Russell Simmons, OG in the Pimp Game

Russell Simmons may not be the most influential man in hip-hop, according to the tantamount experts at Time magazine (which is no XXL), but P Diddy could stand to learn a thing or two from the way the man manages his personal life. We all could.

When I read recently that Rush and Kimora were headed for a heartbreak, Winger-style, I wondered what the likelihood was, really, of Ol' Rush being taken into a courtroom and getting "ethered in the a," as if he was Johnny Carson or somebody. This is, after all, a man who once considered opening his own modeling agency so he could fuck all the models. Maybe he could care less about running a record label, but he doesn't strike me as the kind of guy to play when it comes to his pussy.

Lo and behold, it doesn't look like Kimora Lee (Simmons) is going anywhere - at least with Rush's money. According to her own Wikipedia page, she owns about as much of Baby Phat as I do XXL, i.e. nothing at all.

Contrary to popular belief, the fashionista is not the founder of the Baby Phat brand, which first came into existence as a publicity tool for her husband's Phat Farm clothing line [...] they became such a phenomenon that the decision was made to launch an entire Baby Phat collection. He brought his wife on board as creative director.

In other words, if she ever did try to walk, Rush would just fire her ass from her own company, Damon Dash-style. I'm sure she would receive some settlement (gotta take care of those kids!), but it wouldn't be enough to float her high fallutin' ass for very long. What's a few million dollars to a woman that uses a solid gold toilet? It's no wonder, then, that it was announced in a matter of days that the two of them weren't actually getting divorced after all.

The whole time, Rush didn't bother to keep it like a secret (I know) that he was dropping it off in the damn fine-looking Denise Vasi, as well as, possibly, that weird, hairly-looking broad from America's Next Top model and any number of other young modeling chicks.

In fact, Rush had probably been getting his Bob Barker on the whole time they were together, knowing good and well he had Kimora, who's still good for a boink, stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Which is some cold shit.

Predictably, Kimora is pissed and has taken to "accidentally" revealing to the media issues Rush may or may not be having with his unit. Which is really about all she can do at this point. (Maybe she'll fuck with one of his cars, too.)

"I am happy and wished that Russell and I departed years ago. "Russell and I had outgrown one another years ago and the little blue pill did not help our sex life." she said.

"This is off the record, oh hell you can report it, Russell was awful in bed!!!"...We will continue our business relationship and we will both be active in our kids lives, but the romance is what?...Over!!!"

Which sounds less than likely to me. Nullus. Granted, Rush is an old-ass man - even a bit older, in fact, than both of my parents. But I find it hard to believe that such a stud would ever have a hard time performing in the sack. You wonder if it ever occurred to her that maybe he was having a hard time getting it up because he had just climbed down off of something else.

You know he likes 'em tall.