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How do we know Amber Rose isn’t Kanye’s beard?

Is Kanye’s new girlfriend proof at last that he’s not a closet case, or does he need more people?

Normally, I’d say it’s definitely the former. I even said myself, before it was all trendy, that I’d give it to this girl hard, from behind, even though it might be difficult from behind, since it would be that much harder to tell if she’s a girl or a young white guy.

But no young white guy ever had an ass like that! (No homo.)

In fact, I wonder if it’s a mere matter of coincidence that I mentioned on my site,, aka ThisIsUnfuckedBoy, that I’d have sex with this woman, despite the fact that she has no hair, which I usually find very important on a women, and the next thing you know, there’s Kanye being photographed with her at events.

I happen to know that Kanye was reading blogs heavy even years before he talked some fudge into blogging for him.

In order to find out for sure, I might try that trick with some other women I wouldn’t mind having sex with. Only thing is, I’m not sure where he draws the line on being seen with women who’ve been in pr0n. I try not to draw much of a distinction myself between video hoes and regular hoes, especially now that that Milani Rose sex tape hit the Internets, but you know how these hoes are.

I wouldn’t be surprised if an Amber Rose sex tape ended up hitting the Internets. Of course, if and when it does, I’m sure she’ll try to cop a plea just like her cousin Milani Rose did. Already, pictures of Amber Rose hugged up with some guy have hit the Internets. They were posted on Media Take Out. Jackpot mentioned them yesterday, in his bullshit post about how Amber Rose is better-looking than Alexis Phifer.


Alexis, holler at your boy. It was wrong the way he did you on 808s and Heartbreak. I’ve got an idea for how we can get back him once and for all. There might even be a new coat in it for you, depending on how much it costs. It would definitely have to come from Burlington. And I don’t mean, Burlington, VT.

But I digress.

The fact that Kanye’s girlfriend has a girlfriend would be the best thing evar for Kanye, except for the fact that those pictures are almost certainly the most disgusting thing I can imagine involving two girls kissing. The one girl is dressed up like a guy, and the sight of her in her pre-hipster rap era hip-hop gear is just… off-putting. I thought tight pants was supposed to be what’s hot in the streets. Someone get this bitch a copy of that memo!

Also, supposedly, she’s pissed. She thinks Kanye stole Amber Rose away from her, and hence from lesbianism. Which would make sense, I think, in that there can’t be too much of a leap from a girl who dresses up like a guy to a guy who dresses up like a girl. Is that the secret to pulling a lesbian broad, dressing like you might be a lesbian yourself? Nhjic.

It might almost be worth it, in order to get two girls in the bed with you. But if I had the means, I’d rather just pay. First of all, there’s always the risk that the two girls will start going to town on one another, and you’ll be left there with nothing to do but stand in the corner and rub one out at the sight of it. Also, people might start thinking you’re a fruit

Which brings me to my point. If we’ve seen all of these pictures of Amber Rose hugged up with this other woman, and all we’ve seen of her and Kanye are pictures of the two of them showing up to events dressed up in each other’s clothes, how do we know if Kanye even hit it, like I would?

For all we know, she might be repulsed by the idea of a man with an actual unit. They might make out, but she might make him tuck it back between his legs. A sex tape might be in order, just to let the world know that isn’t the case. Maybe they can talk the other girl into dressing like an actual girl and getting in on it.

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