2 rape u but u would prolly like it

  • the un-etherer

    more pearls of wisdom from the great dr. nullus….

  • http://www.allhiphop.com Rey
  • http://rockyourworld.com freddiejackson

    tara is so corny. i think she should work for vibe. that said, i would still hit, if permitted. i love you tara.

  • http://www.myspace.com/kracktheking KR

    can’t hate, this shit was funny…

  • ill will STL REP. 314

    Dat shit was funney as hell dirty im still buging up!!

  • Ogeezy

    Shit was funny but I’m convinced now that this cat is gay.

  • BlackBoy

    …you talking crazy ’bout that chick with the boobs. She nice as hell…she kinda looks the perfect blend of Taral Hicks (Belly) and Meagan Goode.

    Do a Google Image search and see what I’m talkin bout…

  • Anti Bol

    Hey. For you to get somethin poppin on myspace, your pics have to actually look like something. Nigga you look corny as hell. We can ready your whole high school social life career by that look on your face at the top of the blog. Change that picture nigga!

  • ureurure

    Ethered.

  • Narcolepsy

    “6. Is hip-hop’s audience 80% white?
    Only real hip-hop. Go to any hip-hop show by an artist that’s worth a shit and I bet you there won’t be more than five black people.”

    Haha. My school let Jurassic 5 play for free outdoors, and I swear that’s an accurate statement about the racial makeup of the crowd. Reminds of that Murs song where he sings about all the white boys in his audience.