What Is Andre 3000 Doing Right Now?

If there are two things we know about Andre 3000, it’s that he’s a great rapper and an eccentric individual. Both these truths have been evident for the majority of 3K’s fifteen-plus year career, and they’ve played a crucial part in forming his legendary status. Unfortunately for rap fans, that eccentricity, along with varying other factors, has also resulted in a scarcity of new releases from Dre in recent years. We’ve been wondering: What has Andre 3000 been doing on a daily basis since he’s fallen back from rhyming? We take a look at some options of what he might be doing right now.

Right now, Andre 3000 might be…
…Doing Bikram Yoga
…Sitting with his legs crossed, with a fedora on, wearing argyle socks and wingtip shoes, a smoking jacket, and reading a Mark Twain novel
…Writing a screenplay
…Staring at the ceiling, watching ceiling fans go ‘round, trying (unsuccessfully) to catch that feeling off instrumentals
The New York Times, with The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, Atlanta Journal Constitution, Los Angeles Times, The Encyclopedia Americana, and The Oxford English Dictionary on deck
…Shining his Grammys
…Cycling through the Pacific Northwest
…Riding a turquoise Vespa scooter through the streets of Barcelona
…In Paris painting a portrait of a naked woman while sipping tea with his pinkie finger way the fuck up
…In Italy apprenticing as a cobbler
…Camping in Maine
…Skewing it on the Bar-B (it is Memorial Day, after all)
…Writing haikus
…Helping Cee Lo decide who should advance on
The Voice
Using a walking stick made of European pine and birch trees
Letting his mustache grow so it will curl up on the ends
Shaking his head at any lingering B.o.B comparisons
Sighing, thinking to himself, “What a job this is”
Making sure he’s present on the first day of school and graduation
…Trying on wigs and sending suggestions to Nicki Minaj
…Listening to Lady Gaga’s
Born This Way

He’s almost guaranteed to be…
…Ignoring rappers’ phone calls and e-mails about features

And is without a doubt…
…Not rapping

Which leaves us…
…Longing for some new Three Stacks
…Listening to everything from “Git Up, Git Out” to “Hollywood Divorce”

What do you think Andre 3000 is doing right now?

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  • phillipe

    probably not checking xxl

    • hiphophead

      hahahaaa cosign that comment ^^

  • http://twitter.com/itsdabidnessyo @itsdabidnessyo

    ^^ Oh my God! Fucking win right there

  • 4mat

    something really wrong with xxl latly
    did Ryan Seacrest joined as co-editor?!

  • hmm

    could be that nothing is happening in hip-hop

  • B

    Smoking a blunt, writing rhymes we will probably never get to hear.

  • imfromCHI

    he might be in the studio wit hov and ye for watch the throne!
    *hoping he is*

  • Truelyricist

    taking a shit. wiping his ass with 100 dollar bills. smoking dank ass blunts. then picking out which girl that rich nigga wants to fuck today

    • Johnny Boy

      haha. Andre is that you? I know i would be writing shit like this about myself too.

  • Sha

    Ummmm….. XXL. What the f*ck is this?! You guys are supposed to do the reporting. Now you’re just dropping stories about what someone might be doing? Hell, you could’ve paid me to write this one. Man yall seriously wasted some salary money on this article. Anyone can speculate. Damn! You guys are seriously slippin’!

  • beast

    Being pretentious

  • realshit

    this just shows the state of the game at the moment NOTHING IS HAPPENING!

  • flowzo

    Turning into the male version of Lauren Hill, meaning turning into the perfect artist/human being