Hip-Hop’s #1 White Girl

You know who I like? Christina Aguilera.

I wasn’t as crazy about her back in her skanky “Genie in a Bottle” days, but the video for “Dirrty,” with Redman, made me a true believer. The song itself sucked balls, but the ass-shaking in the video showed a certain level of commitment that you just don’t see as often.

Also, she seems like the kind of white chick that fucks a lot of black dudes – either because she genuinely enjoys it or because she’s out to prove a point. Perhaps both. On the one hand, you’d like to think that it’s the former, but the latter’s actually kinda cool, too, if you think about it.

You know, anytime I can help a woman prove a point…

In that sense, I suppose it was only a matter of time before Christina Aguilera decided to explore her “hip-hop side” even further. The halcyon days of Backstreet Uber Alles are long gone, but the allure of the black man’s johnson is the kind of trend that has a tendency to endure. No homo.

Still, I was as surprised as everyone else when I heard her new shit was going to be produced by DJ Premier. Granted, he once did a song with Fred Durst, but at least he’s kind of a rapper. This bitch is a straight-up TRL-style pop tart, regardless of how many brothers she hit off with a little “trim.”

Also, did she not hear The Ownerz? That album sucked! It could be the case that it was the old Gang Starr formula that had grown tired more so than Premier’s actual talent as a producer. But if I’m an artist who sold tens of millions of albums as recently as a few years ago, I don’t know that I’d want to take that kind of risk.

That said, the first single came out pretty dang well, actually. For a song by a washed-up hip-hop producer and a pop singer that I generally can’t stand, it’s quite a bit better than it has any right to be. I find myself actually listening to it when it comes on the radio in my car.

If the album is anywhere near as good, Primo might be about to get paid.

The video, directed by Bryan Barber (who strikes me as a bit fruity – nullus), is decent enough, I suppose. The set decoration (possibly left over from Idlewild) is nice, but I could’ve used more skin. Especially when it certainly appears as if she’s been able to maintain her looks at the ripe old age of 25.

Remember when people used to argue about who was hotter between her and Britney Spears? Well, Christina Aguilera won. Let that serve as a lesson to any young chicks reading this who are thinking about eating a shiteload of Cheetos and trying to reproduce. That shit’ll ruin your figure.

  • GOD

    whiteboy bol showing his true side.

  • P-Matik

    First.

    >Also, did she not hear The Ownerz? That album sucked!

    Fool, is you CRAZY?

  • Gutta

    let me be the first to say that this column was pointless!! i read better from you bol and i didnt read the whole thing..just some constructive criticism for ya.

  • imwassup

    lmao- i’ve just started reading this blog, but it always makes me laugh…even though it seems like u dont like any kind of hip hop music, u support ur views in the most sarcastic, hilarious way…i love it!

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    Interestingly enough, I used to have my papers in college critiqued by a guy named “Gutta” as well.

  • cmon byron

    wow where’s the controversy??

  • CAMRUNFRMRUCKER

    HER NEW ALBUM BACK 2 BASICS SHUD B SICK…WITH PREMO PRODUCING AND PLUS I LIKE EARLY JAZZ…..THE SINGLE THOUGH IS NOT ALL THAT.

  • CAMRUNFRMRUCKER

    BOL, YOURE REALLY DUMB TO HATE ON PREMO….CLEARLY U SHOULD BE ON THE ROLLING STONE SITE N NOT BLOGGING ON A HIP HOP SITE. U DONT GET MUCH MORE HIP HOP THAN DJ PREMIER. BOL, IM REALLY GETTING TIRED OF YOUR BLOG.

  • http://rockthedub.blogspot.com khal

    the video for Ain’t No Other Man

    I dig this. I wonder how much Preem is contributing to the LP…

  • projectnrm

    Yawn.

  • Ian

    Her shit is going to sell because that song is going to do good on TRL. As for her being Hip Hop’s #1 white girl, she is because she’s the only white girl that got love for hip hop that looks good.

  • http://www.byroncrawford.com Rey

    Yeah, X-Tina could get it. I gotta roll with Britney tho’, that “…baby one more time” video was definitely the apex of the moving picture.

