i just heard this one from twiztid today it's funny as hell

"when i check my plants and see the buds all fluffy i swear to god i start dancing like my name was puffy"

The funniest lines come from diss tracks...

Nas - "...Eminem murdered you on your on shit...", "How many of biggie lines is gonna come out your fat lip"," Oh I get it your biggie and he's puffy" (whole damn song is funny)

Jay - "that's a one hot album ever ten year average and that's so LAMMME"

Luda - " Please stay off the T.I.P. of my dick" (even thought I think T.I. is hotter than luda right now)

Game - "How your from Cashville and you ain't got no cash nigga"

Ja - "em you said your mother's a crack head and Kim is a known slut so what's halie gon be when she grows up" (Ja got him on that one)

Em - all his shit is funny

Busta - "I think about what the game is like and WHAT WOULD IT BE WITHOUT YOUUUU"


I could do this all day.

Game - "How your from Cashville and you ain't got no cash nigga"

Ja - "em you said your mother's a crack head and Kim is a known slut so what's halie gon be when she grows up"

Luda - "So please stay off the T.I.P. of my dick..."

2pac - "Whole Junior M.A.F.I.A. click dressin up tryin ta be us
How the fuck they gonna be the mob when we always on our job"

Canibus - "Frontin like a drug free role model, you disgust me
I know bitches that seen you smoke weed recently "

killa cam
mami come join tha boss
stick ur tongue out and thoia thoia thoing on my dick till ur voice get horse
im employ tha force
half a mil on lawyer costs.............

i laughed the whole way through 300 bars


i'll post some actual lines up later

Kanye West-"This nigga graduated at the top of my class/I went to cheesecake/He was a muthafucking waiter their"...

Kanye West-"I swear she's a riot folks/How she gon order all that food wit a muthafucking diet coke"....

Kanye West-"If ya stripper name Porsha and get tips from many men/Then her fat friend, her nickname is mini-van"...

Jay-Z-"Me die before U/U liar U"

Jay-Z-"Fuck if ya leg broke bitch/hop up on ya good foot"

hey missy you ugly
yah your motha

take it easy whail back at tha rach you talk to much u get beat with a

tree branch BUSTA RHYEMS BY FAR GOT THA MOST




iz that so make movez just like a fat so BUSTA RHYMEZ

any eminem punchline. his shit is crazy

Yo, Sheek Louch got the funniest lines ever..here's one from "Ya'll Fucked up now"

"I pay off blue suits thats Sucio
And I put drugs in my girl coochie yo
A bad bitch that kill
So when you put the dogs on her you smell Massengill Summer's Eve
Puttin drugs in coffee hip to the D's"

heres a few...

"Plus I'm the new phenomenon like white women with ass" ludacris

"Know how to mack a broad, she's on your sack and balls You call her Jabberjaws " ludacris

"But I still mess with a big firl if you ain't fit girl I'll hit girl " kanye

"Have they ass, hittin high notes, like they Mariah
Get that pussy wet enough to put out a bonfire" r kelly



theres plenty more but i cant think right now

i dont know about ever i could write a million, but here's some recent ones..

"look baby you fine but your girlfriend's not"

"ma, wanna fall in love like i'm cupid,
tellin me she don't give brain like i'm stupid
you can do anything if you put your mind to it."
- joe budden

the whole 50 - how to rob song but the funniest..
"Run up on Timbaland and Missy wit the pound
Like you, gimme the cash and you put the hot dog down"

"Put it together, I rock hoes, y'all rock fellas
And now y'all try to take my spot fellas"

"How much of Biggie's rhymes is gon' come out yo fat lips?"

