steppin' out of a rap collage/
in my grandma's garage/
almost had a mirage/
of being a rap star/

friends or foes?/
lord knows/
meet up at award shows/
either change clothes/
or exchange blows/
you know how the old sayin' goes/

stones and sticks/
pussies and dicks/
and fake motherfuckers who wanna jump in the mix/

left me brain dead/
like zombie head/
must have been magazines i probably read/
wit' a bandana on the cover, probably red/
for all the years of bloodshed/
and bullshit fed/
rappers either rockin' ice, chains or bullet lead/

to chains of ice/
from grains of rice/
this rap game is dice/
and the life is the price/

to be famous/
or to die nameless/
either way, ya lookin' down the barrel of a stainless/

nice drop man.. i feel your structure but its very very simple.


think about it.. honestly who would want to listen to that on a track.. theres really a lack of substance. try to have concepts and something that when you read it people will remember. you know classic lines.

Well, i'm glad to see someone who actually listens for lyrical content. Yeah, this ain't so deep, i'll try again later, peace.

It's concise, no questions as to what you're saying. There's a real simple narrative progression in your lyrics, that's pretty cool-- it's not just a collection of disses and self-reverence.

I dig the subject matter, and I dig the brass-tacks approach, but don't be afraid to hold on to a metaphor for a bit longer. Like:

(A really simple example)

"left me brain dead/
like zombie head/
must have been magazines i/
read-ened with the cranial contents"

You're only holding on to the metaphor for two lines longer, but I feel there's so much more to sink your teeth into there.

its cat and mice the teeth and the claws the beef and the wars im reepin the hard
like im releasin the lord on the sea and the shors so be reashord
i got the light of the lord when im strikin the sword but inside ya mind ya fightin a war
coz this shits conquer and devide im stronger on the mic
im like a monster on ya minde ya caint stay longer on the grinde
coz ya just a boy to be played now im loyal to the game spittin sick shit that boils in ya brain
and makin ya face change colors like oil in the rain ya only gettin mad coz ya got foil fore a chain
no coins to ya name youll get destroide frome the strain
so realy what are ya steppin fore when your the building and im the reackin ball
all ya doin is rep and fall so just shut and exsept ma all if ya dont get set and crawl
on ya hands and ya knees coz you can never stand in the streets iv got the rappin desies
and you can never find a coure now take ya time and keep rimein some more
the names tic tac remember that il make ya ribs crack like kick kats whem im sendin raps