    Plus, it looks like Britney’s boobs are real, and C. Aguilera looks like she went to whomever screwed up los titties del Lil’ Kim.

    (even us witty commenters need to be super ignorant at times, word to mekasoul)

  • swagger

    good point bol, except you skipped the fact that shes hispanic not white
    http://www.gale.com/free_resources/chh/bio/aguilera_c.htm

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    But have you seen Britney lately?

  • Meka Soul

    funny blog…. not funny in a “haha” way, but funny in a “detrimental to society” way.

    by the way…

    >Also, did she not hear The Ownerz? That album sucked!>

    when compared to the classics all over the “full clip” double disc, i co-sign that statement.

  • dj madwax

    “Let that serve as a lesson to any young chicks reading this who are thinking about eating a shiteload of Cheetos and trying to reproduce. That shit’ll ruin your figure.”

    this shit made me LOL

  • Meka Soul

    adding on to my post about “the ownerz” album,, in my humble opinion [aka i i could give 3/5 of a shit what everyone else thinks]…

    any grown individual[s] who makes a porno parody of “grindin’” as a skit on their album loses most [if not all] cool points with me…

    even if it was funny the 1st time i heard it.

  • Meka Soul

    adding on to rey’s post… you’re wrong. christina’s tits are more cross-eyed [the nips point in opposite directions] that lil’ kim leftovers.

  • D Money

    Boi,yall have some distorted tastes as far as ‘white girls who has a love for hip hop’.The sexy Nelly Furtado looks waaayyy betta than Christina.Not only that,her album,produced entirely by,um,Timbaland,will show you which white diva reigns.And you got that thick Gwen Stefani,who fucks with Pharrell on the beats(maybe the sheets too),also sounds a lot betta than Christina Aguilera.My money is on Nelly “promiscious girl”Furtado,she even has gutts to flow.

  • jimi

    Bol. Ole girl is Hispanic, albeit in a down-low Cameron Diaz, Charlie Sheen sort of way.

  • d rock

    Bol i am starting to believe your are a homosexual. Everyday you put in a boderline homo comment.

    Maybe your next blog should be called coming out the closet.

  • http://www.livejournal.com Rey

    Bol, She’s pregnant. She’ll drop CrackFed and the weight and come back all hot. If not, i’ve still got Scarlett and Elisha for my hot blonde white girl ogling. I love white women the way Cam loves Juelz, homo implied greatly.

  • http://www.livejournal.com Rey

    Also, fuck. I forgot xTina was DL hispanic. Anyway, Christina is way prettier than Nelly F. Nel looks hot in the promiscuous video, but Stina is just way hotter plus, fake or not, she has boobs. Timbaland’s man boobs are bigger than Nelly Furtado’s. -Gwen Stefani and Pharrell are both completely fucking useless in virtually every way possible, and I’m prepared to defend that fact to the death. The only way they could be anymore annoying is if they signed to G-Unit.

  • Sarutama

    Christina Agihoochie is definitely hotter, but looking at Britney it looks now like if I could actually maybe hit that, so that definitely gets points.

  • http://www.sleepsmental.blogspot.com Sleep

    The Ownerz sucked? Do you know anything about what you’re talking about? I mean honestly, the album was no where even near to sucking. But hey people have their own opinions, smart or not (not in this case). Also, if I’m not mistaken. Her dad originates from Ecuador, so she’s not even all white.

    Ha you’re a good journalist, with terrible ideas/thoughts.

  • johnathan blaze

    Primo at Blueberry Hill on Monday.

  • Lloyd Banks

    > the allure of the black man’s johnson is the kind of trend that has a tendency to endure.

    Damn Bol… you’re more fag than Big Tigger!

    …and thats saying something!

  • http://novaslim.com nOva

    She’s a hispanic on the “DL” but she records entire albums in Spanish and her gov’t and professional name is AGUILERA???

    This girl sucks at keeping secrets.