"Foxy got you hot 'cause you kept your face in her puss
What you think, you gettin girls now cuz of your looks?"
-Nas


"I got big balls, I'm a Sac King like Chris Webber"
-Luda


"hard liquor, get a shot,
get a broad, get her hot,
get her home, give her cock,
go it's your birthday, go go
drink it girl it's 'cumin' i know u thirsty"

"I like a chick wit big breasts on her chest
Not flat lookin like somebody stepped on her chest"
-Juelz Santana


"dick on her nose, now she's cockeyed"
Killa Cam


"MTV don't try to punk me,
leave that cracka head lumpy,
-Duke from boyz n da hood

"im not a businessman, i'ma businesssss, man"
- Jay


"let me hop off in the shower, and get myself together ima need about a hour" - Jeezy

thizz is gonna go platinum-mac dre-what a joke never happen

i'm so icy..... but i'm strapped up too cuz!
- young jeezy feat. bleu davinci and bun b

"Shawty I'm down with the kings, so call me the greatest
Number one hustler, I keep the street blazin
If the grapes don't sell, I dry 'em up and sell raisins"
-P$C

"I aint playin I done been tried,
damn near took a life,
they used to call me chucky cuz i stabbed a man wit a knife"
-Lil' Scrappy

"Roll both doors up on the black Lambo
Red rag round my head like a black Rambo"
-Currency from 504 Boyz

"Now if a bad bitch wants dick, then it's dick I give her
Ludacris nigga, I stand and deliver
Never back down, won't shake nor shiver
Fuck with me and get found in the Chattahoochee river"
-Ludacris

"i don't wanna be like this/i don't really wanna hurt no feelings/but im only being real when i say no body wants to hear their grandfather rap"

"so how can he hold me over some balcony without throwin his lower back out as soon as he goes to lift me/pleaes don't you'll probably fall with me and our a$$e$ will both be history/but then again you'll get your wish cuz you'll be all over the street like 50 cent"

Eminem

"what you kno bout' being bullied over half your life/oh that's right you should kno what that's like your half white"

hahah ray benzino is a fag

I thought I was the only one still bumpin that Em diss! That shit is crazy, JMILK21, you ever heard the Tim Westwood freestyle by EM, that dude EM starts spittin this gaga googoo shit, it sounds stupid, that shit was crazy!

"I'm So Icy", but your not icy at all, your jewelry look like u just came out the middle of the mall.-Jeezy(Stay Strapped)

"Yeah i cried when i seen my lil homie get murdered,
Not cuz he died, because that shit look like it hurt him "
(Saigon)

Yeah Shady's freestyles are too hype to explain...haha i got them all up on my comp...

Mama said knock who out?/I punch that bitch in the mouth cuz she dont know what she talking about/ - Cannibus

50 I heard your album you singin like Aretha
who the fuck want your ugly ass G-Unit sneakers-Domination

We all knew since you was in the class with Lego's
you'd grew up to be as soft as mash potatoes-Lloyd Banks (dissin Domination)

" we keep it bloody me and my buddy beyond nutty we make nuns act slutty mad rich and never studied"-icp

i beat my dick and bust up in yo' eye so you can see me cummin'-dmx

"my nerves are shot im sweaty and hot always shakin' lookin' just like michael j. fox"-anybody killa

"If ya So So Def then BITCH GET A HEARIN AID!!!" - Xzibit aimin at Jermaine Dupri

i dont know em exactly but it goes like this

"When i bust a nut in ya eyes/all ya gonna see is little guys"

- Obie


"I'll fuck you and ya man up/I knocked out so many teeth the toothfairy went bankrupt"

-Big L

I'm abbout as normal as Norman Bates with the informative traits
of a pre-mature birth that was 4 minutes late-Eminem-Role Model


Dre:what if theres an explanation for this shit
Em:what she tripped,fell,and landed on his dick-Eminem and Dr.Dre-Guilty Conciounce.

