Five New Job Suggestions for Lyor Cohen

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The track record of Lyor Cohen's music business ventures expand far and wide. Often referred by his peers as the "tall Israeli," Mr. Cohen, who started his career in the music industry as a tour manager for Run-D.M.C., oversaw the historic Def Jam imprint for more than a decade, and has exponentially raised the Warner Music Group's urban division in the past few years. But yesterday (September 24th), the legendary industry veteran announced his departure from his post as the CEO and Chairman of Warner Music Group. It's still unclear where he'll re-surge, but being the boss that he is, XXL expects he'll be making a worthy comeback. In the meantime, here's a list of job suggestions he should consider. —XXL Staff (@XXL)

Stumping for President Obama on the Campaign Trail

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President Barack Obama is often regarded as the first hip-hop president. With his ties to the culture so close, it'll be more than welcoming to have someone who's done many presidential thuggery in the hip-hop music industry, to openly cosign his campaign. Enter: Lyor Cohen, whose post at Def Jam, and Warner Music Group has earned millions for many artists and employees... and himself. His support could be a good way to keep Obama's campaign "forward." And XXL can't wait to hear Mr. Cohen dismissing members of the GOP.

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Live Nation's vision of administering live, performance-driven business ventures seems to be the money-making outlet for the music industry, which is getting raped by free downloads on a daily basis. Anschutz Entertainment Group, a sporting and entertainment company, which is the world's second biggest presenter of live music and entertainment events (after Live Nation), seems to be a great fit for Lyor Cohen, whose extensive knowledge of the music business can escalate the company's standings. And as anything he's done, he should consider making chunks of personal earnings from the venture.

Joining the Cast of Judges on American Idol

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Just imagine Lyor Cohen dismissing a cringe-inducing competitor. In his ice-cold tone of voice. He'll tell him or her to fuck off without blinking. Seriously, he dealt with some of the rowdiest, and toughest rap knuckleheads, he'll certainly have no problem bringing tears to a few amateur singers.

Co-Own a Chain of Saunas Called Sauna with Jews

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Rawse and Cohen's bond seemed evidently close, as the then Chairman and CEO of Warner Music Group, participated in the hilarious press conference headlined by Maybach Music Group earlier this year. Now, Rick Ross famously rapped, "Only fat nigga in a sauna with Jews," on Drake's triumphant "Lord Knows," off Take Care. XXL's assuming, amongst the many people of Jewish heritage Rick Ross is around, Lyor Cohen is certainly one of them. With Rowse having more hand on entrepreneurial ventures, and Mr. Cohen job-free, only Lord knew the two will come together for a sauna business.

Owning a Chain of Cohen's Fashion Optical

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Cohen owning Cohen chains. Get it? If you don't get it, then fuck off!

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