Contact Us

Midwestern touch

My Canadian jump-off Tara Henley announced today that she’s moving from wherever she used to live to Toronto to be that much closer to yours truly. If that’s not true love, then I’m not sure what is. As such, I figured the least I could do is offer my response to the ten questions she posted today.

1. Some bullshit about MySpace.

I don’t know about the rest of you ‘bags, but I refuse to believe the hype wrt MySpace until I actually score as a result. I could give a fuck if it’s the most popular website or that “Papoose” has written a song about it. It seems like the only dudes scoring on MySpace are child molestors, and that’s just wrong.

That said, I’d certainly be willing to be “swayed” on this issue, if any decent-looking young women are reading this and want to become my “friend.”

2. Is anyone else hyped that Mysonne is out of prison?

No. I could give a rat’s ass that Mysonne is out of prison.

3. Will the Oprah Hates Hip-Hop controversy ever die?

Not if I have any say so. I like how the hip-hop feminist crowd is attempting to twist this into some statement about misogyny in hip-hop. Meanwhile, Oprah is giving interviews talking about how she works out to “In da Club.” Women, man, I tell you.

4. How many more random Saigon features will have to pop up before we get an album?

I don’t know, but his handlers (Sickamore, are you reading this?) would be well-served to work on making him look less like the kind of guy that fucks other guys in prison. There’s a series of photos on Saigon’s MySpace profile where he’s sporting the D’Angelo “Untitled” look that should be removed forthwith. Also, there’s something creepy about the woman with the huge boobs from his top 8.

5. Can someone let The Game know that “I look kinda cute” isn’t the best comeback to the flick of him in a thong on 50’s new mixtape? And is anyone surprised that Game plays the sucker role on Change of Heart?

Honestly, I think 50 Cent might be gayer for putting that shit on his mixtape. A job where you get paid to give women the “whirly bird” > being a crack dealer that got high on his own shit (it’s true).

6. Is hip-hop’s audience 80% white?

Only real hip-hop. Go to any hip-hop show by an artist that’s worth a shit and I bet you there won’t be more than five black people. Meanwhile, I bet the audience at a Yung Joc show is almost all black, with maybe one or two random-ass Asian kids, and it’s not like they count anyway.

7. When are Stans going to learn that the men’s room is not the place to go looking for autographs?

Are we really supposed to believe that sex offender-looking cracka-ass cracka really followed Eminem into the john trying to get an autograph? My theory: they went in there to fuck, and something went horribly wrong. If you notice, the case has already been settled out of court. Hmm…

8. Doesn’t it seem like rapping is just a pit stop now on the way to entrepreneur or Hollywood actor or record label CEO?

You don’t say.

9. Is Tru-Life ever going to get in the ring with Jim “Dirt Angel” Jones?

If he does, my money’s on the Dirt Angel. That Tru-Life kinda looks like a fruit. I’d be more afraid of his boatload of Puerto Rican cousins pointing guns at me than anything else. Jim Jones, meanwhile, looks like a classic drug addict, and those fuckers have been known to fight dirty.

10. Does anyone actually believe that Baby and Lil Wayne are lovers?

You know, the thought had never occurred to me (because I’m not gay like that), but now that you mention it, I don’t see why not. Anytime a parent turns a child over to an older male mentor, there’s almost always some sort of sex involved. Word to Aaliyah’s parents. No wonder Lil’ Wayne is still on Cash Money. Him and Baby are tight like that.

Recommended For You

Around the Web

Best of XXL

Leave a Comment

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing VIP profile. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to using your original account information.

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

(Forgot your password?)

Not a member? Sign up here

Sign up for XXL Mag quickly by connecting your Facebook account. It's just as secure and no password to remember!