"Oh No, Cry babies go home"- ludacris

"I got people scared as fuck like when comdoms brake"- ludacris

"Who want come face me, face come want who?"- ludacris

"My black ass is so hungry I'll take a bite out of crime
And it'll hurt if I swallow, but even more if I choke
Neighbors called the fire station off the blunt that I smoke"- ludacris

"BLOW IT OUT YA ASS"

Lil Shyt Stain, i push that shit like cocaine,
Show me the party so i smoke out my brains,
Eat cheeseburgers, then i gotta shit,
Take it out the toilet & compare it to the size of my dick.
But the shits bigger, pull the trigger,
Im a wigger, but the shit in my ass is a n-gger,
I spit a fresh 16 like im blowin out a candle,
Shit in my ass, comin out so i can handle.
Wanna take a bite? The taste you like?
Shit is a n-gger but i wish it was white.
Worms in my shit, peanuts in my shit,
Terd's in my shit, Textures's rough in my shit.
Im lil Shyt Stain, toilets went & came,
Leave that shit smellin so bad, the bitches complain.
I dont care, like im punchin the air.
Take a shit for truth, Eat my shit as a dare.


this local dude from Detroit

wackness @ its finest

The one man on the planet that'll drive off of the Grand Canyon
Hop out of a Grand Am and land in it handstandin
Any man plannin to battle will get snatched out of his clothes
so fast it'll look like an invisible man standin
I'm headed for Hell, I'd rather be dead or in jail
Bill Clinton, hit this, and you better inhale
Cause any MC that chooses to go against me
is gettin takin advantage of like Monica Lewinksy (Leave me alone!)
Came home in a frenzy, pushin a ten speed
Screamin to Aunt Peg (AUNT PEG!!!!)
with three spokes stickin out of my pant leg
Fuck a headache, give me a migraine
Damnit I like pain (AHH!)
and you should be anywhere that I might gain
You rap knowin you wack
You act up and I'm throwin you down a flight of steps
then I'm throwin you back up em
If they don't like the track, fuck em
The rap struck em harder then gettin hit by a Mack truck
and then backed up on
And any half-assed known rapper to trespass
better be ready for the second Celebrity Deathmatch (Ding! Ding!)
So tell the medic to bring the medication and quickly (Hurry up man!)
I'm sicker than a Tupac dedication to Biggie
I'm free-fallin feet first out of a damn tree
to stampede your chest till you can't breathe
And when I'm down to my last breath
I'ma climb the Empire State Building and get to the last step
and still laugh half bent - Eminem & Royce Da 5'9 (Scary Movies)

http://anonym.to/?http://s37.yousendit.com...FR0C9SCT9CU4V7S

heres the song if u wanna hear it.

"I'm killing kids on tracks like Dale Earnhardt" Immortal Technique

"You and me have never been even like Biggie Smalls eyes" Immortal Technique

"You battiling me your out of your league your flow need a push like christopher reeves" Don Franco

"I used to take 'em out to eat but they wasn't really eatin'
Mighta got a little head but I wasn't really cheatin'" Common

"Homey, i pull young gunz, call me chris and neef/
You can be superman, you seen wut da fuck happened to christopher reeves" -Me battlin some wack cat who called himself the Black Superman.

"Ask her bout my dick, she said dats delicious/
Asked her did she spit, she said dats nutrious/
I asked her did she get flipped, she said thats tradidtion.
You need to spot listenin to dem nasty bitches" Wayne, Best of Me Freestyle

"My pants down and her dress is up/
her head down and her neck is tuff/
She suck til i say dats enuff/
We fuck til her ass fractured up/
And wen i nut, no shower, bitch pack yo stuff" Wayne, Fo Sheezy

fuckin wit jigga yo ass is dense/im about a dolla what the fuck is 50 cents

all chicks aint shit aint no such things as miss so we can never be a couple hun/fuck love alls i got for hoes is hard dick and bubble gum

Technique got punches for days

I'll burn an orphanage, just to bring heat to you bastards/

You better watch what the fuck flies outta ya mouth
Or I'ma hijack a plane and fly it into your house
Burn your apartment with your family tied to the couch
And slit your throat, so when you scream, only blood comes out
I doubt that there could ever be...a more wicked MC
'Cuz AIDS infested child molesters aren't sicker than me/

The whole song obnoxious...


