The Dirty Midwest

Warning for Today’s Youth: This post contains links to videos with strong (filthy, really) sexual content. It’s a known fact that people who are exposed to a lot of sex at an early age are more likely to become homosexual…

Um, nullus.

Say what you will about St. Louis, but we did bring you the infamous “Tip Drill” video. Not that this is saying a whole lot, but discounting blogs, it’s arguably this area’s finest contribution to hip-hop.

It’d be that much cooler if it had more nudity, but I’d say the “Tip Drill” video is arguably the best uncut video of all time. The uncut version of 50 Cent’s video for “Disco Inferno” has better looking asses, but the “Tip Drill” video is more ignorant, which is key.

Peep:

It’s been a minute since the only time I watched BET Uncut, but I would assume that those two are the best “uncut” videos of all time. As I recall, there was a Ludacris video where you could see bush, but that was more gross than anything else.

A cursory YouTube search for the string “bet uncut” didn’t turn up much other than this video of Chamillionaire getting a lap dance at some strip club in Miami. Did you see the size of that ass? As they say in Northeastern Missouri, Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ!

If there’s an unfortunate trend with these uncut videos, it’s that a lot of the broads you’d actually want to see naked won’t go there. If you notice, the three topless broads dancing in the hot tub in the “Tip Drill” video are kinda skanky, and the main broad you see naked in “Disco Inferno” has tiny Asian woman boobs.

Furthermore, it seems to be the case that you have to travel downmarket to see anything really nasty. Ass jiggling and credit card swiping is one thing, but wouldn’t it be nice to see two naked white chicks make out in a shower? That’s obviously what Ray Cash was thinking.

Checkit:

  • Ray Cash: “Sex Appeal (Pimp in My Own Mind)” XXX Version (WM, RA, QT)

If the actual quality of the tang was improved, say, 100 percent, this could’ve been the greatest uncut video in the history of the form. You guys know I love white women more than I love hip-hop, but these broads look like they might actually be Mexican women (perhaps Tijuana hookers) with wigs. As it is, I’ll still give it an E for effort.

I suppose it makes sense that rappers who don’t have as much in the way of fiscal resources or, um, talent would have to resort to titilation that much more just to be recognized. In that sense, I guess it was only a matter of time before a group of rappers made a video so filthy it was just… filthy.

And wouldn’t you know it was a buncha jigs from St. Louis.

Nothing against women who go down on other women, but, um, eww! Even by St. Louis standards, those were some scary-looking beasts. I’m surprised that shit was even allowed on YouTube. I wonder if the TI’s at Hershey’s Chocolate are aware of this.

***

UPDATE: kris ex sent this one in. I heard he’s really into pr0n.

  • Kornphlake

    At least you have rappers pretending to be something else there. In Kansas City it’s just thugs pretending to be rappers. The only thing that K.C. has contributed is Tech N9ne (and that ain’t saying a whole lot). And here in Lawrence there aren’t even thugs pretending to be rappers, it’s just some dudes who decided to start rapping.

  • http://www.byroncrawford.com Rey

    I loved the “Disco Inferno” video (nullus). Nothing but girls kissing from what I recall. Alas, the T.I.s here at my job won’t let me access YouTube, and the only other internet I have is on my phone, so the replays of Curtis Jackson’s opus occur solely in my mind.

    Also, since the TIs won’t let me comment on your own site, lemme put my request here: How about a Thriller vs Purple Rain death match?

  • WOW…

    Freik Mobb!!?? I don’t even know what to…

    I mean how do you get that ignor…

    I can’t even…

  • thoreauly77

    i think thats awesome; whats wrong with really disgusting sloppy jiz-receptacles? i mean really mr. crawford, someone out there has to keep up the std proliferation. truly an enlightening piece; perhaps a more appropriate title for it would be, “my weenie is small”, by byron crawford. just a thought. anyhow, cheerio fartface!

  • suckitmarshall

    I think Ray Cash is the only person in the world that showers with his glasses on. Maybe it’s a rapper thing. I wonder if Lupe does too.

  • suckitmarshall

    Or maybe it’s a midwest thing. I bet Bol showers with his glasses on.

  • http://www.byroncrawford.com Rey

    Betting that Bol showers (1)definitely deserves a “nullus” and (2) is probably giving him more credit than he deserves at this point..

  • suckitmarshall

    fair play, Rey, on both points. But for real, I don’t play ‘nullus’ that shit has jumped the shark.

  • I Fux

    I am glad you had an underated reference to “Tijuana Hookers” there is top quality hoes @ “Adelita’s Bar” that would make any rappers video hoes look like dinosaurs

  • http://www.byroncrawford.com Rey

    Fuck. Already? I *just* started saying that!

    Dammit…

    Well, my friends aren’t really up on their “mildly popular hip-hop blog slang”, so I can still end up looking like an innovator to them.

    What about “No Dip Set”? Is that still cool?

  • http://rockthedub.blogspot.com khal

    >and the main broad you see naked in “Disco Inferno” has tiny Asian woman boobs.

    HILARIOUS!

    too on point.

