Beat Them Charges Like Rocky
Look, folks, my point is that I don’t believe this is a low point in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull before a comeback. I mean, it’s like the movie Rocky. Alright? The President, in this case, is Rocky Balboa, and Apollo Creed is everything else in the world. It’s the tenth round. He’s bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case, I guess, would be the Vice President, he’s yelling, “Cut me, Dick, cut me!” And every time he falls, everyone says, “Stay down, Rocky! Stay down!” But does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he—actually loses in the first movie. Okay, doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter.
You may notice that I’m writing less and less about hip-hop around here these days, and there’s a good reason for that, children. Due to my exclusive, newly-minted contract(a) with XXLMAG.com, I now receive .00000253 cents for every hundredth hit on this site. Plus two mentions per year in Elliott “Ride Wit Us Or Collide Wit US” Wilson’s editorial column. (And, if you didn’t know, that translates into beaucoup punnany, fruit flies.) Sure, he may own my publishing, but what’s that really worth?
The point is, this blog now pays for my RabbitShare addiction, new sneakers (it’s gonna be a hot summer, children), generik Viagra and loosies. All the loosies I want.
And, as the IMF-sponsored development of any Third World nation will tell you, you focus on the important stuff first. Then, once every distended belly has been provided with porn and cigarettes, you move on to the important stuff: Celebrity gossip. And politics. Ditto.
(Besides, if you’re checking this site on the weekends, you get what you deserve.)
If you haven’t heard, which you probably haven’t, the funniest and most important thing to happen on the internets this past week happened in real life: Stephen Colbert (that’s French, you know), host of the “fake”(b) news program, The Colbert Report took it to George “Friend of the Negro” Bush, in his grill at the White House, marking the first time that G-Dub has been confronted with a direct problem he had to weather without a speechwriter since Tom Cruise asked him to bum a line(c). Because, if you didn’t know, which you probably should, the mainstream media is full of poultry-shiite jizzcatchers that are selling out the future of this planet in the name of making the payments on their Jaguar XK’s. You can look it up.
— Neva Chonin, as always, speaks truthiness to power.
— Democracy Now’s transcript of Colbert’s “blistering performance mocking George Bush.”
— See Bush squirm, wish Tom Cruise was around and ask who the cuff invited this guy? while a Colbert skit plays: You figured me out! You got me red-handed!
— And, finally, the crafty(d) Asian men at Poplicks have a partial transcript and downloadable video available here.
Colbert straight eviscerated the Bushies(e), which undoubtedly means that his next private flight to go down without a trace, a la Oceanic 815. Word to Paul Wellstone. Mixaphorically speaking.
This all, of course, leads us to our question of the day: With the price of cigarettes so cheap everywhere by New York & New Jersey, do other states actually need to sell loosies?
(a) And they laughed at me when I went to Notary Public Academy.
(b) As opposed to the “real” news put out by FOX and Suckers Online doing Hip-Hop.
(c) My legal team has advised me to inform you that, never having attended a skiing party with Maverick and our Commander-and-Thief, there is little way for me to verify this statement.
(d) Their great work makes our Happy Meals possible.
(e) It helps if you actually pay attention to the shenanigans of the Administration to get the references.