Trapped In The Closet >> Le Barbier de Séville

What’s good XXL family? I haven’t gone in for a minute because I’ve been getting the remainder of my summer swerve out. Niggas go back to school for real in two weeks so I am trying to get off my last nights of free open bar parties. Which reminds me, did any of you cats get invited to the XXL magazine tenth anniversary jumpoff? Yeah, me neither. Just as well I suppose, I heard Lil’ Wang performed for Shimwhora Lee and Birdbrain. Bang, bang bitches, but the gun ain’t even loaded.

I know I went in a few months ago and told y’all to copp Fisty’s next album to save Hip-Hop. I still mean that, but I need y’all to copp that shit in the second week. If KanGaye West doesn’t beat Fisty Scent for first week sales I lose scrilla to Combat Jack. C.J.’s wife just had a baby girl too so you know he bet that paper on his baby girl’s name. I don’t even know what I was thinking. There aren’t nearly enough backpacking skinny jeans skateboarders in the world to topple the empire of Fisty.

Did you peep the Fifty Cent interview at OnSmash Dot Com? For everything that I dislike about the character that Curtis has adopted through his music he remains above all other things one of the most lucid and entertaining interviewees strictly on the strength of his candor. This is a nigga that will just tell you how he feels about shit and not really care if you feel a kind of way. OnSmash even has Fifty Cent doing drops for their website! Damn, let me find out this nigga Fifty Cent is researching web traffic on Alexa Dot Com?! Well homey, that algorithm they use is all fucked the fuck up. Dallas Penn Dot Com is the website that niggas that fucks with the internets hardbody fucks with.

Speaking on DP Dot Com… How many of y’all niggas got Foxy Brown in the cRap Music Fantasy League? You know that crazy bitch scored points when she got arrested last week for assault? But whats fucking with her ass being pregnant?!? I haven’t built any scoring yet for pregnant emcees, but I think I will give anyone with her on their roster 500 pts when she delivers the baby since that is like dropping a gold album. I told y’all a minute ago that Koch Records was the new millennium Def Jam. Them niggas is about to be the next deaf jam too. If they put out the new ‘Pac album them niggas will be the new dead jam. Shit is crazy. Like a monkey petting a kitten.

If you have Robert Sylvester Kelly on your cRap Music Fantasy roster you are about to cake up some points. Ol’ dude’s ‘Trapped In The Closet’ series is better than any Tyler Perry shit I have ever watched. It’s a straight retahded opera. Somebody give that hebephile a high school sophomore cheerleader and leave him alone. The Mayans used to throw young virgins down a fiery pit. I don’t see why we can’t pass off some 15yr old poon to this man every six months or so? That ‘Double Up’ album is wild bonkers. I be thinking that Kellz just be fucking with us to make us repeat all that dumb shit he sing. He had everybody singing that ‘Booty’ shit, especially the end of the song where he flutters off on the word booty, and now he got everybody singing that ‘Sex Planet’ shit or the other bananas joint called ‘The Zoo’. This nigga is a damn fool and he is having the time of his life.

You know your ass is talented when the New York Times sends it resident homosexual house Negro to review your latest video projects. I already knew R. Kelly had the white on his tip when he started inspiring the hipster contingent to drop their Starbucks’ and pick up their pens. Did you peep this peanut butter and jelly shit called ‘Same Dude’? Well then watch…