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Hip-Hop’s #1 White Girl

You know who I like? Christina Aguilera.

I wasn’t as crazy about her back in her skanky “Genie in a Bottle” days, but the video for “Dirrty,” with Redman, made me a true believer. The song itself sucked balls, but the ass-shaking in the video showed a certain level of commitment that you just don’t see as often.

Also, she seems like the kind of white chick that fucks a lot of black dudes – either because she genuinely enjoys it or because she’s out to prove a point. Perhaps both. On the one hand, you’d like to think that it’s the former, but the latter’s actually kinda cool, too, if you think about it.

You know, anytime I can help a woman prove a point…

In that sense, I suppose it was only a matter of time before Christina Aguilera decided to explore her “hip-hop side” even further. The halcyon days of Backstreet Uber Alles are long gone, but the allure of the black man’s johnson is the kind of trend that has a tendency to endure. No homo.

Still, I was as surprised as everyone else when I heard her new shit was going to be produced by DJ Premier. Granted, he once did a song with Fred Durst, but at least he’s kind of a rapper. This bitch is a straight-up TRL-style pop tart, regardless of how many brothers she hit off with a little “trim.”

Also, did she not hear The Ownerz? That album sucked! It could be the case that it was the old Gang Starr formula that had grown tired more so than Premier’s actual talent as a producer. But if I’m an artist who sold tens of millions of albums as recently as a few years ago, I don’t know that I’d want to take that kind of risk.

That said, the first single came out pretty dang well, actually. For a song by a washed-up hip-hop producer and a pop singer that I generally can’t stand, it’s quite a bit better than it has any right to be. I find myself actually listening to it when it comes on the radio in my car.

If the album is anywhere near as good, Primo might be about to get paid.

The video, directed by Bryan Barber (who strikes me as a bit fruity – nullus), is decent enough, I suppose. The set decoration (possibly left over from Idlewild) is nice, but I could’ve used more skin. Especially when it certainly appears as if she’s been able to maintain her looks at the ripe old age of 25.

Remember when people used to argue about who was hotter between her and Britney Spears? Well, Christina Aguilera won. Let that serve as a lesson to any young chicks reading this who are thinking about eating a shiteload of Cheetos and trying to reproduce. That shit’ll ruin your figure.

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