Mothers Day reality check

As my own baby’s mother Tara Henley mentioned in her typically earth-shattering post today, there’s no shortage of songs in hip-hop where some jig raps about how his mother was the only one who would take care of him. If there’s one sacred cow left in hip-hop, other than the Jews that run it, it’s the black single mother. I wonder why this is the case.

First of all, a distinction should be drawn between women who are true single mothers and women who would be better categorized as unwed mothers. There probably aren’t as many real, according to Hoyle single mothers in hip-hop as you’d think. P. Diddy’s mother was a true single mother. 2Pac’s mother? Not so much.

A woman who somehow lost her husband and hence is left to raise a child by herself is the true salt of the earth. But a woman who had a baby by a man who just so happened to be in and out of jail for the weekend is nothing but a worthless whore. Lumping these tramps in with widows and the like is a disservice to true single mothers everywhere.

The distinction is key because only the true single mother came to find herself in that situation through no fault of her own. In an age of relatively easy and inexpensive access to family planning services, I don’t know that a man has any real moral obligation to take care of a child he didn’t want in the first place. He may be compelled to legally, but even this is a matter up for debate.

In the recent series of New York Times articles about the crisis currently facing black men in this country, it was mentioned that one of the reasons so many black men shy away from legal forms of employment is that as soon as they start pulling a legit paycheck, the government takes damn near all of it for child support. In one famous case, a guy was left with $.50 after the baby’s mother took her share.

While unwed mothers deserve credit for taking care of their children, often with assistance from taxpayer’s dollars, they also deserve a certain degree of scorn for being one of the main reasons so many of these jigs don’t have fathers in the first place. It’s no wonder so many of them are growing up to be crack dealers and AK-toting PCP addicts.

If I was a rapper, I’d make a song about that.

  • nocal

    I can’t wait for all the “YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT A MAN’S MOMMA!!!” posts.

    • Anonymous

      magnum up or pay up suckers ya’ll ain’t never gonna b shit, pussy in ya face with puss bubbles assholes!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • SY Young

    you made alot of good points,, when i broke up wit my babys mom they were trying to take half of my check and im a young man from the hood with a decent job, i went to community college aka Higher school.. and my baby mom is still one of those girls who dont want to grow up which was the reason we broke up in the first place.. so i got back with her (honestly just because of the money and because of my daughter) and now everytime i get into and arguement with her she brings up child support. like im stuck i love being a father but if i choose to leave im the jerk and she can sit back and take my money instead of getting a job like my mama did.

    p.s.. what the hell is nullus?

  • Danja29

    Sometimes I’m led to think you really have some pent-up anger towards Black women.

    Were you abused as a child, scared to smile, they called you ugly???

  • Fuck ya

    iono bol i might have to disagree with you on some of this stuff…its true the woman that have husbands that die and they cant get child support…yea they probably work 10 times harder than my mom who gets child support…but u kno i believe in both situations they brake there neck u kno…i wouldnt say they are worthless…its kinda hard taken care of a kid without a father i guess…shit iono….and child support is a bitch…ask mos def and juvenile that.

  • MosBang

    Lumping these tramps in with widows and the like is a disservice to true single mothers everywhere.
    Perfect!!!

    A lot of these black women need to read this article and wake up. O this on is going to rub a few bitches the wrong way, and they deserve it. Cause if they were real women they would understand and not take offense. Only a “worthless whore” would get mad.

  • Cuse
  • Roc the Trashman

    Another post just to stir people up. Getting old.

  • Stingy

    Check Casual’s last album “Smash Rockwell” for the song, “Single Mother”. And also the other dozen or so songs by various hip hop acts that pay homage to their “single mothers”.

    and. C’mon, they actually let you write shit like this: “a woman who had a baby by a man who just so happened to be in and out of jail for the weekend is nothing but a worthless whore.”

    I understand autonomy, dog. But that shit is so unfounded.

  • Therapist

  • http://www.myspace.com/writeonpointmagazine janice

    You’ve actually made some good points in your own little way…..

