Russell Simmons, OG in the Pimp Game

Russell Simmons may not be the most influential man in hip-hop, according to the tantamount experts at Time magazine (which is no XXL), but P Diddy could stand to learn a thing or two from the way the man manages his personal life. We all could.

When I read recently that Rush and Kimora were headed for a heartbreak, Winger-style, I wondered what the likelihood was, really, of Ol’ Rush being taken into a courtroom and getting “ethered in the a,” as if he was Johnny Carson or somebody. This is, after all, a man who once considered opening his own modeling agency so he could fuck all the models. Maybe he could care less about running a record label, but he doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy to play when it comes to his pussy.

Lo and behold, it doesn’t look like Kimora Lee (Simmons) is going anywhere – at least with Rush’s money. According to her own Wikipedia page, she owns about as much of Baby Phat as I do XXL, i.e. nothing at all.

Contrary to popular belief, the fashionista is not the founder of the Baby Phat brand, which first came into existence as a publicity tool for her husband’s Phat Farm clothing line [...] they became such a phenomenon that the decision was made to launch an entire Baby Phat collection. He brought his wife on board as creative director.

In other words, if she ever did try to walk, Rush would just fire her ass from her own company, Damon Dash-style. I’m sure she would receive some settlement (gotta take care of those kids!), but it wouldn’t be enough to float her high fallutin’ ass for very long. What’s a few million dollars to a woman that uses a solid gold toilet? It’s no wonder, then, that it was announced in a matter of days that the two of them weren’t actually getting divorced after all.

The whole time, Rush didn’t bother to keep it like a secret (I know) that he was dropping it off in the damn fine-looking Denise Vasi, as well as, possibly, that weird, hairly-looking broad from America’s Next Top model and any number of other young modeling chicks.

In fact, Rush had probably been getting his Bob Barker on the whole time they were together, knowing good and well he had Kimora, who’s still good for a boink, stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Which is some cold shit.

Predictably, Kimora is pissed and has taken to “accidentally” revealing to the media issues Rush may or may not be having with his unit. Which is really about all she can do at this point. (Maybe she’ll fuck with one of his cars, too.)

“I am happy and wished that Russell and I departed years ago. “Russell and I had outgrown one another years ago and the little blue pill did not help our sex life.” she said.

“This is off the record, oh hell you can report it, Russell was awful in bed!!!”…We will continue our business relationship and we will both be active in our kids lives, but the romance is what?…Over!!!”

Which sounds less than likely to me. Nullus. Granted, Rush is an old-ass man – even a bit older, in fact, than both of my parents. But I find it hard to believe that such a stud would ever have a hard time performing in the sack. You wonder if it ever occurred to her that maybe he was having a hard time getting it up because he had just climbed down off of something else.

You know he likes ‘em tall.

  • RandomName

    LOL,

    and P.S.

    1st

  • 50 Cent

    Russ is a pimp.

    But on a different note.

    People, southern hip-hop is ruining the community. They are rotting the childrens mind, making them do so called “hood” dances like the “lean wit it, rock wit it”. Southern hip-hop needs to be banned. Only few souhern rappers even have skills. The rest are just destroying this good thing called hip-hop.

    So… SAY NO TO SOUTHERN HIP-HOP IN 06!

  • jrs-one

    LOL @ “getting his Bob Barker on.”

    Bob Barker= true O.G. Dude fires bitches from the showcase if they gain a single pound.

  • http://www.theredlandmusic.com Djeli

    ^^^^ Southern Hip-Hop is not ruining Hip-Hop……. the industry and bad music is. I don’t like 90% of music out period…….. North, South, East, West, Mid-West, Canada, wherever. So to blame bad music on the south when NOBODY is putting out good music is bull shit.

  • dat boy

    Bol you are a funny dude where are you from the east coast man. Cause yall have had some serious dick in the booty issues since the south came on top of the game. And this is where you say some lil funny shit that has nothin to do with the issue. True enough there is more than enough wack shit from the south. And ill admit im from houston and for the longest time could not stand it due to the fact my 1st taste of hip hop was 36 chambers. But back to my point the problem is not with the south making it wack its because the EAST COAST IS FUCKING BORING papoose is good but he sounds no differnt than your average run of the mill b side left over memeber from the boot camp click Jay is my boy he is old and getting out of the game. Camron I dont think we even need to go there EX okey dokey flokey pokey shit is horrible. And granted you would have to shoot me in the foot to make me lean and rock for shit and I cant knock you for your obvious disgust for southern hiphop because frankly yall get the lamest stuff. Mike Jones -wack Paul Wall-wack Chamillonare-old shit was better Slim-same Scarface-still my boy but sometimes feel he is living on his name sake T.I-the boy is fire Outkast-Living Legends UGK-legends always will be Goodie Mob-not hot right now but the shit in there hey day. Now I know like most New New Yorkers you could give to shits what a yokal like me has to say but………………. NEW YORK RAPS THE Fat One since big died and jay retired. Period

  • http://graffitithewritingsonthewall.blogspirit.com/ Spider Goodlegs

    You called Russell “such a stud” and no matter how many nulluses you throw at it I just don’t know how to feel okay with that.