  • Evan

    The Disco Inferno video can be summarized in one shot. A close up of 50 Cent’s ugly face rapping next to a jiggling butt.

    That hershee kiss song, although terrible, is kinda neat for it’s equal treatment of women and more accurate portrayal of lesbians than all other rap videos.

  • The ON1E

    ray cash is garbabge mayne, wack as all hell. he need to retire and start pumping gas

  • suckitmarshall

    “No Dip Set” is new to me, but it sounds like an instant classic with the staying power of phrases like, “Touch it or not” and “here comes the hot sauce.”

  • Lee

    Tupac’s how do you wanted with heather hunter nina hartly and other xxx stars is was and will always be the best xxx music video.

  • youngdelta

    man obviously ur not an uncut fan!!!! cuz disco inferno don’t come close to 87% of the video’s on uncut!!!!! i remember during the makin of it 50 was like nelly eat ur heart out or some corny shit like that. tip drill was big cuz it took uncut to a new level of popularity and u wanted to be at that mansion more than kids wanna go to disney land!!!! bol u suck, u swear u this distinguished hip hop critic but ur really jus a sell out who degrades his own people!!!!! u the type a dude i jus ignore in hip hop debates, but i love hearin u talk cuz u make me feel a hundred percent smarter!!!

  • BK

    ROFLMAO at this post and some of the comments.

    >If the actual quality of the tang was improved, say, 100 percent

    Dang man, is this sort of a continuity of the McDonald’s post?

  • http://www.byroncrawford.com Rey

    Hmm, can’t tell if I was just “ethered” or not..

    Just for the record, I was definitely NOT giving any kind of credit to the dipset at all.

    They just seem like the gayest musical collective since The Village People, and that’s INCLUDING the Black Eyed Peas.

  • eauhellzgnaw

    I seem to recall DJ Quik’s “Black Pussy” being a big deal, i.e. filthy.

  • Meka Soul

    >…The only thing that K.C. has contributed is Tech N9ne …>

    i thought he was from vegas….

    >”What about “No Dip Set”? Is that still cool?”>

    no it’s not…

    >Hmm, can’t tell if I was just “ethered” or not..>

    yes, you were…

    >A close up of 50 Cent’s ugly face rapping next to a jiggling butt.>

    you took the words right out of my mouth…

    >i think thats awesome; whats wrong with really disgusting sloppy jiz-receptacles? i mean really mr. crawford, someone out there has to keep up the std proliferation. truly an enlightening piece; perhaps a more appropriate title for it would be, “my weenie is small”, by byron crawford. just a thought. anyhow, cheerio fartface!>

    get a life. nobody cares what you think.

    >man obviously ur not an uncut fan!!!! cuz disco inferno don’t come close to 87% of the video’s on uncut!!!!! i remember during the makin of it 50 was like nelly eat ur heart out or some corny shit like that. tip drill was big cuz it took uncut to a new level of popularity and u wanted to be at that mansion more than kids wanna go to disney land!!!!>

    i didn’t understand this, but for this:

    >bol u suck, u swear u this distinguished hip hop critic but ur really jus a sell out who degrades his own people!!!!! u the type a dude i jus ignore in hip hop debates, but i love hearin u talk cuz u make me feel a hundred percent smarter!!!>

    see above. anybody else?

  • KillaCane

    Boycott Kool-Aid!!!!!

  • I Am A Hater

    >>You guys know I love white women more than I love hip-hop

    LMAO!

  • http://www.livejournal.com Rey

    I don’t know whether to thank MekaSoul for the clarification or call him/her/it a dick for thinking we needed him/her/it to ‘set us straight’ (no dip set).

  • http://www.jameslambjr.com J. Lamb

    Wow. I never thought an Uncut video would surprise me; after Nelly’s “Tip Drill” I thought the entire genre was past its misogynist prime.

    But that “Hershe Kiss” from Freik Mobb opened my eyes and threatened my gastrointestinal integrity. A gaudy, sexually explicit, progressive video that exalts the club meat market that reduces Black women to livestock, irrespective of gender? Someone call G.L.A.A.D.! Those brothers deserve some kind of award, for honesty towards Black lesbianism and simple human indecency.

    Ah, rap music. Contradictory, confusing, and a little bit insane. Speaking of which, where did they film the P.I.M.P. video, Dr. 90210′s house? I haven’t that much silicone since the last Apple Comp. convention.

  • imwassup

    Yes, Tech N9ne is from Kansas City..other than that…lmao…Bol cracks me the hell up

  • Meka Soul

    >I don’t know whether to thank MekaSoul for the clarification or call him/her/it a dick for thinking we needed him/her/it to ’set us straight’ (no dip set).>

    up until you said “no dipset,” [which is still not cool] i was mildly impressed. keep hope alive, however.

  • CAMRUNFRMRUCKER

    anyone got the soundscan on Big Bang..im hearin 300,000 first week. No.1 debut….

    any new info?

  • Ashley Parker Angel

    Yup, it was Ludacris and DTP with “Pussy Poppin’” that showed the bush–it was dirty, but wasn’t so dirty that I didn’t try to lick the screen at my granny’s house.