  • MsDiagnostix

    You are an absolute genius.

    Thank you.

  • YUNG WORLD

    You are just a corny ass dude and everytime you have a good topic you fuck it up you take someone else’s topic and fuck it up so you are the 50cent of xxl you try to get people to read with a good title it works but is a paycheck really worth not being able to show your face in certain places or looking over your shoulders you just called 50 percent of the women in the world whore’s thats not cool it takes a real woman to raise a child that wasn’t planned my mother and father were married and seperated do you pay attention to real american history the government wanted a generation full of bastards and dudes like you are gonna create more because of your comments your suppose to encourage your people, your nothing but a crab tryna pull all the people above you down your jealous you chased the american dream of getting a colege degree and got nothing to show for 4 years of work but stop writing about people doing something and he;p out the youg ones you call bastards get out and do something instead of just crticizing but thats what critics do you are what I call a talker alot of mouth but no action do something stop tryna be successfull for hating on people and dget your own success and thats is the realest talk that has been in any of your blogs and I have a real job
    COWARD

  • http://myspace.com/cirespot Yung “Cee-Eye” So Fly

    Real talk. Here’s my definition.

    Ghostface’s “All that I got is you”–Definition of a real single mother tryin to make it.

    Baby Mommas–too lazy, or triflin’ to go out and do it like the woman referenced in the song above.

    That is all.

  • http://xxlmag.com Bol

    >You are just a corny ass dude and everytime you have a good topic you fuck it up

    Ethered.

  • DJ Mydas

    If you were a rapper, you wouldn’t be wasting my time with these stupid-ass, unqualified blogs.

  • DJ Mydas

    If you were a rapper, you’d have real talent and wouldn’t be wasting my time with these stupid-ass, unqualified blogs.

  • Lefty 2Gunz

    You know…. it’s lot of hard workin men out there being taken advantage of by baby mammas. These broads get to sit on their asses and take money from a dudes check cause they say they can’t make it.

    Here’s an idea….GET A JOB! Too many of these women get to paint the picture of the man being the bad guy when it’s the other way around.

    Dont do what she says…child support,
    Find a better woman…..child support,

    Then the child support dept. has the nerve to only count actual cash that you give your baby mama as support.

    Maybe I’m wrong but diapers, food, toys etc… all go towards giving a child what they need and that’s what the women are supposed to be using it for right.
    So why the hell doesn’t any of that matter when they take into account what a man has done for their child and how much he should pay a month?

    We all know there’s some dead beat dads out there but most of these child support orders come from a woman scorned and nothing else.

    I think a woman should be required to have a job and keep one for a certain amount of time before they can just up and say they need more money cause they can’t make it.

  • http://www.myspace.com/lone_Nigerian lone Nigerian

    Y’all know that if you don’t have sex out of marriage that you can usually avoid this whole situation, right?
    Everytime you have sex w/ someone (with or without protection) you are taking a chance. You are taking the chance that you will always have to be in contact with them (no matter how ugly, dumb, ignorant, bol-like they maybe) because of the seed you 2 share. I just want everyone to think about that next time you want to let your little brain instead of your big brain think for you.

  • http://www.fotolog.com/wastoids Motelsicks

    fuck moms!

  • Jt 513Fella

    Some women ruin it for all, but fellas it takes two. So when you all wired-up feelin loose off grey goose, and mary jane use protection put on two if you must. Love is a beautiful thing, sex is a wonderful feelin, and creating life is a blessin. With that said you can work ur ass till death paying child support, or rot behind bars. Think with the big head and not the little one, remember is a night of passion worth a lifetime of pain?

  • daesonesb

    >But a woman who had a baby by a man who just so happened to be in and out of jail for the weekend is nothing but a worthless whore.

    I’m pretty sure you’re wrong. Mad women have one night stands. It is inevitable. They aren’t whores. It’s how single people roll outside of high school mann.

