Far Removed From Baggin’ That Work Up In The Clarion

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Pardon my French, but fuck Jive Records. And I mean that in the most sincere manner possible. Seriously. Them crackers ain’t playin’ fair.

Fuck Jive, fuck Zomba, fuck their Apartheid roots and their German backers(a).

I guess I could get my Jimmy Olsen on and get to the bottom of things—you know, do investigative reporting—but, luckily we don’t do that over here. It’s too much work. So, inspired by the actions of Jay Guevara, I am calling for a something that requires significantly less activity: a boycott. Of Jive Records.

Mind you, the last time I actually paid for a Jive Records product was BDP’s Sex & Violence album, so my protest is probably going to be as effective as a Cam’ron dis song.

Maybe I’ll do a press conference. Which will amount to even less impact seeing as Barry Weiss probably couldn’t care less about me. I’m pretty sure the other Weiss took me off the Christmas card list a long time ago, but that’s a whole ‘nother story(b).

At any rate, the greatest atrocity to befall hip-hop since someone gave Yung Joc a record deal is upon us and you future leaders of the so-called free world are ignoring it like it’s Net Neutrality or Global Warming(c).

Does no one care that Hell Hath No Fury has once again been pushed back? I mean, really. The Clipse created the best album to be imported into my iTunes library last year and this is the thanks they get? I would blame Pharrell, but he can’t even get his own album out. And every beat he’s given the Brothers Thorton to date has been smoking hot shit, so—Barney-awful Kanye collaborations aside—he hasn’t totally lost his mind.

But, still, a big WTF. Very big.

For a few weeks, it seemed as if Jive was doing the right thing. They let a few people preview the album, and every hipster that heard it swears it’s a classic(d). Then, the label that went from bringing us Schoolly D to enabling R. Kelly to pushing what’s left of Nick Lachey on the types of chicks that won’t experiment with other chicks, even in college(e), did something right. They sent out—for promotional purposes only—The Best of We Got It 4 Cheap, which was better than it had any right to be, considering that it was basically extracted from two mixtapes and left the Clinton Sparks histrionics on the cutting room floor(f). Hell, Jive even put out a video for “Mr. Me Too” (that you can download here) and it looks like they actually spent some money on it.

But now, the Clipse have been kick pushed a la Lupe Fiasco. (Kelis, who really can’t sing anyway, has also been pushed back in recent weeks.) To when? Who knows?

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do for summer hip-hop. I mean, no one’s still listening to the two albums that you children were trying to push off as classics earlier this year; Busta’s good but missing something; and the year’s best hip-hop record thus far has come from the UK(g).

Worst yet, the Patty Cake Man and Neighborhood Push may wind up fending off dudes like Game, Nas, Luda, 50(h) and a bunch of tax write-offs in the fourth quarter. Were the Clipse to come out on their last scheduled release date of August 1(i), the only real competition in their path would have been Rick Ross and a bunch of eight dollars-per-record millionaires from Koch Records. I think there’s little question as to whom connoisseurs of fine cocaine rhyme would have gravitated towards.

Now, them VA boys are pretty much fucked, if you ask me.

A label that doesn’t realize what they have and has even less knowledge of how to market it is thinking about putting Hell Hath No Fury on store shelves during the busiest time of the year?

Oh blow me.

I say boycott Jive until they drop the Clipse album. White people will still buy OutKast and, if you were smart (j), you were gonna boycott that (Cool and) Dre album anyway. So really, I’m just asking you not to pick up the new Too $hort record.

Do this and we shall overcome.

P.S.— Rush, rush, get the yayo and download The Best of We Got It 4 Cheap here. Fuck Zomba. Them crackers ain’t playing fair(k).

————————————–

(a) RM, IN, SV: Sorry?

(b) I don’t believe in Christmas, anyway.

(c) I have very little hope for the future of humanity.

(d) Not that you could trust the opinion of a hipster, but still.

(e) Something I find totally unacceptable.

(f) Get familiar.

(g) You can lie to yourselves all you want.

(h) I really can’t see dude sitting out the whole year, but I’ve been wrong before.

(i) I may be making this date up.

(j) Which you’re probably not.

(k) Got me cussin’ and everything.

  • http://www.trendsettazinc.com DJ Main Event

    thats real. Re-Up Gang is one of the best crews out with no album. I think Lord Willin’ needs a new review, everyone (including yours truely) slept on it.

    http://www.myspace.com/djmainevent

  • http://www.myspace.com/gisli geez

    i agree with you man… to me Lord Willing is one of the best and most repeat playable albums in my collection… shit is just sad, that these fuckers can’t see what they have… i mean they fucking took hate it or love it and made it ill (that’s an old school word for fresh, which is an old school word for “you get maximum enjoyment from listening to this, it’s definetely better than skanky hoe sex)…. fuck it just wanted to give thumbs up on actually writing about the clipse… and yes I am waiting on the album like crazy and will buy copies for all members of my family, once it drops that is.. good work there man

  • djeff

    The really best album that came from UK this year is Sway’s This is my demo.

  • rives305

    the reason why the clipse album has been getting pushed back is because pharrell has been trying to buy them out of their contract at jive or just trying to get them to leave and in the video they diss jive. the clipse are more lyrical but all rick ross raps about is coke.

  • http://rockthedub.blogspot.com khal

    pushed back? that’s fucked… i have been boycotting mad labels though…

  • JayW

    You just saved my life with this best of link. GOOD LOOKIN!

  • Mikey Ess AKA SukedowN

    Lord Willin is one of the Top 7 albums to come out in the 2000s.

    Early and hungry Neptune production + complex in its simplicity lyricism = Groundbreaking Fire AKA Lord Willin

    However, let’s not kid ourselves. Can HHNF come even close to Lord Willin’?