  • http://www.87northmusic.com J. Biz

    Early! ^

  • Danja29

    Cosign DJELI… most of these niggas suck. From everywhere.

    And LMAO @ Kimora- I don’t even really pay attention to shit like that, so I didn’t even know she was airin’ Russell Rush out like that. But how mad can Russ really be, regardless? He’s still bangin’ newer, younger models, and still gettin’ Baby Phat money, AND still got to hit off Sheila E back in the day… oh my fault, that was just in the movie. Scratch that.

  • Lefty 2Gunz

    Probably the most entertaining piece I’ve ever read from you….

    LMAO at this sh!t

    >>“This is off the record, oh hell you can report it, Russell was awful in bed!!!”

    A woman scorned is behind that statement.

    Sorry to tell you Kimora but when you got long dough like Russell dimes could give a damn about how good you are in bed.

    Hell she should know… she married him and we all know it wasn’t cause of the stroke! (nullus)

    Some dimes are like nice whips….

    It’s great when you first get’em but sometime after you start eyeballin other whips and occasionally might test drive one or two til you find the next new sh!t.

    One

  • 50 Cent

    I’m calling for a ban of southern hip-hop in 06.

  • johnathan blaze

    Southern rap is simply converting good black people to straight up niggers. It glamorizes NiggerDom. Ditto w/ Dipset.

  • David

    down low bol has been ethered by dj drama. now in this post he’s wondering what another man does with his penis. i guess equal opportunity works out for homos in columnist dept. too…

  • FUCK BOL

    fuck you and fuck xxl.

  • GHOST

    I keep hearing all you niggas talk about southern hip hop . I’m from the south – Miami to be exact. I’m the first to say I hate that Laffy Taffy shit as well as all the other garbage. But if you New York niggas wanna blame someone then place the blame on Puffy and the other cats who simplified the game when New York had it in their hands. Blame yourselves for not being original. Cappadonna said it years ago “Half the East Coast sounding just like Rae”. I love that good ol’ east coast shit but lets be real yall niggas aint got the same creativity like you had in the nineties when you were dropping a hot new album every month. Some of the best lyricists in the south never got that chance because of your stronghold on the game back in the day. Take time to clown everyone who is making wack shit. Ex. ‘Camron and his nursery rhymes’. When the West had it yall said the same. If you want to be true to hip hop do that but dont expect platinum sales, Puffy already rewrote the book and what did New York do?. They put an R&B chick on every single, now niggas “singing” they own fucking hooks, the shit is pathetic. You niggas sat back and let Puff destroy the game and now you mad-oh but I forgot he from New York so its OK. And please stop with the bullshit about you rocking gold fronts first cause the niggas around my way been rocking golds way before there was a Flava Flav and Slick Rick on the TV screen. Is there any thing else you want credit for? DAMN!!!

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  • Philly Black

    LMAO!!! funny!

  • BIG”G”RIDE

    Russell Simmons is a motherfucking “PIMP” that bitch is not going anywhere and as far as him gitting it up, that is all a bitch can try and say to hurt a player. Handle you business “PIMP”.

  • jonjon–23

    Russell Simmons didn’t get to presidential status by being an ordinary lame. He knows that the more cake you have, the more buttons you can push. The bitch aint goin’ no where cause she can’t leave with much, and she has zero pussy power ’cause Russ’ can buy a better bitch…On the subject that southern rap should be banned. You can ban it in your individual car/house. Are you from New York? Probably so. That’s why yall niggas fell so hard because of attitudes like yours. Stop feeling that sense of entitlement and arrogance and concentrate on making shit people want to hear. Just cause they doin’ their thing with their own slang and style doesn’t give you the right to diss because it’s not like yours. If you keep that thought process you will surely fall—OOOPS! To late.

  • tynitty

    yeah the south is destroying hip hop glorifying drugs that shit is old drugs aint even that big a thing in da hood as it youst to be now you get all these wack southern rappers talkin that flipin birds and snowman BS they don’t know that corner drug dealing aint glamourous at all i lived and seen him in the early to mid 90s they never had that much cash flo as you would think from these Videos………….everybody should be ashamed that the last music that made us feel good about ourselves was public enemy, and brand nubian,and even early tupac but its 06 that was almost 15 years ago ban southern hip hop in 06

  • http://yahoo.com She

    WOW- first time reading u’r blog Mr.Crawford and I must say KUDos!
    u’r hilarious (& so real.)

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