I Blame White People…

On this day forty three years ago Malcolm X was murdered in Harlem. I don’t accuse white of that since we all know that it was orchestrated by a secret cabal of powerful and influential Chicago-based Blacks, namely Louis Farrakhan, Oprah Winfrey and Michael Jordan. What I am blaming white for today is even more tragic than Detroit Red’s death.

Will.I.Am to be cast in upcoming X-Men prequel?!?

Only white could have fucked this shit up. How the hell does Will.I.Am even get a consideration to ruin the greatest comicbook franchise of the modern era? I suppose Black people deserve a small amount of blame for the fact that some Blacks had to birth this dude, but after that it falls squarely on the shoulders of white. Who else is even remotely familiar with his catalog of music? Black folks sniffed this kid out from the gate when they cast him off as a bootleg Wyclef Jean. And the only Black folks that fucks with Wyclef are Haitians. Give Haitians credit for their hardbody status. Them fools are so poor they eat dirt. Know from good music... Not so much.

I trust white for a lot of things but as soon as I take my eyes off them this shit pops up. When I read that Ghostface was being cast in the Iron Man movie I became even more hyped to see that shit. Good move white people. When Heath Ledger merc’ked himself after listening to the DallasPenn Dot Com Dark Knight mixtape I said, “Damn, not a good look white people.” White stays on some suicide shit for some reason as well as that shit were they shoot up a school and then kill themselves after which is selfishly bitchmade. After the Dark Knight movie premieres there will be a charity walk for suicide prevention. I am volunteering in the hopes of preventing another unnecessary media event like the death of Heath Ledger was.

There is one thing that I love white for[ll]. White Boy Weed. That shit is greener than a motherfucker. XXL Mag management doesn’t want me to espouse shit like drug abuse so I will tell all of y’all that “drugs are bad boys and girls” (Mr. Mackey voice). But if you know any white that is holding that good green please holla at your cousin. Another thing I have to give white props for is your puncuality. How the fuck do you spell that shit? You know what the fuck I’m talking about. When you tell Black people eight o’clock that means anything with an eight in it including 8:59. White folks, you were doing great shit up to this point. Don’t fuck up your legacy of good works by allowing Will.I.Am to fuck up the origins of the most hardbody superhero evar.

To all my respected white readers, I implore on you to call your t.I. fathers or uncles or whoever signs the movie studio checks and tell them to stop this madness at once. Will.I.Am will not stop until he has made Hip-Hop totally un-listenable and I am sure he has the same designs of cultural irrelevance planned for the X-Men franchise. Don’t let him taint the last vestige of enjoyable entertainment left in America. You have the power to stop him.