21 Thought Salute

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1. Apparently rappers are still referring to themselves as “your boy.” (You know: “It’s your boy Lil’ Guzzle Watt. . .”) That shiite is wack. I don’t know you, I don’t listen to your music and, in many cases, I’ve never even heard of you. You’re not my boy. And I’d appreciate it if you would stop misleading the public as to the true nature of our relationship. (No whatever-whatever.)

2. D4L employs some seriously circular and fallacious logic when they taunt “I bet you can’t do it like me.” I mean, who said I want to do it like you in the first place? Where are you getting this information? Have you done your research? I think not.

3. Apparently Cuba was playing against Puerto Rico in some sort of World Baseball Classic and this was televised on US television. I just don’t get this. I thought Cuba was led by a Beard that the US Government has been trying to kill since before I was born and full of bad, bad people whom this country is intent on starving to death. Someone please explain this to me.

4. You can’t ban the Snowman. But, apparently, you can lock him up. Ford Taurus pull up, everybody run. . .

Free Pimp C C Murder Young Jeezy.

5. Apropos of nothing, just last week I was wondering what happened to the homey Matt “Flock Of Seagulls” Diehl. Now I know. Some of you idiots should cop it when it drops. I’m not co-signing on the pig, but I’m sick of reading your ill-informed, monochromatic, non-textured opinions and would prefer to have you a bit more educated before you start bringing down the level of discourse in comments sections across the globe.

6. Speaking of which, 96.8% of you internetting philosophers are out of your league when talking about what is and isn’t snitching. Just shut up. It’s better to let everyone think you a fool than to start flapping your pie-hole and prove them right.

7. Not sure why or how the Clipse have “crossed-under” other than the fact that you fools are just not listening. Get familiar.

Shoulda known once you saw Pusha rockin’ that tee in the “Drop It Like It’s Hot” clip that these dudes were coming back as beasts. No one is kcuffin’ with them when it comes to verbiage. Not the nickels that got the streets on lock, not that dude from your patch of the sticks that no one’s ever heard of, not your favorite mixtape artist, not your favorite “under-rated” conscious artist, not your man who just came home who was serving everybody on the yard. No one.

8. On a related note, it was not fresh at all to see Clinton Sparks, the lone clappa on stage, not doing much work while the Re-Up Gang did what they do onstage at the Knitting Factory. Made it that much disconcerting to hear Push call himself a modern-day Sambo. (Much better to get word that this page should be looking mighty different quite soon. Kcuf Zomba, Willy Wonka and all that.)

9. When I say “the streets,” I mean the streets. Somewhere along the line half you fools mistook bulletin boards for boulevards.

10. If you know mixing cognac and champagne is not a good look and you continue to do it anyway, you have no one to blame but yourself for what the next morning afternoon looks like.

11. Juvenile’s heart is in the right place, but dangling ostentatious UTP pendants and whatnot in the second half of the “Get Your Hustle On” video strikes me as a misplaced bit of rap machismo. And it’s such a trite cliché, anyway.

12. As a matter of fact, brandishing medallions for the camera is wack. Period. If you that tough/proud of your clique, do it where the stick-up kids play, not on a controlled set. Go ahead. Impress me.

13. Yet, if you’re going to do something different, and flip the cliché on its head and be sexier than a Cesare Paciotti ad while boasting about how you got that nickel to put your name on his arm, well then, go for it. Then, the song doesn’t even have to be all that good.

14. Ain’t no need to play invincible. Gangstas don’t come much bigger than the US President, the Pope or Pablo Escobar and they’ve all caught hot ones. How ‘bout giving these kids something they can actually do something with?

15. Top Republican getting caught stealing at Target = Not gangsta.

Mallon Snyder, a lawyer for Mr Allen, called the arrest and charges “a misunderstanding,” and said he wanted to meet Target investigators to clear things up.

Read: The crook’s suit is going to meet with Target’s suits to find out how much it’ll cost to make this go away.

16. Leave me out of it. The only thing cornier than dudes on a computer arguing about hip-hop is dudes on a computer arguing about dudes arguing about hip-hop. If you want to do something useful with the life and bandwidth you’ve been given, go uncover a CIA agent or something. (Just don’t say I told you to do it because, well, that would be snitching.)

17. He may not be the streets, but Mike Skinner is the truth. Don’t mug yourself.

18. I wonder how long before the suits at Harris/You Tube get a(nother) cease-and-desist letter.

19. It’s gonna be a while before I get the whole cross-promoting thing jumping off properly. Bear with me.

20. All this uproar over Three 6 Mafia and no one is talking about the true travesty: Darnell “Crunchy Black” Carlton was reduced to four bars in the video edit of “Poppin’ My Collar.” Does injustice know no bounds?

21. Drum N Bass + Cocaine = Crazy Delicious (Must be genetic.)

  • http://www.cocaineblunts.com/ noz

    but does this now make you a dude on a computer arguing about dudes on a computer arguing about other dudes arguing about hip hop?

    either way glad to see you’re back in the “BLOGOSPHERES”, kris.

  • http://www.hiphopmusic.com Jay Smooth

    Now THAT’S a debut entry!

  • http://www.abcdrduson.com JB

    Because of you, I’m a blog addict. Glad to read you over here.

  • Stingy

    I think “crossed-under” refers to MY satisfaction of an act performing in a venue where I can actually touch them and not just say, “hey, I was in the same stadium as Clipse on the night they performed. Couldn’t actually touch them or hear the words, but I was there.” Picture me attending a “concert”. Fuck that. Nigga, do a show; in front of my face.

  • Fuck The Dumb Shit

    You must have been skied when you wrote #17, Mike Skinner is straight GARBAGE!!
    Keep that bullshit in the U.K.

  • http://none Dominicant

    Yo, you hatian communist!!!I’ve been screaming that you’re the best fucking writer in the game for years.Thanks for proving me right.

  • don’tworryaboutthat

    concious artist like who?
    Cause Shabaam SAhdeeq(chk out the mxtpe”RECOGNIZE NOW OR REALIZE LATER”) could definetly
    hang with The Clipse…BUT I FEEL THOSE DUDES TOO!
    As FAR AS niggas who use to bang out in the yard:CHK 4 South Jamaica Queen’s
    M.O.P.(well that’s what they call them round way)
    “PROOPH LAKEWOOD” & “WIZE-G” dont buhleeme ask MAIN-O ASK D-DOT !!!!!
    BUT ON THE REAL “Chris-EX” you get a 21 gun salute!!

  • daesonesb

    >>Carlton was reduced to four bars in the video edit of “Poppin’ My Collar.” Does injustice know no bounds?

    he got the same in stay fly too, huh….

    Keep them coming, i like this stuff.