When the New York Times ran its story last week on the crisis currently facing young black men, hip-hop's preeminent spam blogger Jay Smooth wondered aloud who would be the first black pundit to blame hip-hop. He always has had a certain flair for the obvious.

Come to find out it was a fellow named Orlando Patterson. Sort of. He doesn't specifically name hip-hop as the reason black men today can't make it, but he refers to the source of the problem as a culture that involves hanging around on the street, getting fucked up, dealing, and reproducing like a pigeon, or a Catholic.

To be sure, black men have been doing all these things for a while before there was even such a thing as hip-hop. I'm no expert on black history, except for Martin Luther King, Jr. of course, but I would imagine there were jigs engaged in these very same activities in Africa dating back to the beginning of time.

That said, it'd be silly to think that hip-hop has nothing to do with this problem today, even if the author of the Times piece damn near goes out of his way to not mention the term. Hip-hop is largely responsible for the crisis currently facing black men.

And by hip-hop, of course, I'm not referring to the alleged art form that involves d-bags vandalizing buildings with spray paint and Asian dudes sitting around in their bedrooms figuring out how to do tricks with a turntable.

No that would be hip-hop the $8 gozillion marketing plan created largely by TIs at corporations like Time Warner and Viacom, which involves Sprite, shiny car rims, clean white tennis shoes, and what have you. And since this is XXL, I suppose I should mention Interscope. So yeah, and Interscope.

As Orlando Patterson (a jig name if there ever was one) nailed in his op-ed piece this weekend, so many jigs these days wonder what use an education is when the lifestyle that's glorified in so many rap videos can be had (sort of) for the shitty money you make dealing hand to hand.

As he so elequently put it:

SO why were they flunking out? Their candid answer was that what sociologists call the "cool-pose culture" of young black men was simply too gratifying to give up. For these young men, it was almost like a drug, hanging out on the street after school, shopping and dressing sharply, sexual conquests, party drugs, hip-hop music and culture, the fact that almost all the superstar athletes and a great many of the nation's best entertainers were black.

Fuck going to high school!

Honestly, having completed both high school and college, I feel kinda gypped myself, especially since I have no money to show for it. I need to be getting fucked up - and fucked - more often. No homo. The fucked up part you can be sure I'll be taking care of later this evening.

That other concern is going to require a women - not a particularly special one, but hopefully one that understands and is willing to take certain measures to meet a man's needs. If that woman is you, I think you know where to find me. Again, no homo.