  • Rome

    how did nullus become not cool before i found out what it meant. I really need to catch up.

    “Boycott Kool-Aid!!!!!”

    never. nothing washes down fried chicken and corn-bread like artificially flavored grapeDRINK ( just for the record kool-aid is never to be called juice).

  • http://www.livejournal.com Rey

    Fuck. Two ‘etherings’ on one entry. How about ‘No Village People’? That’s gotta be cool for at least 2 weeks.

  • http://www.myspace.com/lone_Nigerian lone Nigerian

    i love how in the Hershe’s kiss vid the only thing they are watching on TV is BET. makes ya think

    and they said “nigga” way too many times in the interlude. I can’t even say it for a week now to make up for their excess use.

  • CAMRUCFRMRCUKER

    […] Busta Rhymes tops this week’s pop charts after moving just over 209,000 copies of his latest LP, The Big Bang. This release marks Busta’s seventh solo studio album and his first project since signing to legendary producer Dr. Dre’s Aftermath label in 2004. It’s also the first time a Busta album has ever held the top spot on Billboard’s Top 200. An air of controversy initially surrounded the album after the violent murder of Busta’s bodyguard, Israel Ramirez, at the video shoot for his smash single “Touch It,” Busta’s subsequent lack of cooperation with authorities in the investigation. The Big Bang has been hailed by some critics as Busta’s best work to date (CLICK HERE for XXLMAG.COM’s audio/visual retrospective of Busta’s career). […]
    ——–
    TAKE THAT..BOL!!!!

  • Blaq Thought

    Which euphamisim do you prefer for calling something GAY or denying it??

    No Homo

    (Popularized by SOHH.com )

    No Brokeback

    (Created after the love / horror flick of two burley cowboys finding love with one another)

    Nullus

    (I still need a good definition on this one because I must have missed a blog page or something cuz I don’t get the humor)

    No Elton

    (Self-explainitory – Elton John)

    No Dipset

    (Very, very, funny with a scary sense of truth – They were those feminine colors proudly – pink/purple, they enjoy participating in parades related to pride, they create some questionable slang not used by average joes -”piff”, “ay,ay,ay”, “sizzurp”, “goony goo goo” and “bandana santana” and they have better fashion knowledge about designers than my older sister)

    No Anul sex

    (Self explainitory)

    No Lezbo

    (I’ve heard women using this one – funny)

    No Spongebob

    (This one came after the religous evangelis controversy w/ Jerry Fallwell or somebody. I guess he and Patrick are alittle to close – they work together, play together, blow one another’s . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . bubble makers in the water,eeweeh)

  • goldfromthe49

    knock yourself out – jadakiss

    check that vid, highly recomended

  • suckitmarshall

    I move to retire ‘ether’ and all tenses. Thanks, fellas. I look forward to an etherless XXL webite.

  • http://www.byroncrawford.com Rey

    See MekaSoul? Blaq Thought agrees with me! (um…no dick chaney’s daughter)

    As for retiring “ether” and all it’s tenses: Fuck. I *just* started saying that.

    lol, how about “G-Unit”? You know, like “Such & Such really ‘signed to g-unit’ with that move.” It could mean purposefully fucking yourself over cuz you chose to ignore all common sense. Like some kind of “slanguage” version of “shooting yourself in the foot” or “putting your foot in your mouth… (1) I might be getting ahead of myself, or I might be a genius..

    Somebody get the urban dictionary people on the line…

    (1) Ma$e, Olivia, Mobb Deep, MOP, Spider Loc…

  • Meka Soul

    >Which euphamisim do you prefer for calling something GAY or denying it??>

    how about “gay?” you can even attach adverbs to it for added effect:

    “flagrantly gay”
    “crazy gay”
    “really gay”
    “really REALLY gay”

    the list goes on.

  • Blaq Thought

    I think I’ll stick with No SpongeBob. It’s confusing enough that anybody will laugh when they read it.

    ie: I went to Mc Donald’s for lunch and the dude at the counter handed me a “Big & Tasty” I could wait to put in my mouth . . .no spongebob.

  • http://www.byroncrawford.com Rey

    “No spongebob” is a bit more universal than “no dipset”..

  • Meka Soul

    >“No spongebob” is a bit more universal than “no dipset”..>

    and as equally uncool.

  • shalicea

    I found this uncut video after looking at the ST. Louis one http://monomuzik.net/pinkslip.htm

    nothing but T&A all through the video

  • http://www.facebook.com bama

    I THINK UNCUT SUCK WOMAN WILL DO ANYTHING FOR A COUPLE OF PENNIES AND STACEY DASH IS A NASTY BITCH I WOULDN’T RENT A BOOTLEG FROM HER MOMMA THE FIRST I SAW THIS VIDEO I THROW UP!THAT SHIT IS DOWN RIGHT NASTY

  • http://therealblackwallstreet.com Balla

    fuck g-unit ggggggggggg-unot BLACKWALLSTREET

  • Stax On Deck

    Yeah Nelly Got Da Best Unkut Video Tip Drill