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Okay children, as you celebrate the birth of the pre-eminent nation on the face of whyte God's blue and green Earth this weekend, please keep in mind all the red people who were systematically eradicated and the millions of black people brought over here in chains in order to provide you with a lifestyle that allows you to choose between 48 varieties of chemical-bathed colored sugar water while agruing that Lupe Fiasco is actually and truly here to save us all from the horrors that 50 Cent has unleashed upon the world, okay?

P.S.-- Don't lose any fingers!