That’s right, sports fans: The NBA playoffs are here. Which means on the nightly, you can catch me and the wife flopped down on the living room couch enjoying the action. She’s riding with Avery and the Mavericks while your boy YN just wants some crunch-time games, a buzzer beater or two and somehow, someway a team to step and save us from the impending Pistons-Spurs snoozefest.
Equally dismal as that thought, is many of these jump-shooting athletes continued obsession with trying to be MCs. Yeah, it’s been long documented. These big niggas love to spit and they sound like shit. Still there have been some moments in NBA Hip-Hop that deserve to be documented. And who better to put it all together, than the man right chea. So grab your ear-plugs, turn up the volume and rock these funky joints.
YN’s B-Ball Raps Volume 1
Allen Iverson, oops, we mean, Jewelz “40 Bars” (2001)
How ’bout some hardcore? A.I. got the answer
B-Baller Quotable: “Come at with me faggot tendencies/You’ll be sleeping where the maggots be.” Ouch!
Allen Iverson feat. Harlem World & Mysonne “Pay Per View” (1999)
Murder Mase assists the murder raps.
B-Baller Quotable: “True baller/I fuck and you call her/I bust nuts and you spoil her.” Carm down, I mean calm down.
Shaquille O’Neal feat. Nas, Jay-Z & Lord Tariq “No Love Lost” (1996)
The big guy brought the mega-powers together on wax, that is, until Nas vocals were removed.
B-Baller Quotable: “What’s the meaning of life?/Y’all should know/In my lifetime, I need a whole lot of dough.” Swagger jacker!
Shaquille O’Neal “How To Rob The NBA” (2004)
Taking a page out of 50′s book, Kazaam talks greasy on the comp.
B-Baller Quotable: “I got three rings fool/Yao Ming, who?/Y’all don’t realize what y’all facin’/'Cause I’ma catch Lebron at the graduation.”
Shaquille O’Neal feat. Money Mark “You Not The Fighting Type” (2004) [audio:http://www.xxlmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/04/shaqnotthefightin56K.mp3]
Superman channels Slim Shady and lets it out his true feelings.
B-Baller Quotable: “Even with wings you never fly as me/You remind me of Kobe Bryant tryin’ to be high as me (punk)/But you can’t, even if you gettin’ me traded/Wherevever I’m at, I’m Puffy, you Mase and you still hated (message)/I heard your little interview and what Ben Walllace said/I ain’t got no response for spider-web head.” Duck down!
Tony Parker feat. Fabolous & Booba “Top of the Game” (2005)
F-A-B-O with the S-P-U-R who’s twistin’ out E-V-A.
B-Baller Quotable: I don’t understand that Frenchie shit. Je m’appelle Elliott Wilson. La Maison. That’s about it.
T-Hud (a.k.a. Timberwolves Troy Hudson) feat. Twista, Beelow & Crucial Conflict “Killa Noize” (2004)
A Mid-West mess.
B-Baller Quotable: “I ain’t a killer but don’t push me/Do you feel Troy?” Swagger Jacker 2!
Kobe Bryant feat. 50 Cent & Broady Boy “Thug Poet” (2000)
With Nas on the hook, Mr. 81 is out for lyrics to represent him. But even Fif’s Trackmaster favor can’t help.
B-Baller Quotable: “Kick in the do’ wavin’ the flow-flow/All you heard was stop, can’t take the hits no more.” Swagger Jacker 3!
Kobe Bryant feat. Beanie Sigel, Black Thought & Broady Boy “Philly’s Finest (a.k.a. Philly Live)” (2000)
Eat your hearts out Eve and Charli.
B-Baller Quotable: “The hottest man since Satan.” Lord have mercy.
Brian McKnight feat. Kobe Bryant & Tone “Hold Me (Trackmasters Remix)” (1997) [audio:http://www.xxlmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/04/brianmcknightkobe56K.mp3]
KB shows a little sensitivity.
B-Baller Quotable: “I refuse to weep/Yet when I sleep I feel tears trickling down my cheek.” Oh!
Allure feat. Ron Artest “I Feel So” (2004)
He signed them so, of course, he can put himself on the record.
B-Baller Quotable: “I roar when we do it raw like ti-gers.” Ron-Ron’s an animal.
Ron Artest “Make a Wish” (2000)
God please make him a better rapper.
B-Baller Quotable: “I wish people would stop tellin’ me to get out the hood.” Queensbridge, stand up.
Chris Webber feat. Kurupt “Gangsta! Gangsta! (How U Do It)” (1999) [audio:http://www.xxlmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/04/webbergangsta56K.mp3]
C Dub gets a pass to take it to the Westside.
B-Baller Quotable: “Been with many bitches but never been turned out.” Take that, Tyra!
Chris Webber feat. Redman “Nuttin’ ta Do” (1999) [audio:http://www.xxlmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/04/NuttinTaDo.mp3]
This guy really likes to play pass the mic with his favorite rappers.
B-Baller Quotable: “I’m at home to relieve the stress/I’m on some big breasts/Thumpin’ out my treasure chest.” Sex for the sport of it?
Brian Shaw “Anything Can Happen” (1994)
It takes a retired player to come with the best material. This cat’s been through more drama than 50 or a Baldwin.
B-Baller Quotable: “A lot of people be likin’ to say that they down with me/But ain’t nann one of them folks lost their whole damn family.”
Jason Kidd feat. Money B “What the Kidd Didd” (1994)
Oh, no he diddn’t!
B-Baller Quotable: “J Kidd kickin’ ass like Jim Kelly.” We’re scared.
Gary Payton “Livin’ Legal and Large” (1994)
GP’s slow flow can you put to sleep.
B-Baller Quotable: “That’s real/We all know the deal/And for those who criticize I’m not tryin’ to be Shaquille.” Thanks for the clarity.
Dana Barros & Cedric Ceballos featuring Sadat X, Grand Puba & AG “Ya Don’t Stop” (1994)
The only true NBA Hip-Hop posse cut powered by Diamond D production.
B-Baller Quotable: Barros’ “Used to be a mad Supersonic but they fronted/Kicked to the east up in Philly now I run it.” That was until, A.I. came to town.
E-40 “Record Haters” (1996)
A future Piston gets the gas face.