    What is fucked up is that these women aren’t using A) The day after pill, B) CONDOMS, C) Regular Birth Control, D) Abortions, E) Adoptions.

    That is the fucked up part. That a chick would wanna bring to term a pregnancy from some random felon.

    That Chick isn’t a whore though. She just plain isnt thinking. It only takes one unthinking fuck to get knocked up.

    It also doesnt help that dudes are so fuckin adamant about no abortions. Frankly its none of their business.

  • daesonesb

    >It only takes one unthinking fuck to get knocked up.

    ****But many days not thinking to bring a baby through the window of time that it is kosher to have an abortion in.

  • allnice

    Man, these broads are smart man. They get crazy assistance from the government for having a kid, which means they get to save a lot of dough for themselves and put that in their own pocket. I understand that mothers who raise their child without a father also spend money on the kid, but I know that a lot of females will just keep taking from some dude’s paycheck just to spite him for leaving. Because she knows he can get with another chicks, but she still wants him to feel that dagger whenever he gets his check.

    This is why 9-5 wage slaving is so wack because you get taxed and double taxed again if you have child. A lot of cats hustle or find other ways to get dough. I disagree with Bol when he starts dissing chicks because they are using the only method they can to fight back and put a dent in a dude. That power is too tempting to pass up, especially if you are angry and overemotional.

    You gotta wear jimmy hats with these broads man, no joke at all. A lot of kids want to get pregnant for various selfish reasons other than having a beautiful child.

  • king fuckery

    bol is a virgin.

  • YuNg World

    If yur gonna highlight the bad also bring the good to light

    Killer Mike reiterates the sentiment spoken by Proof and those who defend hip-hop as the scapegoat to the violence, citing poverty and oppression as the root cause.

    “I think the biggest insult since Philant has been killed is the [suggestion that] this is somehow rap-related because that doesn’t get to the real problem,” he says. “The real problem is that you have millions of young, angry, disenfranchised Latino, Black and poor white men who don’t have any real hope or outlet for hope.” All they have is envy and hate that they pour into one another. They’re made to feel as if they’re not good enough and that if they buy some shit and put it on, people won’t treat them like they’re poor. And when that doesn’t happen to a disenfranchised Black male, the only thing he’s left with besides all [of the material things] is a lot of pain and anger because the hole that’s in him is not filled up yet. And I believe that that’s the spirit that killed Philant.”

  • rec

    ^cosign

  • Nay Nimley

    I’d like to thank you for getting me through my 8 hour workdays. Can you host my mixtape?? Holla back

  • john cochran

    I’m gald u actually had the balls to write about something like that. I agree with that shit. People always praise these mothers out here but they part of the problem too.

  • emm

    I have to agree with what u are writin, with one exeption:
    “In an age of relatively easy and inexpensive access to family planning services, I don’t know that a man has any real moral obligation to take care of a child he didn’t want in the first place.”
    Tell me u wrote that just to stir up the debate in here, cause you cant possibly mean that protecting yourself from an unwanted pregnancy is only the womans responisibility? If a man dont want a child, there are condoms in every corner store…

  • A Sista

    But, if for the most part the black woman is doing better than the black man – if she’s so screwed up, then what does that say for the black man.. Man up, stop your bitchin and take responsibility for the demise of the black man since the civil rights movement.. I don’t care how many children a black woman has – she has the right to a reasonalbe expectation that the sorry ass coon who impregnated her will atleast be a father to his child even if they can’t sork things out.. This is just another excuse to justify the black mans inability to take personal responsibility.. Over 65% of black men with children are not in their lives in some form, be it spiritually, financially or emotionally.. That number drops to 26% when you combine all other races of men in this country.. How does 8% of this country (the black male population) end up accounting for over 50% of its crime?? Why will 70% of college grads this year be black women?? Why are balck women more employable than black men?? Why will the white man welcome the black woman into his business but not the black man?? Could it be because he’s tired of you coming into his business with one gaol: TO HAVE SEX WITH HIS WOMEN??? Instead of bitchin about the black woman, who is doing mountains better than you, get your head out of the white womans ass and make something of your lives…

  • you know who nigga

    Like ole boy said, if you abort all of the black male babies you’d see the crime rate decrease. True. Their would also be fewer prisons, smaller ghettos and an all around better country! I’m all for free abortions for black women bearing male fetuses.