  • http://djxplicit.blogspot.com http://djxplicit.blogspot.com

    christina’s half hispanic – father from ecuador, mother from US of A (irish//german/etc – i.e. cracka – descent)

  • UnFaded Disciple

    Everytime I read Bol’s articles…

    It just seems like Rey is trying to copy him in some way possible

  • BOL

    Did you guys not know I was a faggot? Not only do I like penis, but I hate black people AND their music. I dont have any clue as to why any of you actually read my column.

  • Sushi K

    They read it because it can be funny, but often just infuriatingly lunk-headed [but well written]. Let’s not even talk about the racial baiting. This all goes a long way (just ask Howard Stern) in holding interest in much the same way people can’t help but stare at a car wreck.

    Another reason (and probably the main reason most [read: me] tuned in in the first place) is that if you google almost any particular hip hop album review, yours will show up in the top 5 hits [usually].

    A vicious and effective cycle.

    Congratulations on conjuring up some virtual fame. Now go get laid for crying out loud it is all sooooo obvious…

  • http://rockthedub.blogspot.com khal

    isn’t her moms white though? that has to count for something…

  • http://www.byroncrawford.com Rey

    Damm.. Ethered again.

    Seriously, what are the odds of two sarcastic people that have alot to say about pop culture and hip-hop in specific both ending up on the internet?

    Boggles the mind.

    Hey MekaSoul, Your Unfaded Dickhead boyfriend is getting jealous of all the attention you give my comments.

  • Mundsig Duerf

    It’s never been more obvious that Bol is a sellout black man. DJ Premier is washed up? ? and another ?
    What are you basing that on? You don’t hear Premier beats anymore because these laffy taffy niggaz don’t know who Premier is. But, that’s another topic for another day. Let’s talk about how desperate you come off on your little blog here. For one, there’s a reason why there’s hardly any pics of you on the web–there’s enough written material, but actual pictures are hard to come by. You must think you’re really ugly don’t you? Sorry… That’s also why the one picture you DO have on this site is a headshot–I mean being ugly is one thing, being fat is another thing, but being fat AND ugly is just unacceptable… Now I know that there’s too much stuff to type about to be sticking any protrusions into any orifices around your apartment, but because Aguilera is not your typical southern-accent dumb blonde you assume she fucks black men?That must give you a BIG hard-on, doesn’t it? I bet you have her Lady Marmelade video on your computer somewhere contributing to your carpal tunnel syndrome… You probably had enough time to rub one out between typing that and submitting your blog, didn’t you. Shit, a perv like you probably has TiVo on your 14″ tv and are playing her new video right now rubbing pre-cum all over yourself. It must really suck knowing that there ARE white girls out there that fuck black men and you STILL can’t get laid. You were the type in high-school that if your friends asked you if you’d fuck a girl, you’d come up with some excuse why she doesn’t meet your standards…now, years later you still haven’t been laid and as far as standards, I’m sure that if it has a hole, you’d fuck it. I mean, shit, you have your choice between two different races and damn it if neither one of them finds you attractive. Hey, how about a shower every now and then–I know you like to feel dirty by not showering after masturbating 3 times a day for 2 days straight–your “scent” really helps you cum doesn’t it?–but come on homey, I can smell you from here. Cheers to you getting laid, PERV! You’re the kind of lousy fuck that keeps himself controversial because you know the moment you die, you’ll never be spoken of again–well, keep it alive man, you still have an outlet for your sorrows… Have a nice day!

  • BOL

    Can I have some penis now?

  • http://www.hiphop-blogs.com Hashim

    “Bol. Ole girl is Hispanic, albeit in a down-low Cameron Diaz, Charlie Sheen sort of way.”

    She’s White Hispanic.

  • lee

    Yo i thought hip hops fav white gurl was cocane.

  • http://www.byroncrawford.com Rey

    Mundsig Duerf…

    That must be german for “Can’t take a joke”.

    Bol, that kraut fucker scares me.

  • UnFaded Disciple

    “Hey MekaSoul, Your Unfaded Dickhead boyfriend is getting jealous of all the attention you give my comments.”-Rey

    Damn? Why you gettign ya feelings hurt all of a sudden?

