A Gift Guide For DJ Khaled, Purveyor Of “Gifts”

khaled-the-sensual-satin-sultan

Last night, a few lucky XXL staffers got to hang out with DJ Khaled, Ace Hood and the rest of the We The Best unit at a listening event for Ace Hood’s forthcoming album Trials & Tribulations. After the listening, we caught up with Khaled to talk about his own impending project, Suffering From Success, which we’ve been hearing a whole lot about. Khaled was quick to divulge that it’s going to be a legendary album, humbly admitting, “I am only recording the best shit ever. I’m not in the studio just recording a record. If it ain’t fucking groundbreaking, I ain’t touching it. I’m taking my time with it.” Needless to say, we can’t wait to hear what he’s come up with.

While on the topic of the album, Khaled touched on his new single “No New Friends,” a moody anthem featuring the dream team of Drake, Rick Ross and Lil Wayne. Khaled believes in the success of the record so much that he exclaimed, “Expect another smash single and I got some gifts in between before I drop the album… I want to call them gifts because not anybody can do what I do,” he boasted. “I gotta call it a gift, you know what I mean?”

We love Khaled, but since he’s always been such a giver, we figured it’d only be right to give back to the man. Here we have some fittingly opulent gift ideas for Khaled, the most opulent man among us…

The Magna Carta re-written in BBQ sauce by the two girls on the cover of Action Bronson’s SAAAB Stories
The pinky ring from the cover of his album Kiss The Ring, which is apparently Busta Rhymes’ ring
Waterproof Jordans
A case of Watermelon Four Loko
The world’s most expensive cigar
A golden goblet filled with bleu cheese crumbles
A chain of his face wearing a smaller chain of Ace Hood’s face
Sausage Biscuits from McDonald’s
A novelty size sneaker/bowl filled with Golden Cookie Crisp cereal
Unlimited half-off coupons to Fuddruckers
Leather “We The Best”-embroidered socks
A vintage Fat Joe bobblehead, circa 2003
A vile of his liquid mojo
A box of leather Tommy Bahama shirts
A wax statue of Ace Hood
An all-gold tooth brush
Louis Vuitton overalls
A bag full of cash
A diamond-encrusted fanny pack
A zebra-skin rug
A panda cub
Luxury box seats to We The Best On Ice
A lifetime supply of Gucci sunglasses and styrofoam cups
A limited-edition Miami Heat sweatsuit
LeBron James’ first-ever headband
A turkey and bacon milkshake
A studded belt with a diamond-emblazoned “LET’S RIDE” buckle
Mink-fur driving gloves
Polo leather boxer-briefs
A jacuzzi full of Doritos Tacos Locos
A portable cotton candy machine
A goblet full of breast milk
A gold-plated loofa
An ostrich feather throw pillow