Things Samsung Learned About Its Customers From The Release of ‘Magna Carta’

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Earlier today, it was reported that the Electronic Information Privacy Center (or EPIC) was asking the Federal Trade Commission to investigate the recent Jay-Z/Samsung partnership that led up to the early release of Jay’s Magna Carta Holy Grail to Samsung users via a downloadable app. Around the time of the album’s release, rumors swirled that the app asked users for access to their location, storage, system tools, network communications and phone calls. As the FTC conducts their investigations, the inquisitive XXL staff looked into the results of Samsung’s findings and compiled a list of the most important things the company learned about its customers through the Magna Carta app.


 

Many Samsung users had never (and still haven’t) used their Galaxy phones for actual phone calls, leading Samsung to realize that most people bought the phones just to download Magna Carta early.

Of the users who actually have used the Galaxy as a phone before MCHG, the majority of them call their late-night jump-offs more often than they call their parents.

Startlingly, an even larger number of Galaxy users called Dominos Pizza more often than their jump-offs and parents combined.

Male Samsung Galaxy users have an unsettling number of naked pictures saved onto their phones.

Contrary to its anti-Apple advertising campaign, most Samsung Galaxy users are grandparents who went to Best Buy and accidentally bought a Galaxy, thinking it looked and felt pretty much like an iPhone.

Thus, most Samsung Galaxy users are located in Florida’s Palm Beach, Boca Raton and their surrounding areas.

Almost all Samsung Galaxy users utilize its extra-large screen to watch porn.

Most Samsung users knew Jay-Z from his appearance on Justin Timberlake’s hit single “Suit & Tie.”

When downloading the app for Magna Carta Holy Grail, Samsung users assumed they were downloading a historical first-person shooter game where they would unlock a map that was written on the back of the Magna Carta to find the Holy Grail from Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code. 

  • Desmond_Adonis

    Uhhhhhh wtf did I just read?

  • pener

    “Almost all Samsung Galaxy users utilize its extra-large screen to watch porn.” Hahaha

  • CxR

    Uhh shit, it’s not April 1st already is it? This article is even worse than that one about what rapper’s say they are worth VS what they are worth… That used yearly earnings instead of net worth lol.

  • jimmimcb

    clownnnnnennn

  • johneblaze220

    definitely an apple lover…

  • Bobby Hill

    i dont get this shit, is this a joke?

  • Yonnickkkk!

    Its not funny…

  • Samson

    they caught me..

  • Thomas kingi

    qq