  • melody

    I think Lone Nigerian makes the best
    sense. The best way to avoid all of
    this mess is the wait until marriage
    before having sex. I find it interesting that no one else has agreed or even responded to that basic
    fact. I have the same belief. That would eliminate so much of the dysfunction that goes on. I am one of those Black women who belives in no sex before marriage, no children before marriage, both parents raising their child, and for people to be financially secure before bringing children into the world.

  • whatever

    i’d just like to point out that child support is 100% about the child, and not about the custodial parent, so “she” is not taking your money, bro, your child is taking your money. if you don’t want to pay support, fight for custody. if you don’t want to be a father, WEAR A CONDOM, you dumb fucking irresponsible NIGGER!

    that said, it’s called an ABORTION, you dumb black cunts! you obviously can’t get enough of fucking greasy black buck dick, and yet you’re too “christian” to have an abortion. well, guess what? christians don’t have sex out of wedlock, bitches, so can the hyposcisy and start preventing poverty/crime/despair, etc., etc., etc.

    the first step in being a good mother is choosing a good father. it’s that simple, whore. those lazy, worthless men you fuck who don’t take responsibility for their children are the men you CHOSE to fuck and breed with. you are NO better than they are.

    i swear the only thing i hate more than men are the women that keep giving birth to them.

  • http://yahoo.com Beantown

    Amen to that whatever, amen, Stupid ass niggers aint smart enough to realize their the fucking responsible ones for their fucking actions, you get a fucking bitch pregnant, bravo, and dont complain about having to pay child support, it was your dick in her pussy and your sperm that made the baby so fuck up and pay you fucking morons.

    And for the fucking black bitches who have the nerve to complain, i should slap the shit out of you. How dare you, how fucking dare you complain. Science has made new useful inventions. Inventions such as a pill, that they call birth control if you fucktards didnt know. If that faggot wont pay child support, then its your fault you made a bad investment in a degenerated nigger and you opened your god damned legs. Aint no one to blame except all those moronic fucktard black men i mean niggers and black women, my mistake i mean bitchass fucking whores

  • http://www.facebook.com DEDICATION

    OH MY FUCKING GOD ARE U GUY’S FUCKING SERIOU I NEVER HEARD SO MUCH BULLSHIT IN MY LIFE I NO I’M KINDA LATE BUT I JUST HAD TO COMMITTE BECAUSE I NO ALOT OF BLACK WOMEN THAT HAD A CHILD FOR A MAN AND THEY DON’T DO SHIT FOR THEM. I HAVE A COUPLE OF COUSIN THAT HAD BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK THAT DOESN,T MEAN THAT THEIR WHORES THAT MEAN’S THAT THEY JUST GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE LOVE GAME AND ONCE THEY RELATIONSHIP WENT SOUR THE NIGGA HAS DONE SHIT FOR THEIR CHILD. MY COUSIN WORKS TWO FUCKING JOB SHE DOESN,T GET ANY ASSISTANCE AND HIS STUPID ASS IS NOT ON CHILD SUPPORT SHE ASK HIM TO HELP WITH SOME SCHOOL CLOTHES FOR HIS CHILD HE COULDN’T EVEN DO THAT. MY OTHER COUSIN HAS TWO CHILDREN BY THE SAME BABY DADDY SO U NO THAT SHE IS NO WHORE HE DOES NOT DO SHIT FOR HIS TWO KID’S EITHER SHE WAS UNEMPLOYED AROUND CHRISTMAS EASON THAT MOTHERFUCKER DIDN’T BY THE CHILDREN SHIT DON’T CALL DON’T DO SHIT IF IT WASN’T FOR THE FAMILY THEY WON’T HAD SHIT BUT IF THAT WAS ME I WOULD HAVE BUST THAT MOTHERFUCKER HEAD NIGGA’S KILL ME IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOUR LIL MONEY AND TRUST ME IT’S LIL IT TAKES MORE THAN YOUR LIL $100 A MONTH TO RAISE A CHILD TRUST ME I WISH A MOTHERFUCKER WOULD TRY TO PLAY ME LIKE THAT AND THANK HIS ASS IS GOING RIDE AROUND ON RIMS AND SHIT THAT SHIT WILL BE ON FOUR FLATS EVERY MONTH YO ASS GONNA KICK IN SOME MONEY SOME WAY THEN YALL ASS WANT TO GET MAD WHEN THE CHILD GROWS UP AND DON’T LIKE YO DUMB ASS DON’T BLAME THE MOMMA THEN BECAUSE YOU CHOOSE TO NOT SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILD BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY THAT’S BETTER THAN MONEY TRUST ME STUPID BITCHES FUCK BLOG AND HIS MOMMA TO NASTY BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!SEL