    I’d say probably not.

  • wtf

    No one is listening to King? Really?

    Clipse are so fucking overrated right now.

  • Gutta

    shit like that pisses me off,probably more than it should, because the people responsible for our music(not just black people) are old white men who dont even really listen to the music nor know what good music is hence,d4l,dfb,young joc,cam’ron,fat joe,remy martin,mike jones,i-20,tony yayo.all these ppl who put out albums that were straight garbage was able to put out albums b4 clipse and we all know there many more but this is what i could think of but back to my point,i cannot stand to look at these old bastards who have no idea of what good music is or how to market artists who have the ability to put out what ever bullshit they feel is necessary.no disrespect but how is anthony hamilton, an r&b artist on jive for those able to put out 2 albums before the clipse put out 1 when the clipse have gone platinum on the first album?? i agree with kris ex 100%

  • “Cracker”

    You don’t have to call them “Crackers”. I will gladly stand behind you in a boycott although I’d like not to be referred to as a Cracker. Thanks.

  • GTFOH

    yeah… i wanna hear the clipse too, i hope the album will come out soon. i’m sure folks value your enthusiasm for a boycott of jive but naw… you want us not to buy the new Too Short album. fuck that, naw fuck u! hater.

    all your hater comments show your outta touch. the last album you bought on jive was sex and violence?? you pulled your own card.

  • Danny

    It’s Che Guevara, not “Jay”…real first name is Ernesto

  • EASY

    wont be difficult telling folks on the internet to boycott a label, they were going to download it for free anyway.

  • ProvaKATE

    Fuck a boycott….and take a breath….I agree with my man Kris on alot of levels but….come on JIVE has been on the straight front since Whodini. Granted they had early face in hip hop and believe it or not….a roster over the years that puts to shame alot of “traditional hip hop labels” to shame but it remains true that the “WASPS” main objective was to crossover and get that “middle-america suburbanite cash” and they were successful…so in turn what do you get…..lax promo on “controversial cocaflow rappers”

    tagged up with the neptunes you think would give them that “carte blanche status” but seriously…..if JIVE does not see them as a priority….then they need to just stop the charade and bounce away from hip-hop….alltogether….heard a backstreet boy just quit…..fuckin handle that shit and get them momo’s back on they gregory hines.

    P.S.
    Kris you didn’t “pay” for any of Tribe’s joints or Keith Murray’s first joints…..if not….cool because the prolly most quoted line comes from Q-Tip, 4080….had to have been influenced from “SOMEBODY”?

  • Meka Soul

    there goes my summer of buying albums. i’m solely rapidsharing and megauploading from now on.

    >You don’t have to call them “Crackers”. I will gladly stand behind you in a boycott although I’d like not to be referred to as a Cracker. Thanks.>

    how about “pale-face” then?

  • Will

    a) Stop with the racist shit. They’re wankers, the fact that they’re white is coincindental.
    b) Which UK artist dropped the best album this year?

  • http://myspace.com/heinz21st Heinz

    lol @ all the crackers being offended by the word…CRACKERS.

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  • “Cracker”

    Wow, I didn’t realize XXL was home to so many haters.
    Crackers? It’s not as much offensive as it is stereo typing. Because the run a company they are Crackers? Ok, sorry they made way more out of their lives then you have made Heinz and Meka Soul..and they happen to be white. Yeah, I have a pale face, fuck it. It doesn’t make me one of these Jive a-holes. Seriously, grow up. If you don’t like to be called racist names you should return the favor.

  • a kidd

    a fucking consumer controversy boo-hoo. go buy yourselfs a new life instead of a CD.there are bigger problems in the world than your inability to buy this or that.

  • too good

    shit, they can’t even promote and market their pop artists properly of late. I’m just waiting for them to go ass up, hope they don’t take anyone good down with them.

  • http://www.flogmusic.com KM

    Thank you for publishing this piece, and for the link. Those tracks are amazing and Zomba is making a huge mistake letting this album sit on the shelf.

  • Booze and Pills

    The boycott won’t do jack. I don’t think it’s like in the big picture Jive/Zomba’s rap division is their big moneymaker (Outkast being the exception) when all their other pop shit keeps them afloat. Besides, do the people who buy stuff like Justin Timberlake, Chris Brown, Britney etc. and keep Jive rolling in money give a damn enough about the Clipse to make a difference?
    I doubt it greatly.

  • raul

    i like the clispe as much as anyone else but c mon they ain’t fuckin wit outkast period. all they rap about is selling coke.Face it kris without the neptunes they would of never made it out of va

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  • Alki

    lol damnn…boycott too short to ?…wus htis like his 16th album n no 1 aint gone show him no love? n he was jus gettn his name out their…ppl still neva heard of him :S too short has thought of a million ways to rap about sex

  • Doc Flav

    Picture Me Not Getting Too Short Album, That Will Never Develop.

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  • http://itsbeentime.blogspirit.com Tego

    Jive are fuckree! You know that Mitchell Brothers is classic innit? People aren’t ready!

  • http://itsbeentime.blogspirit.com Tego

    I say good luck to Papoose. Jive don’t see an album in Britney’s near future (One of the most famous people on the planet) and Bag-Puss thinks he’s got a shot.

  • Smokie

    Hella footnotes…

  • Nina

    “Danny Says:
    June 27th, 2006 at 3:24 pm
    It’s Che Guevara, not “Jay”…real first name is Ernest”

    lmao!! He meant to say Jay not Che (I’m sure he knows the difference) He said pull a JAY like Jayz boycott Cristal. If he was saying lets run up in Jive offices with weapons drawn then he would have said pull a CHE not Jay.

    Its called word play. Guess it went right over ur head.

  • fcukisthis?

    Bambaaclot fuckery!

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