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Rick Ross to Endorse Man Brassiere?

[Editor's Note: The billboard pictured above is 100 percent fictional.]
Rick Ross’ proximity to Miami Beach has apparently given the rotund rapper license to go topless whenever he pleases. Clearly he’s not bashful about walking around with his sagging triple Cs exposed. It’s Ross’ bulletproof confidence that make him the best entertainer fit to endorse the Telfon Manzier, a male brassiere fit for a bawse.

Inspired by the original invention and design of Seinfeld‘s Cosmo Kramer and Frank Costanza, the Teflon Manzier is an undergarment specifically designed for men with large, sagging breasts. It’s a way for men to move weight back against their chest so they can see their toes again. Ross’ back and top-heavy torso benefits greatly from support and aesthetic re-shaping the Manzier offers. It even features a side compartment big enough to fit a wallet… or a 9 Piece. With the advent of the Teflon Manzier, chesty men not only find support, but protection as it doubles a bulletproof breast. Brrrawse!—Piff Tannen

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