[Verse 1]
I'm obnoxious, motherfucker can't you tell
run through Little Havannah yelling: 'Viva Fidel'
jerking off with the sheets when I stay at hotels
drinking bacardi at AA meetings, smoking a L
I'm broke as hell my attitude is no good
like working for white people after watching rosewood
im a mercenary, I don't care how I get richer
like American companies that did business with Hitler
get the picture nigga, I'm the best of both worlds
without the hidden camera, and the 12 year old girl
let's face it you're basic, you aren't half the man that I am
I throw your gang sign up, and then I'll spit on my hand
give me a hundred grand, give me your watch, give me your chain
that's your girl, bitch get over here, give me some brain
I'll bust off on her face, and right after the segment
she'll probably rub it in her pussy, trying to get herself pregnant
I said it I meant it, that's the way I deal with enemies
like pro-lifers, that support the death penalty
and don't talk about war, when niggaz know that your pus
a fucking hipocrite, draft dodger like George Bush
don't push me nigga, cuz I'm close to the edge
and I'll jump off with a rope that's wrapped around your head
send a dead fetus to my ex on valentines day
the safety's off nigga, so get the fuck out my way

[Hook]
Obnoxious nigga, murderous lyrics
I know that you hear it
now that I'm getting closer and closer I know that you feel it
your eating off rap, and I hope you choke on your gimmick
niggaz said hip hop was dead but I'm invoking the spirit
we're taking it, back in the day to the golden age
when wack motherfuckers used to get thrown off stage
Immortal Technique, I made this the bump in your ride
or burn it off the internet, and bump it outside
nigga, we keeping it live, we keeping it live
we keeping it live, we keeping it live
burn it off the fucking internet, and bump it outside

yeah nigga

[Verse 2]
Look motherfucker, my words damage an slaughter
a raging alcoholic like the presidents daughters
disgusting flows like third world country tap water
but before I hit the border, someone give me a quarter
cuz I'm a prank call, cop shot just for kicks
payback for everytime that they called me a spick
and Puerto Rican chicks told me that I fuck like i'm loco
and Dominican women call me the 'Rompe Todo'
they call me 'Assioso' I'd rather get fired than quit
I get unemployment, you work and we making the same shit
how dare you niggaz critize the way that I spit
you coffee shop revolutionary son of a bitch
but you know what the fuck I think is just pathetic and gay
when niggaz speculate what the fuck 'Pac would say
you don't know shit, about a dead mans perspective
and talking shit will get your neckbone disconnected
disrespected niggaz don't show no love
why you trying to be hardcore, you fucking homo-thug
and don't be sensitive and angry at the shit that I wrote
cuz if you can take a fucking dick, you can take a joke
I choke your friends in front of you, to prove that you fallen off
and you won't do shit about it, like the Church during the Holocaust
Kalashnikov machine gun flow when I fire
obnoxious until they shoot me on the day I retire

[Hook]

[Verse 3]
Daaamn homie, in high school I beat the shit out of you and your man homie
your girl wanna blow me and don't even know me
she lonely and she thinks your a phony
I'll take a piss on a development deal from Sony, or Def Jam
cuz your like all of the rest man
this ain't a verse it's shit talk at the end of the song
and you can suck a dick if you think I ended it wrong
fuck you and I'm gone, ha ha ha

HAHAHA, thats hot!

All aboard my balls, cause my dick don't got a lotta room for the rest of y'all- Redman

Hey Ma, maybe I'll give you a call/ Syke, you fuckin bitch suck a dick and two balls- Eminem

Touch Doc forget it/ that's like my uncle gettin approved for credit- Redman

You want me to watch my mouth how? Take my fuckin eyeballs out and turn em around- Eminem

I scored 1.1 on my SAT, but still push a whip with a right and left AC- Redman

So chinky eyed I see people wavin on the map- Redman

Slim Anus? You damn right slim anus, I don't get fucked in mine like you two little flamin faggots- Eminem

What's hip-hop to Hot Nikkels, it's like Funk Doctor's snot tissue- Method Man

There's more I just can't think of them...

"Turn your tux red, I'm far from broke, got enough bread
And mad hoes, ask Beavis I get nuttin Butt-head"
Harlems finest doing what he does best, R.I.P.