  • Kim

    Your definition of a “true” single mom seems somewhat distorted!! Making a bad choice doesn’t make her a whore-lol. Any man who plants his seeds as if he’s planting a garden throughout the city of the universe (boychild) deserves partial blame, as well.

    Because it looks good doesn’t mean its good for you. A real man protects himself and the woman he’s with even if its for a short time…both parties are to blame.

  • Raven

    The author hit a hot topic thats finally been coming up in recent years. Since 1995 here in texas, these single mothers have had children out of wedlock for reasons of self-gain, yet some do have “accidents” there are women out there that will purposely get pregnate in order to get by life’s reality. In respect to the real single moms that work they’re butt off without seeking anyones help I honor you. But ive seen it up close mostly in Black females(i dated white females which always seem to have an alternative to having a child if it was out of wedlock, they take the other options Adoption, BIRTHCONTROL, and if they have to they’ll get an Abortion) Yet when it comes to Black females they see this and use this as an OPT to do the “HOOD-RAT COME UP” having a mindset “well if i cant have him no one else will if i have a baby by him” Texas pays a woman up to $1000 in TANF/WIC plus other assistance if the WOMAN has more than 1 child out of wedlock she can also get SECTION 8 which ends up basically a free house. Nothing she has to pay back. thats the main reason i see black women having kids these days for lower-rent vouchers, food, and more when child support kicks in yea it “SUPPOSELY IS” for the child how ever its not tracked where the real money went. Texas has adopted a Child-support Debit card for these tracking purposes, but statics are still out for those opting to take it.. i wonder why? Instead they say “send me a check instead” It should be Mandatory. With womens rights groups fuming over pro-choice/LIFE rights and Mens groups now getting attention this debate i feel is just only getting started. Maybe someday there will be Sweeping National Family Laws that can even out this conflict. BUSH IS MAKING THESE “NEW WELFARE QUEENS WORK”, but there are still loopholes .Until then i would recommend to just not get with any woman who is not meeting you on a same equal level(education,Mentality, stability,employment ..not counting stripping..and Morals) without a doubt you have to admit there are some Bad mothers out there , killing kids, custody disputes, MAURY PERTAINITY SHOWS etc. However there are GOOD black men that do get burnt by these types of women, Why is it more common that single black women-mothers get with goons that are drug dealers, hustlers, ’cause they want to be taken care of. If she doesnt have her own she’s gonna use what she can to get what she wants. I pay child-support and yea it hurts but i look at it like this.. While im working, im getting far more employment experience surpassing any college applicant due to tenure,Knowledge, Credibility,AND Proving im a FIT parent than she. meanwhile she’s chasing her next catch to have another kid. who loses out in the end children do. but again these women DO NOT think of the children 1st. if so they would not have BORN them INTO poverty in the 1st place. With this experience each time i look at black women here in dallas, i say to myself” what was the real reason she has 2,3,4 kids?” its all about knowing .. are you willing to work for what you want in life? OR are you willing to fuck who u can to get what you want in life? I will never be a man taking care of some kids that are not mine WHY ITS MY CHOICE, I SHOULD NOT BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE YOUNG HOODRATS HAVING THESE KIDS WHEN I DONT KNOW THEM AT ALL (but hey my taxes does anyway). I WILL NEVER DATE A BLACK/WHITE woman with kids where the bio-logical father is not present in the kids life in the 1st place you’re just asking for becoming a step father EASY SIGNAL although they’ll deny they trying to find a father figure some will give plenty of “FEEL SORRY FOR ME STORIES”. If we black men stopped dating/fucking women who already has a young babies eventually it could get in their heads to stop abusing us and the system. never trust a big bootie and a smile. but Paybacks are a Bitch and in Dallas recently about 82% on new HIV/AIDS cases are coming from these same types of BLACK WOMEN which are heterosexual. perfect ammo to use in a custody case. no matter what WE are stuck with our fuckups and i only have 6 more years of support to give so all that she did it for was a $200/month check. THINK my brotha’s our sista’s are the ones that have made hip-hop into what it is today, if not their sales on the charts wouldnt be an indicator and no matter who wants to deny it. Rap is VERY INFLUENTIAL to the NEW YOUNGSTERS THAT GREW UP WATCHING BET AKA”BET BABIES” if they changed their messages maybe inturn it can change our minds..
    peace
    -”A raven that whispers in your ear”

