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French Montana’s Bear Hoodie Speaks

[Editor’s Note: The following interview is a complete work of fiction.]

The bear that French Montana now infamously sported for the XXL 2012 Freshman Class photo shoot has taken a life of his own since the cover’s been revealed last week. There’s been much talk about the bear signing a recording contract and he’s even got his own Twitter handle (@FrenchBearHoody). Yes, French’s bear is very much alive. “I was just playing dead,” Karim, the bear, told XXL tracked down the behemoth beast in Cheyenne, Wyoming, where the half-Grizzly, quarter-Kodiak, quarter-Black bear, talked about how he and French met, what they do to chill and his next moves. Bear paws up!—XXL Staff (@XXLStaff) How did you and French link up?

Karim, the Bear: We actually met years ago when I was roaming around in Alaska, but more recently we linked in Wyoming. French will tell you it was the jungle, but it was the forest. Think Wyoming and you think wide open nature and beautiful scenery, but don’t get it twisted up. It gets real out here in Cheyenne. Come to the forest in Cheyene…you’ll get fucked up. French was wood enough to visit and real recognize real. That’s my brotha, for real.

We understand that y’all had a bonding experience over the fact that y’all both got shot?

Word. How many rappers you know could take a bullet to the head and still live? How many bears you know could take four slugs from a Mossberg pump and still live? Yeah, I had to go into hibernation for a few months to recover, but try to ask those hunters how they’re feeling. They’re not feeling anything, you know why? They’re dead. I also had to do a prison bid out in Yellowstone National Park. French was the only dude who came to visit me while I was locked up. But back to your original question, yea, we bonded over that.

So, what do you and French do on the road?

We drink Peach Ciroc. Montana drinks it straight, I pour honey in mine and we good. I also taught that fool French how to hunt. We go to the streams out here and bag fresh water salmon, ya diig? I don’t take none of this shit for granted either. There was a time I was digging in people’s garbage outside their trailer homes. I ain’t forget that.

We understand that labels have been offering you deals?

Yeah, Diddy made a formal offer, but I only put my paw prints on a deal where me and my Bearing Arms Gang can all eat. And y’all know how we eat. If not, we chilling in the cave.

What’s next for you?

Possibly dabbling into some acting. My cousin been urging me. Katow-jo, who almost killed Kelly Bundy and Will Ferrell at the end of Anchorman…yeah, that’s my cousin, so it’s possible. Until then, me and French taking over the world, ya diig!

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