How y’all feeling out there? Maybe y’all ain’t hear me! I said how’s everybody feeling out there? Y’all all right? I’m feeling…incredible. Free like Irv Gotti. I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth: XXL is still #1. We’ve been too strong for too long. A tasket, a tisket watch the others fall off like Limp Bizkit. It makes me no never mind, I’m ahead of my prime.
You’re witnessing history. I’m unstoppable like this month’s cover boys. Thaaattt’s right! I gave the Interscope roster the month off and decided to take it to the streets. It’s only right. A couple of shots couldn’t drop Cam’ron; he took ’em and smiled. Now he’s on the cover of XXL. Seriously, Killa has earned this look by making Dipset the powerful movement he proclaimed it would be. On the other side of town—the ATL to be exact—T.I. faces some stiff competition with the emergence of Young Jeezy. Maybe that’s why the Rubber Band Man has reached out and even toured with the trapper that’s become every rapper’s new favorite artist. It’s a two-for-one, you bums. No 50, a fifty-fifty split. The best of both hoods! Looks like another big seller for the high-yella fella.
You see, the access has been granted. We can have any rapper we want on our cover. But we will only do so if we think it will sell. Just ’cause you move units, got plaques on the wall, and no plaque on your teeth doesn’t mean you’re a good look for us. I don’t do New Year’s resolutions, but I do have a prediction for the next 12 months: A lot of big-time rappers and cocky up-and-comers are gonna get their feelings hurt when they realize they have no chance of getting a cover. Don’t blubber, don’t cry. We gotta stay fly. Just prove us wrong, and we’ll eventually come back for you. Make like Cam and Jeezy, instead of talking greasy.
Speaking of which, shout-outs to all the bloggers and rap Web sites across America—the ones who interviewed me about my album, XXL Raps Vol. 1 (too dope to sit on the shelf), and ran typo-filled interviews, and even the fuckers who didn’t have the courage and/or the skills to post them up. Thanks for wasting my time and yours. I don’t talk too fast—you listen too slow. Yeah, there is unquestionably some talent out there in the Internet world, but y’all got a long, long way to go if you think you’re ever gonna put YN out of business. Matter of fact, things just might go the opposite way.
I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and it’s time I devote some energy to our online brand. Our site, xxlmag.com, is not up to par, but we’re gonna go far. I’m gonna make you check it out all day, every day. Allhiphop is running things. Sohh is still official. But it’s my turn to get in the game. And you know what happens when I step in. I Boss Hogg shit. Humphrey Bogart the weak in the paint, grab the ball and put it in the basket.
Look, I don’t believe in fancy-ass relaunches. Our site is gonna get better a little at a time. I got a long road ahead of me, but I’m in the driver’s seat. I already got the number-one magazine. Why not the number-one hip-hop site? Why not make XXL the place to go for everything hip-hop? Laugh or snap away, but no one ever thought I’d bury “The Bible.” We’ll see where we’re at next year. Until then, stay clear, and live in fear.
Before I go, here’s some news that might scare you. I’m creating another mag that will instantly impact the hip-hop nation, and will one day be as successful as XXL. More on that next month. Gotta keep you assholes guessing. I said it before, and I’ll say it again: You can never contend.
It’s a new year, but some things haven’t changed. XXL and our sister publication King are still on top of the print game. All you other mags still want to be us, but you biting-ass bitches could never see us. The homie Day Teezy got the urban-male-booty-mag game on lock and key and me… I’m just the undisputed kingpin of the hip-hop journalism world. That’s it, that’s all. I talked the talk. I walked the walk. And I won. The title stays at Harris!