G-Dep: The Vent [Excerpt From the June 2011 Issue]
You have three kids. How did that weigh on your decision to confess?
I felt like I was being a negative influence anyway, with the mind-state I was in. So the children weren’t really, like, a factor, as far as on my behalf. I felt like it was something I had to do. It could only help them in the long run.
How tough is it to walk away from your wife after her weekly visits?
I think they made it so you don’t get to watch them leave; you leave them first. So it kind of helps, in a way. But you’re always walking away from family. You realize what you’re dealing with. You equate with what’s going on with your life, what’s going to happen, and you go from there. That’s kind of just the reality check. It is what it is.
What does her loyalty mean to you?
She tries her best to do whatever she can. She has children that she needs to take care of. At times, I expect her to do certain things. But then I realize I shouldn’t expect anything. It’s really whatever she could and wants to do.
You’ve been open in past interviews about your substance abuse and problems with drugs. How bad did it get?
I remember, one day specifically, I was in the house and just looked at my surroundings and everything, and it just felt like I was a whole other person. I think that was probably the worst I got, just letting it all go.
Do you ever think about why you started using?
I think I really didn’t pay attention to the profession I was in. I kind of always was trying to medicate myself, trying to feel nothing. I knew I had a job to do, and once
I did it, I was like, Okay. Other than that, in my free time, that’s what I did in my spare time: I just medicated and got high. When I probably should have been maybe exercising right. I wasn’t even trying to prepare for the future and doing things that can build. I wasn’t building. I was just living in the game. As long as I had my job, that’s how I was living.
Were you clean at the time of the shooting?
At that time, all I did was smoke weed. Nothing else.
How about in 2001, when your album came out, Child of the Ghetto? Were you clean at the time?
Yeah, somewhat. I was just doing the music. Dealing with what I was dealing with,
I knew I was on a highly publicized label, so all I did was do what I had to do: go to the studio when I had to, do the shows. We weren’t really around a lot. We had to go to the studio, do shows, take flights. A lot of traveling. It was an experience.
How did that affect you, when the album came out?
I remember saying, “I got an album coming out,” and a lot of people didn’t know.
I was in the streets. People knew, but it wasn’t like it was different. Until the video comes out, it’s a whole other ball game. It goes to another level when people recognize you, like, “Yo, I seen the video.” People you don’t even know.
Diddy spoke praises for you during a Sirius interview. Your thoughts?
I appreciate him reaching out and showing support. I haven’t spoke to him in a minute, and he reached out to my family. He spoke to my wife and was showing support. That’s what’s up.
When you went to the precinct in December and admitted to the shooting, you were surprised to find out the man you shot had died?
Yeah, that was probably the most surprising thing about that day, and the whole situation. That was a real shock. I knew I was going to have to do some time or it was going to be reinvestigated or something like that, but when the detective came back in and said the guy died, it just kind of changed everything. I told him that I wanted to get some closure for the guy’s family and hopefully that would help. They told me, “Well, I just wanted to tell you that the guy died.” I was like, “Wow.”
**FOR THE FULL STORY, PICK UP THE JUNE 2011 ISSUE OF XXL, ON STANDS NOW**