Pimp C: Legendary Shermhead

"Nigger you smoke enough sherm, your dumb ass will do a lot of motherfucking things. You'll be in there sucking niggers' dicks!" -- Samuel L. Jackson in True Romance

Not to belabor an issue, but I finally got through reading the comments from those Bun B posts and I think there are a few points there that have yet to be made clear. Also, I was "ethered" again - this time by the world's most woefully inept southern hip-hop site - so my hope here is to salvage what's left of my credibility as a journalism legend before it's too late. My landlord called and said if I continue to get "ethered" like this, I should consider finding another place to live.

First of all, I notice a few of you bags, both in the comments here and at The People's Web Site are suggesting that I wouldn't have the balls to go in Pimp C's face and tell him that a) that he's a violent, drug-addicted criminal who should only be behind bars, and b) he's obviously the weak link in UGK. Um, hello? Not to invoke the language of the oppressor, but it takes someone who spends a lot of time arguing about rap on Internet message boards, as if this was the late '90s, to suggest that there's any virtue in not being afraid of an armed, drug-addicted convicted felon.

You know what kind of people aren't afraid to enter into an argument with a delusional, AK-toting PCP addict? The dead niggers you see on the evening news day in and day out.

Also, there's been a lot of confusion as far as what actually went down in the mall. Some unnamed individual who claims to know Pimp C is very adamant about the fact that it wasn't in fact an AK-47 that Pimp C was carrying, but some other form of hand cannon. It's worth noting that I did actually read somewhere that the gun was an AK, rather than just making it up, and that this guy's main reasoning is that it would be rather difficult to tuck an AK-47 into a fur coat. But whatever. I'm willing to concede that point.

I wouldn't know because I don't own either a fur coat or an AK-47, but I wonder what difference it would make one way or the other. The bottom line is, this jig was walking around the mall fried on "ace" with some form of fire arm tucked inside his coat. Nothing good could have possibly come of that situation. The fact alone that he was walking around in a fur coat in motherfucking Texas lets me know he's not playing with a full deck. And don't even try to give me that "it's a dry heat" bullshit. There's oppressive and then there's oppressive. Texas is motherfucking oppressive.

As far as what actually went down in the mall, obviously it's rather difficult to say for sure, having not been there, but it's still fairly easy to poke holes in Bun B's argument using what us here in the Midwest like to call common sense. We know for a fact that Pimp C went to jail for pulling a gun out on a woman in a mall. Bun B's argument was that a group of people were fucking with Pimp, he pulled a gun out on them, and the woman happened to be the one that pressed charges. You'll have to excuse me if I don't believe hardly a word of this shit.

According to the National Institute of Drug Abuse, the psychological effects of PCP abuse include "illusions and hallucinations" and "effects that mimic certain primary symptoms of schizophrenia, such as delusions, mental turmoil, and a sensation of distance from one’s environment." Given the fact that Pimp C has been on this shit for quite some time, I'm tempted to go with the cops' version of these events. For all we know, Pimp C could've been under the impression that he was being chased through the mall by a gang of angry leprechaun.

The bottom line is, that crazy motherfucker pulled out a gun on a woman, in a mall. That's why his dumb ass did five years in jail.

[Southern rap stans, does this count as "ethering" someone, or do I need to try harder next time?]