    All I said was you got some of Bol’s after taste on ya and you really do have that same “sarcastic” talk too…

    I thought you was dickridign him, but I guess not…but hey, you the one who got mad…so it is what it is…its the internet…

  • Sushi K

    Mundsig Duerf: you seem to know an awful lot about masturbation…

    Bol: is what he says TRUE???

  • Shortylightskin

    Unbelievable, Primo is one of if not the best producer of all time. Bol will diss anybody just for a reaction. And i can’t help but question whether or not he’s a “proud” black man. Chapelle need to do that racial draft again and give this cat to the whites.

  • http://www.byroncrawford.com Rey

    It’s all good, U.D.

    Gimme a hug.

  • Meka Soul

    >Did you guys not know I was a faggot? Not only do I like penis, but I hate black people AND their music. I dont have any clue as to why any of you actually read my column.>

    wow… moving on…

    >Hey MekaSoul, Your Unfaded Dickhead boyfriend is getting jealous of all the attention you give my comments.>

    this would have garnered a response, but…

    >It’s all good, U.D…Gimme a hug.>

    after this, i’ll pass.

    >Unbelievable, Primo is one of if not the best producer of all time. >

    i wholeheartedly agree with that one.

  • lone1

    Remember when people used to argue about who was hotter between her and Britney Spears? Well, Christina Aguilera won. Let that serve as a lesson to any young chicks reading this who are thinking about eating a shiteload of Cheetos and trying to reproduce. That shit’ll ruin your figure.

    Shit…I always said Christina Aguilera was finer…just because she is Hispanic…gotta show love…

    But why all the hate for Primo?

  • Corey

    well whatever your dad is that makes, therefor if he’s from ecuador, that technically makes her hispanic.

  • Blaq Thought

    Thanks Bol for saying that the Owners CD sucked. I tried to convince niggas that Rite Where You Stand was the only hot song on the album and Primo was mad at Guru and the label during that album. I hoped that one of my favorite groups wouldn’t go out like Jordan and the Wizards but its hard to tell a great one when to quit while their ahead.

  • http://www.myspace.com/idubya11 iw11

    SHE’S HISPANIC.

  • FUCK BYRON CRAWFORD

    waste of fucking blog space this fag is. straight up.

  • 5 STAR X-E-Q-SHUN

    Bol, u fucking wasted this blog on a freeekin poptart who’s average @ best. Man, it’s time 2 finish U off wit da 5 star x-e-q-shun on yo punk ass!

  • http://www.facebook.com DEDICATION

    U ARE REALLY STUPID MOTHERFUCKER YOUR MOTHER SHOULD HAVE LEFT YOUR UGLY ASS AT THE ZOO. U LOVE WHITE WOMAN BUT ALWAY’S TRYING TO TALK ABOUT THE B.A.P’S LET THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN BEYONCE’ ON THE DIRTY VIDEO U WOULD AHVE GRIND HER UP U STUPID PORCH MONKEY!!!!!!!!!SEL

  • The Pope

    She’s Whispanic.

  • 8thstreetdyme

    ^^^^^
    ROTFLMAO

    GOOD ONE POPE. WHISPANIC THAT SHIT IS FUNNY

  • DHLite

    i lost my virginity to xtina four year ago, word, the “x” is there for a reason… bitch was wild then i was 14 i could barely handle her lil white ass but i did me and four or five of my niggas. I that shit first though, don’t get it fucked up. but i don’t know what that hoe was doin’ b4 the ish went down, cuz she’s a fuckin’ pro, porno star, super freak, we all was probaly was just a train stop that night. i understand why she married so young, bitch probally wore out goin’ at that rate for even a shortest amount of time. I would hit it again though.

  • http://Yahoo Jack The Ripper

    All You Ass Wholes Need To Get A Life.Now I See Why Barack Obama Got So Many Votes Over The Internet.Half Of You Ain.t Gonna Be Around Much More Longer Anyhow Cause After The AirBorne Unit Leave Iraqi It,s Gonna Be You Alls Turn And I Can Tell By Your Conversation That None Of You Will Be Coming Back.

    Barack Loses Nomination

  • http://conceive-a-boy.net conceive a boy

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