  • lashawn

    what are u talking about? R u a man or woman. Doesn’t matter because you’re definitely ignorant. So you’re saying that all women who weren’t married before they got pregnant was dating a jail-bird? Check yourself. I’m currently a student taking Sociology which you clearly haven’t taken. Every situation is different, so for you to generalize any situation is called ignorance. That same woman who was married and lost her husband due to a death may have gotten pregnant by another man. Just because they were married doesn’t mean that the baby is his. I know about this situation personally because it happenened to my uncle who has 2 paternal kids, but test proved that the third kid isn’t his but the court ordered him to pay child support anyway because he’s been taking care of the child since she was born. Basicallly, the point is I don’t care what the circumstances were before the child was born, every man and woman should take care of their own. Get back at me, I hate to see your mind continuing to be ignorant and I pray that it doesn’t spread. You just giving dead-beats an excuse to not be responsible.

  • DHLite

    truth

  • Does it matter?

    and your black coon ass is perpetuating all that you stated by not being a part of your own childs life.

    you are a weak sorry ass excuse for a man – regardless of race. you are an example of another black “male” trying to skirt personal responsibility and accountability. good riddens with all of your kind.

    when your kind is gone – the world will be a better place.

  • You’re a Joke

    This is old as hell and I just came across it and a reason to stay away from this site.

    You made the point, the wrong way, but you made it. This is “an age of relatively easy and inexpensive access to family planning services” and men have always had the EASIEST form of birth control at their disposal (condoms). The bottom line IS and always WILL BE that if a man doesn’t want to have a child wrap that shit up and stop blaming women for your shortcomings and inability to take responsibility for your actions.

    If YOU know you don’t want to have a child, then YOU stop making the woman responsible for YOUR desires. It appears that the men are the stupid whores if they don’t bother to protect themselves and leave themselves at the mercy of a woman they don’t even love. Dummy

  • You’re a Joke

    This is old as hell and I just ran across it and maybe even a reason to stay away from this site if this is its voice.

    You made the point. The wrong way of course, but still. This is “an age of relatively easy and inexpensive access to family planning services”. Men have hat the easiest least expensive form of family planning for more than 50 years. Condoms. If men KNOW they don’t want a child or a commitment to a woman, then MEN should wrap that shit up and take responsibility. Don’t blame women for your shortcomings. You know you want to roll, but you give up your LIFE for a fleeting feeling and you call women dumb whores? Wrap it up, Dummy.

  • funinthesun

    woah someone needs to shoot u.